Are we out of line for suggesting this?
Let me start by saying that for 5 years we have been driving for 2 hours almost eow to pick and drop off sk.The bio mother will not help at all which is fine with me because every time we see her she starts something she is impossible.But my sk are now 14 and 16 years old so we suggested that they can take a bus that picks them up right around the corner from their mothers house and we would pick them up at the stop in our town it would be a straight bus ride no stops in between.We even offered to pay bus fare there and back and it would still save us alot of money and 4 hours time there and back on the weekends.Bio mom wont even drive them to the bus stop which isnt that far from the house.So yesterday sd didnt even phone to come for her visit and i assume it was because we told them to grab the bus and they did not like that idea the bus ride is a half hour long.My ss even out and out told his dad he wasnt getting on the bus and hung up on him twice and whined and said he was scared which we dont believe because they have both been all over big cities on their own and even til midnight or later.They have told me this before.Then when time came to get on bus he phoned 20 min after bus left and said they couldnt find the holiday inn where it picked him up.You can see it right from the highway and there mother grew up their and it is right around the corner so they did that purposly to make us drive there.Our town is small and not by any means scary and where it would drop them off we shop there all the time.We would be waiting there for them.Do you guys think were wrong for asking them to do this?Ss wont study his book to go get his license he is 16 almost 17.Also 1 more question can his ex go after alimony after being divorced for 4 years she has a good job that i know of and she didnt waive her right when court was going on.
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Transportation methods are rarely spelled out in Judgements.
At least in my experience. In our Judgement it states clearly that each party will be responsible (financially) for getting the child to their location and will be flexible in making and supporting transportation to and from visitation but no specifics are spelled out.
BM should be responsible for getting the Skids to the bus stop and picking them up from the bus stop when they return. Neither she nor the kids should be able to decline court ordered visitation schedules unless extenuating circumstances are in play. Weather, bankruptcy of the airline/bus line, etc ... may be an extenuating circumstance but "I could not find the bus stop" is bullshit.
IMHO of course.
As for the XW going after alimony four years after the divorce, it is so unlikely that a court would even entertain the idea as to be a waste of breath. It sounds like the XW/BM is playing games.
IMHO again.
Best regards,
it doesnt work
She wont have anything to do with the transportation because we have been doing it for so long it is expected of us and if we say it needs to change sk get mad and hang up on dad or whines but they dont see anything wrong with the mother not doing anything she is a manipulater and the kids are turning out like her and disrespecting their dad just like she did and she does talk nasty about us because sd told me one day.She doesnt care about the kids getting their or to our house but if it doesnt happen she will phone and be pissed off cause we never drove there.
This was something
We dealt with -BM and DH had week on week off (before she lost custody of her son)-
DH did ALL the driving and it used to tick him off big time-he just sucked it up -NOW if SS and BM arrange a visit between themselves she has to drive if she wants to see him-which at 16 SS and BM have little in common now.
I don't know what the answer is if these kids don't want to take the bus-
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
what if?
What if we just put our foot down and say no if you want to come then the bus is just as good.Would that be wrong?Our ss lives with us and sd lives with bm.They have no chores here and do nothing i go out with my husband and cut firewood and cook and dishes and so on well ss and sd when she is here does NOTHING.So i think that them taking the bus is not a bad deal at all its only a half hour drive..Also ss who is in grade 11 takes time off school every week he says he isnt feeling good at least once a week it is getting so bad i can predict it now.He sits in his room all day.
we did it
Putting the foot down. When my DH and BM had week on week off visits, my DH was doing all the driving. He was used to it cause BM lost her DL for being a drunk. Well when she started driving again it was during one of the many court battles. She told us that she was not going to transport the skids at all, and that she did not care, nothing would change. So, DH stopped picking up the skids, and told them , if your mom will not help with half of the driving, we will not be seeing much of eachother, till we go back to court. When we went to court a month later, the judge put it in the court order that BM was responsible to transport the skids to DH, and DH would transport them back to her. BM blew a gasket right there in court, so then the judge included that the drop-off's and pick-up's would have to take place in a public place, as with her additude, she was not going to be allowed at our home. We had to go all the way to court with this,and sacrafice some visitation time, but it was worth it"~waiting on the world to change~"
I do know what this is like
we live in KY and the BM and skids lived in GA. We used to have to drive hours to pick them up and return them from visitation. It was ridiculous. So, we had to go back to the courts and get it in writing that she had to either provide half costs of transportation or meet us half way. DH's decree didnt specify either, which is why I think the biggest mistakes are made. I personally think that you should spell out every single thing in a decree.
Be Firm, Stay Strong
I don't think you and DH are wrong at all for asking the skids to do this. They are 14 and 16 for crying out loud. They are old enough to catch the bus that only will drive straight to their distination. It's exactly like a car ride so I don't see what the problem is.
I would get DH to tell them that you guys want them to come but the only way that it's possible is if they get the bus. The 16 year old is at least old enough to make that decision.
Sd
Sd didn't come over this weekend didn't even phone probably because she knew she had to be on a bus for 30 min.So 10:00pm Sunday night mama phones and is pissed because we never drove our usual 2 hours to get her 1 hour ther and 1 hour back.Saved ourselves 60 dollars in gas verses 10.00 for a bus ticket.Mama was mad.Or because the bus picks her up at 1:00pm and she usually doesn"t get up til then.So i guess mama should have woke her up earlier.
Not at all
BM decided after meeting DH for years at middle-ground that she is "not going to spend money on gas anymore to meet us half way" and that her sister's ex picks up and drops off his kids, etc and that her mother thinks DH should do all the transportation, she lives 1.5 hrs. from us and it's about 130 miles round trip, make it 4hours total in rush hour on Friday's after work when we go to pick him up. We are sick and tired of the drama, she wasn't pulling this act until DH and I got together..
we cant
We cant even meet her because when we tried that at first she was physically abusive with me and yell and scream every single time so for us meeting her and any contact at all is not for us she is just a psycho.