BM sending groceries!?!?!?!?!?

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She is literally driving me crazy. SD10 lives with us. DH still pays child support because that's what SHE wants. She said when SD came to live with us that she would give it back. She offered her food stamps (yes, really) which I declined. So she said she would go to the store FOR ME. I said no. Long story short she did it anyway and bought about $30 worth of junk food. I didn't say much, just told her I'd appreciate it if she didn't buy anymore food because I don't like all that junk in my house. She's just trying to get out of giving us the child support money back.

At SDs last orthodontist appointment she was told no more chips/hard candy AT ALL along with some other dietary restrictions because her braces have broken multiple times (I've taken her twice this month for broken brackets). She went to BM's this weekend and DH told BM about her new dietary restrictions. With no warning BM's boyfriend drops her off yesterday evening with groceries! Two bags of Doritios, a bag of potato chips, a 3lb bag of sugary cereal, 2 boxes of little debbie snack cakes, 10 lb bag of potatoes, a gallon of milk, and a loaf of bread. ERRRRRRR. She's not suppose to have chips, I just bought a bag of potatoes and two gallons of milk so more than likely what she bought will go to waste, and we don't eat white bread-which is what she sent. I know she's just doing this because she doesn't want us to modify child support and she doesn't want to give us cash.
Do you think I should say something?? I mean, it's her money (well the states) that she's wasting. DH is afraid if he files for modification of child support that BM will take SD back (that is what she did last time) because she is legally the custodial parent. I don't want to file for custody because honestly I can't stand SD and am hoping after this school year she'll want to move back in with her mom, I just don't want mom to pull her out in the middle of the school year. Should I just ride this out and hope SD goes back to live with her? Or should I say something to BM? I am so sick of her walking all over us.

Freeze the milk. Bag up the

Freeze the milk. Bag up the the rest and donate them to a food shelter.

Send the skid back to her mother's house with a note, "We already do our own grocery shopping, and we assumed since it's so close to Thanksgiving that you wanted us to donate the food you sent to the nearest shelter. Thank you!"

That's a good idea about

That's a good idea about donating it, I honestly hadn't thought of that. As far as the note, I don't really want to be confrontational as it will just cause more drama but something's got to give. I think I'm going to talk to DH again about modifying child support because she obviously isn't going to give us the child support back. No matter what we do she's never happy anyway.

I also forgot to mention that she still claims SD on her food stamps. That's another reason she doesn't want us to have legal custody. I've debated anonymously turning her in to dhhr.

It may be time for your DH to

It may be time for your DH to do something about the custody and child support orders. The BM sounds a little nutty.

That's exactly what i was

That's exactly what i was going to say! My X-MIL used to send my son home with bags of crap. Chips, Candy, Cookies, Brownies, Mac-N-Cheese, Chocolate milk, Etc (My son is lactose sensitive.)When she would meet up with me to give him back i would load the food in the trunk and drive it to the food donation center.

Um, there's all sorts of

Um, there's all sorts of fraud going on here.
BM has legal custody, but SD lives with DH, but BM files for food stamps for SD.

Sooo... why not notify the food stamp people that SD lives with you?
If BM doesn't get the stamps for SD, then she won't feel "obligated" to give you food.

Personally, and I cannot stress this enough, your DH should file a stipulated agreement for change of custody. Shoot, he can leave the CS as is right now, but at least get the custody officially.

There's more fraud than that.

There's more fraud than that. BM has 5 kids (by 4 men, might I add). Two of those kids belong to her boyfriend that makes really good money, yet BM receives food stamps, medical cards, and a welfare check because she doesn't tell them that they live together. Must be nice.

Same with my BM. Has herself

Same with my BM. Has herself on medicaid, food stamps, the skid on state insurance.... etc.

She owns her own business and gets CS. CS alone would disqualify her for it. But she is in another state and we don't have time or money to prove it.

That's where my taxpayer dollars are going so I guess we're all paying for the Bm's of this world.

I agree...turn her in. They

I agree...turn her in. They probably won't do anything, but it's worth the effort.

turn that bitch's ass in! My

turn that bitch's ass in! My DH's baby momma one year after we started dating, filed her tax return and CLAIMED THE SKID, who she hasn't had any type of custody of since the kid was 2! My hubby went to file and claim his son, who he raises and lives with him 100% of the time, and the ONLINE system kicked his return saying that this child with ssn xxxxxxxxx has already been claimed by someone else on their tax return!!!!!! He filed on paper, claiming the kid. And I called the IRS and turned her ass in for tax fraud. i'm sure nothing happened because she aint locked up, but at least he let her know that WE KNEW what she did, and he told her I called and reported her ass!! }:)

My FDH's baby momma has

My FDH's baby momma has claimed ALL 3 kids for the past 3 years somehow when she was not entiltield to any! First year he had to do paper! Second and third he got it in bofore her but she still got her $9,000 somehow! UGH and the bitch is on food stamps, reported that shit they said as long as she has them one day a month it doesn't matter it is whoever files first (yea we don't qualify and I am too prideful to take advantage like that anyways) Stupid BM's She is also supposed to pay $50 a month child support (what a joke 3 kids 50 haha thats enough for dinner for school lunch for a little over a week) whatever not like she pays! She also somehow has the kids on medicade even though they are on FDH's insurance! We pay that double!

The CS is deducted from his

The CS is deducted from his paycheck so he would have to file for a modification, which at this time he isn't willing to do. Like I said before, the last time she lived with us he told her he was going to file and she made SD move back in with her. That honestly wouldn't hurt my feelings any, but I would like her to at least finish out the school year as she would have to transfer schools if she moved back in with her mom.

Legally BM is the custodial

Legally BM is the custodial parent. We are supposed to have her EOW, but in reality it's the exact opposite. When she came to live with us BM said she would sign over custody, but then changed her mind.

I would have to agree. The

I would have to agree. The cost to raise kids are expensive unless you are rich. If she doesn't want to give the CS back then send the kid back home. Eventually, the kid will get tired and DEMAND to live with the father. I believe there is a certain age where if the kid goes to court they can tell the court which parent they want to live with and the court will adjust the CS appropriatly. Is the child support alot, or is it causing any financial strain on your household?

It's not a lot, we're getting

It's not a lot, we're getting by, but it would definitely help if we had it.

DH needs to handle her, needs

DH needs to handle her, needs to stop the CS now. Go back to court and get it all finalized, the CS and custody agreement. As far as the groceries, I would just send them back to her. If she has questions, she can ask DH (and I hope he backs you up and tells her NO, no more groceries and no more CS). Food pantrys dont want junk food either.

How long has she lived with

How long has she lived with you? Is she enrolled in your school district? Does BM live in a different district? If DH can show that SD has been living with you for 6 months or more, he can file for a change in custody due to the status quo. If BM snatches her back, he can try for an emergency ruling to get her back due to school.

Of course, DH might just want to let things slide as they are. Having SD with him might be more important to him than the money.

She's only lived with us

She's only lived with us since August and yes, she's in in our school district, BM in another. That is his reasoning in it all. He's afraid she'll try to take her back and she'll have to transfer schools in the middle of the year. I just get so irritated with the situation.

Nope, don't say a word and

Nope, don't say a word and most importantly grow some sack and quit listening to her crap about returning the CS. She has surrendered the kid to your DH so go to court immediately and get temporary custody. Then you go for permanent custody, stop CS and nail BM for CS. When they drop off groceries say thanks and immediately take those items to the food bank and donate them. The fresh stuff you can either use or throw away.

She is playing your DH to keep the CS pipeline flowing in her direction. Do not tell BM, just call CPS and notify them that BM has abandoned the child and file for a change of custody immediately.

All IMHO of course.

By playing her games and not

By playing her games and not standing up to her and asking for the child support in cash, you are enabling this to continue.

That being said, I think DH is the one who should be addressing this with her .. not you.

If DH and you agree that you want primary custody, file with the courts. Do it immediately and don't tell her. She has surrendered her child to you at least twice. The courts will take that into consideration, and hopefully at least modify custody to a more balanced arrangement.

Thank you everyone for your

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I sent a letter to DHHR today to notify them the fraud. I don't know if they'll do anything, but at least taking some action has made me feel a little better.

good girl, turn her criminal

good girl, turn her criminal ass IN!

depending on how often the

depending on how often the child is in the BM she may be eligiable for food for the child. in a joint custody situation either parent can apply at least in my state and its first come fist serve. i guess i did not see a clear amount of days that the child is in the moms house unless i missed it somewhere? but depending on the days and overnights at the moms she may be eligiable for food benefits for this child.