First of all, I am sorry that you feel like this isn't a good site. But keep in mind, many of the ladies here are using this site to say the things that they feel and have nobody else to say it to. There are women here that feel these ways, but do not act this way in front of the kids. We all feel negative things about bio moms and stepkids at some time. And we accept everyone's venting here. If read everyone's blogs, you would see that we also talk about how wonderful our SKids can be and how blessed we are. Just look at some of mine, or Mocha2001. Yes, we vent about the drama of BM's, but that is a reality when you marry a man with kids. I think you have not come to know the women (and men... oh, Steve...where are u???)These ladies have become some of my dearest friends. I think about them often and worry when something is going on. We support each other through everything.

Yes, they are kids. But we are also only human and can only take so much. Sadly, you will be missing out on one of the MOST supportive forums on the web. Nobody here has given up hope or lost sight. If that was the case, each one of us would have walked away from these probles instead of searching for a place to work through them.

You stated you were a new stepmom, looking for a supportive place. Guess what, we were all optimistic in the beginning. That is why we all said "I Do", not knowing what was in store for us. I think it is sad that you make judgements on us for speaking our feelings. Yes, some of the blogs are a little too much. But if you knew each ladies story, maybe you would understand them a little better. But you have chosen to judge each one of and not get to know all of the wonderful people here. These ladies have stepped up and helped me more than you will ever know. I don't know too many strangers that would go t bat for you after just meeting them. How many of your real friends or family check in on you several times a day to make sure you are handling your life ok, who do not judge you for feeling a certain way, who offer you advice and the moment you request it. Do you know how many cyber hugs you could receive in one day from the people here? Or how many people you would have praying for you if something bad happened. We don't just come here to complain about our stepfamilies. We support each other when our children are ill, when our husbands are asses, when we have health scares, or even when the issue of too mant deaoderants arises. We have shared in the births of new children, joining of husbands and wives, ladies becoming grandmothers for the first time, financial worries, and the list goes on.... I think you have grossly missed the real meaning behind this site.

And a year from now when your wonderful new family of stepchildren has driven you crazy, you will understand why we are here. Good luck to you in your future.

I could not say it any better myself either.
I too find it helpful, I have posted many times and it helps me get out my true feelings. I think the hardest job in the world is parenting, but adding stepchildren to the mix makes it 90 times harder.
The poster said, that its the job of the bio's and us step parents, well I want to know if that is so true then why do the BM's always insist that we are nothing? We are something when a ride is needed or some extra money or just plain old cleaning and fixing there food. I come here to vent and share things with you ladies that I feel I cannot share with anyone else because who understands? And usually my situation is something that you ladies may know about or have experienced. I too agree, not all of us on here are "Cinderella's step mom" but I will say that a lot of the reason some of ladies are on here and it seems like they are just being mean, from experience, when you are basically insulted and beaten down by disrespect its a little hard to look at the child and say oh you poor thing, your just a child. Children can play games and be as coniving as most adults, so the little I am innocent in all is b**Sh**, not always but most of the time.
I wish you luck on your journey I really do, because its going to be one hell of a ride..

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

"These kids didn't create the situation and if given their wish, they would undo it in a heartbeat. It's the parents actions and behaviors that created the kids bad behavior and I find it saddening to read that many of the parents on here are selfish, lacking in self esteem, and spoiled - saying that they don't want to deal with the problems that they either helped create or married into (face it, you marry the man with kids - you marry the kid too). "

I guarantee that you'll be back to this terrible, "depressing" site in no time at all because with your attitude, your stepchildren are going to be extremely difficult. You're are already pitying them--WHY? You are already making excuses for their bad behavior--WHY? This is exactly the type of attitude that creates monsters and victims out of children. In the end, it is the behavior and attitude of the adults that decide how and what the children feel--not the fact that their biological parents have separated. Yes, some of the kids have it rough. Yes, they have to share M&D with new spouses, and split their time between two homes. But some also have twice the amount of love. Many have twice the amount of toys, birthday parties, Christmas mornings, and money for college.

So before you go and pidgeonhole all stepchildren as victims, think about what YOU are doing to victimize them even more. Sometimes we have rough breaks in life. That's the way it goes. And yes, it's unfair to children, who don't have the mental capacity to deal with the emotional turmoil of divorce. But it's important to reinforce to them that there is STILL right and wrong, and there is still an appropriate way to behave and treat other adults. They do not get to run wild, abuse other children, or disrespect adults because they're upset. They need time, some need counseling, they need understanding, but most of all what they need is to be treated like normal children--because they ARE normal children. And many times the behavior we see from these normal children would. not. fly. in a family that did have the BM and BF still married.

People come here and other sites like this to vent. To get things out and off of their chests in a safe place. It's great that you can say that you don't blame the kids or feel any anger towards them, but you're in the minority among other stepparents in that regard. It's human nature to feel conflict and want to blow off the steam that it creates--and where is it best to do that? In front of the kids? To the spouse? Or in a safe, anonymous place among confidants that can 100% relate? If you would stay longer, you'd notice that the SPs here do not simply bitch and moan and egg one another on to be nasty. There is a lot of advice shared, advice born of experience and time. Perhaps if more SPs were to visit sites like these, the number of second marriage ending in divorce would decrease. There's got to be a support system. Sorry if it's not to your liking, but I encourage you to branch out and find another outlet. You're new to this whole SPing thing. Trust me...you're going to need help too.

or we wouldn't have married our husbands in the first place. My sister has stepchildren and I already knew that it wouldn't be the Brady Bunch at my house, but I thought we could work together and reach a point where we were a family.

Guess what? It didn't turn out that way and it wasn't from a lack of trying on our part. My older SD had two very different households - ours had rules and chores, her BMs didn't. Gee, I wonder which one was more appealing to her? BM withheld communication, lied to her and her sister and generally made sure that she did the exact opposite of DH and I did. Then she would send the children to us, saying they were out of control and she couldn't handle them. We would talk to them, provide structure and begin to see them growing into nice, respectful girls. THEN we would get the call, usually when she needed the child support money again, that she missed them, and she would talk to them, crying and saying how much she missed them and how mcuh stuff she had for them. So back they went. Older SD even lived with us for 2 years, then went back to her mom at age 13. We finally had contact with her again, 4 years later at Christmas. Little did we know that she was pregnant and about to drop out of school. The same happened to the younger one.

So don't you dare tell us that we don't care and that it is our fault that the kids have so many problems. You haven't tried to provide for children, love them and teach them and had it thrown back in your face at every opportunity. When you have been in the SM role for a while and if your life is all roses and sunshine, THEN you can tell us everything we have done wrong.

Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.

With Peter Pan and feel sorry for all of these LOST children. You stated that these children are living in difficult situations and that it is no wonder they act out. While this is an acceptable excuse for young children, it is not acceptable for older children who know right from wrong. Are you attempting to say that any of these children are incapable of seeing and feeling that they are loved and cared for in our homes? That they are incapable of seeing all that we do for them, the time, the energy and the money we put into and out for them? Do you truly believe that because we vent and state we feel like giving up, throwing in the towel so to speak that that is what we have done? If so, then can you explain why we are back here the next day? If we had truly decided to give up, where would there be an inclination to even come back to this or any other site..as our decisons would have been made, right? You state that these kids did not create the situation. I dont believe I have ever seen any person post on here that they did.However, are you attempting to say that alot(not all) but indeed alot of specifically the older ones, do not take this situation that they did not create and utilize it by attempting to make the parents feel guilty,and play on that guilt for their own personal agenda's? And in regards to the younger children who did not chose this, guess what WE did not chose to have a little hellion come into our homes..which btw is due to the wonderful raising or should I say lack thereof in the custodial parents home and the b.s they are ingraining into the childs head, oh and let's dont forget the wonderful judicial system that hands the majority of these children over to unstable, (financially and mentally) mothers who btw recieved the child for the mere reason that they are the ones who pushed them out..(no great feat as millions of us do it daily).Yes, we knew when we married our husbands that we were in essence marrying their children too, Did you walk into your marraige knowing that you were marrying the ex wife? Guess what? Neither did we and that is our biggest venting here! To expect that for the kids happiness alone we are to hand over our lives, our dreams, our goals, our homes, our privacy, our values, our morality,sanity and our husbands, then you are the one with the issues sweetie. It appears to me that you are willing to throw in the towel on your own independence,refusing to acknowledge your own pain and disappointments, that what another wants, no, even going as far as demands from you, you will buckle because God forbid you teach his/your children that in this life ONE BETTER STAND FOR SOMETHING! Truly, how can you change what you are not willing to face exists within you??You want to call those of us who post on this website, selfish, lacking in self esteem, and spoiled? And exactly who are you to make this judgement? Lets explore your dramatic need to name call starting with the first. Selfish. Is it selfish that we take in a child that we did not bring into this world, yet offer our hearts, our love, our compassion, our homes, our money, our patience, our understanding, only to be critizied for our every attempt? To be pushed aside as if we do not exist? To be run down and called obscene names by the C.P. to the child/children, only so they can create the havoc they create when they enter our homes agian. Lacking in self esteem? Are you friggin kidding me. I am filled with High self esteem, as I know many women and men who post here are, and I promote a high self esteem in those around me, especially my children, stepchild and Husband. Why exactly do you think we get ticked and even have to vent? It is because WE REFUSE to stand by and allow anyone to try and push us down, push us out, pretend that we do not exist, pretend that we have no say or no influence in any part of our lives to include the C.P child/children who come in and out of our homes. To have no self esteem Sweetie, would be to allow what happens to happen in our home, to do nothing to try and change it, to allow the havoc the children and the ex's to control our decisions,our lives, and as far as I have seen, NONE of the women here have done that, and yet you suggest in a round about way that we should as the children are victims.Spoiled...I have personally lived an extremely hard life, growing up and in my very unwise choice in marrying and staying in my first marraige and because of the things I have experienced, I will be the first to tell you that the only spoiling I recieve is what I take time to give to myself. My chosen career is one where I am giving, protecting, putting myself out there for you and anyone else who needs me, I am the same in my private life. I will give fully with full heart and I will protect what is mine. NO, Spoiled are the C.P.( Most often Mothers) who suck every dime from their ex husbands,then demand more and more! Low self esteem? That agian is the C.P (mother) who cant fathom that the men we married are happier WITHOUT them, that they must constantly make themselves known, that they must use their very own flesh and blood to make them feel better about themselves by running down alot of wonderful fathers and stepmothers all so they can feel good about themselves!! And SELFISH...Please, We are not the one's who withhold visitations with these vicitimized children, we are not the ones who feel the need to intrude every 5 minutes with phone call's to the children when they are with us, however the bm does so they do not feel forgotten or God forbid the child finds some sort of normalacy, love and acceptance in our home. We are not the one's that feel we must make false allegations at every turn in order to show who has the power and control, we are not the one's who make the children feel guilty for loving the bm as she does to the child about loving us...Selfish, Mishsea, we are the MOST UNSELFISH group of people you could ever have the priviledge of knowing. You claim you find most of the posts here depressing or desperate....YA THINK???????? What do you expect to hear from people who are GIVING everything they have in every way only to get slapped in the face with each attempt. Even my sweet Savior Jesus complained to God himself about the persecution he was experiencing...If the strongest of the strong, the most loving of all who loves could turn to his father in heaven and ask that "If it be your will, let this cup pass me over", In refering to having to die on the cross for us, people who showed no gratitude, who showed no compromise, who showed no love, then who are you to say that we have no rights to expressing our fears our anger, our desire to let this cup pass over us as well? And a little FYI for you, Christ still died for us, and we women and men who post here are still fighting the good fight agiants these manipulating, lying, havoc creating, women(and sometimes men). You state that WE have control of these children's lives, your wrong! For those of us that are the N.C.P, we have very limited influence on these children and what changes for the better we attempt to help create in them is destroyed the minute they walk back into the C.P home. Thus, with each visitation we have, we start back at square one. Martyr's.....IF and I do mean IF, I have to continue to suffer the persecution, the torture(emotionally or otherwise) and even death for a cause(these children) or for my beliefs, then please feel free to label me as such..However, what are you when you turn a blind eye and refuse to acknowledge the turmoil that resides within you (as you stated that you had posted a few gripey posts, then felt that was wrong???) Your pretending that what you are feeling is unworthy of being faced, that you are not only judgemental of us, but moreso of yourself because you cannot face the truth that truly resides inside of you. We all look for better answers and solutions daily here, and the biggest help we recieve is knowing we are not in battle alone, that many many people are experiencing the same thing and in that we find the RESOLVE, THE STRENGTH, THE ENDURANCE AND THE PERSERVERANCE,to continue to give all we have to these children,our husbands and ourselves. Good luck in finding that all on your own dear Wendy.

Please define "kids."

I have BD4 who gets to use the "she's only four, she doesn't know any better" card every once in a while. I also have SD15 who DOES know better, who CAN control her behavior, who HAS learned the ability to censor herself, who SHOULD be held up to higher expectations and who WILL suffer different consequences for behavior than the younger children might. Yes, they are KIDS, but the older ones are adults-in-training. You can't use the I HAD A BAD CHILDHOOD excuse forever. It's called personal responsibility and if we don't teach it to our KIDS, then they'll never learn how to be ADULTS.

By the way, I've gotten more positive support on this site than I have ANYWHERE else, and I do mean ANYWHERE. Your participation on this site, Mishsea, is not required.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

I think that Mishsea brings the perspective of a new step parent. As a new step parent, some of the comments and situations would be disconcerting to read...I know that they would have been for me when I was just beginning step family life. It doesn't make it wrong...just different from where others might be at this time in their step family lives.

Truth is...the function of step families as with any team is up to everyone.

Do you think we got our point across? Geez, what a tough bunch we are! MIshsea will remember us years from now

I hope that you continue to enjoy your life in your new step family. I pray that you don't need to vent about bad situations that happen to you. But then having said that I have had times that I have needed to vent about situations with my own kids...doesn't mean that I care about them any less, just that it is sometimes hard to deal with. I wish you well, Mishsea.

...else how would we have made it this far?! I think we just close ranks when we get posts from those who don't get it. I have enough people in my life who don't get it. I come here to hang with people who DO get it. And as I like to point out, being a member here isn't mandatory when you marry someone with children. If it's not for you, you don't have to stay. Judge ye not...

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

Maybe she just has perfect stepkids who love her and respect her, who abide by the house rules, who expect no special treatment on their weekend visits, who's bio parents are mature and get along great. The 2 sets of step parents maybe best buddies and the kids are loving, fun and affectionate toward her. Maybe no adult feels overwhelmed or jealous or uses the other for financial purposes only.

Maybe her step kids were never abused, never tried to come between her and her DH, maybe she never got dobbed in by BM to welfare for false abuse allegations and gets on great with her inlaws and they support her every step with her new role.

Maybe they don't pay CS or have never been to court for CS matters. Maybe BM has never dragged their asses through court for anything, never lied to the judge, lied to the kids and anyone else who will listen. Maybe the kids have never lied to anyone about anything.

Maybe her DH is a great Dad , takes the load for HIS kids, supports her 100%, is a great Step dad to her kids and hangs a f**king picture the second she asks him to!!

I think I covered everyones reasons for a good old vent??!!

If this is true then she has nothing to vent anyway. So good luck to her and I wish I had all this to boast about on this site for a good hoe down happy F'ing moment :o

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

And while the rest of us are shopping at Walgreens, she is living in her perfect world....

Thats what this seemed like cause I have found positive blogs about how the day went well and these step parents take time to love on their step kids and value them and how even after all that they go through they wouldn't trade them. I have no problem with anyone posting an opinion but it should be an informed one-most of us have been at this for years and it will wear at you and sometimes you don't like your kids and stepkids( you can't like someone all the time) but we all love them regardless. I came here so that I can say the things that make my blood boil and I would rather spend the extra 5 or so years with my children or grandchildren rather than dying early from the stress of holding in all this anger and upset! If you had taken time you'd see that we try to help each other through the things we've been through since most of us didn't get the instructions on dealing with irrational, selfish BMs who will stop at nothing to spite the other parent or make others unhappy. I didn't get the fairytale package, not close but I got a princess and I know that is the most important part but I also can't pretend that the other stuff doesn't exist. I do Wish you the best of luck in life but agree that this is like a person interviewing for a job telling the manager about the job.

But could SOMEONE enlighten me PLEASE... WHO is blaming the kids? I mean seriously?!?! I'm sorry, honey, but I don't know what posts you're reading that gave you that impression? I really don't know and I really want to understand. I really want to know what makes you think that the kids are being blamed?

I just don't understand I guess. I my self, don't blame the kids... no. They are stuck in the middle, and I can guarantee that just about every lady here doesn't believe that the kids are solely to blame... But with that said, there are certain situations- everyone has a story- where some issues do arise because of manipulation. Is this what you are referring too? Could it be a misinterpretation perhaps? I don't know.

Kids do learn how to manipulate their parents, especially in a divorce situation with guilty conscious parents. And when you have one parent who lacks in rules, boundaries, responsibilities, and what not... it makes for a very very very rocky, unstable environment for those kids that do misbehave. Yes, you're absolutely correct that the parents are to blame, however just as equally the kids need to learn. It is a sad fact of truth that we must admit.

You know, I find it very sad. For the posts that seem to stick in your mind are not what I find most prominent in mine. I see a group of strong women, who only want the best for their children, and got through great lengths to keep the kids protected, loved and cared for. I don't get the same impression, so therefore, I must not read those posts... I tend to gravitate to those that really need the support, want the help and are willing to let me lean on them when need be. That's what I read... that's what I see... and that's what keeps me here.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Martyr? Yeah, real nice word. Lady, you don't know even half of what you're preaching.

Me, for instance? My step kid isn't just a "pain in the ass". That kind of thing I could TAKE and ask for seconds.

And you find it sad how quickly we've given up? HEY! GENIUS! I have been around since my step child was BORN. I was there for new and glorious perfection, right on through to her self-destructive spiral into hell. The fact that I have loved her, and still love her FAR TOO MUCH to stand by and watch it happen without any power as a step parent IS NOT MY FAULT. I am only the STEP, remember?! I have no real power or influence, I am like a fucking ornament.

Am I Jesus Christ all the sudden? Can I turn water into wine and make one or two fish into baskets full?! NO I CAN'T. All I can do, all any of us can do, is love our hardest and damndest, go to doctors, paint smiles on our faces even when we want to sob, and climb out of bed in the morning and HOPE THAT THAT DAY IS THE DAY WHERE WE ARE AS HAPPY AS WE ENVISIONED WE'D BE WITH OUT BROKEN YET LOVING NEW FAMILIES.

So put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, you righteous little thing.

And I totally agree; this is NOT the right forum for YOU.

But you know what? I wish you the best. Maybe you'll be the ONE who makes it through this type of relationship without the battle scars many of us will wear FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

This has me wondering about the years of collective experience this community has with stepparenting. What about doing a poll showing how many years we've been in this life? How many years have you been in the stepparent role: less than 1 year, 1-2 years, 2-5 years, 5-7 years, 7-10 years, 10-15 years, 15+ years. That would be interesting.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

To me this attitude is like where I work. The new staff are kind of jabbed "cuz they don't know what it's like in the trenches'...not like the more experienced folks do. The thing that I don't get is why be so angry with her because she voice her opinion. Think about it...apply what fits and discard the rest....that is what I do with a lot of the postings.

A posting like hers gives me hope and some remind me of what it was always like during the bad times after we had been married for a few years and the kids were in their teen years. I often thought really awful things about my stepkids too...some were real and some were not. Things are better now as everyone is grown.

I am happy to see that their are people are doing well and hoping to stay that way. Why does this make people so angry and agitated?! I don't understand.

These responses are EXCELLENT! I couldn't have put it better myself! The ladies on this site have given me hope about my situations and enlightened me to ones to come. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends...anywhere. As Anne said...your participation is NOT required Mishsea but if your fairy tale marriage to your perfect husband with your perfect step children starts crumbling around you - we'll let you come back to vent about it! 'Cause that's just the kind of people we are! But until then may the force be with you....you will need it.

Not to piss ya'll off any time soon! :O Just kidding, but I had to put my $.02 in here. I appreciate you ladies so much, what you have done in your lives and the difficulties you have shared with the "newbies" here to help us all get through these issues that we face daily. This forum makes such an impact on my life and trickles down to everyone in my home, all for the better. I know that I rant and rave about SD and DH but I don't blame SD for her issues, I know that DH and BM have made their bed and in years to come will have to lie in a very uncomfortable place, most of that I can not change, but I will love and support her and my DH as much as possible. I am sure that my views are not the most popular on this site but they are mine and this is how I put on my smiley face every day and keep going. I just wanted to say thank you to mishea for making me think about why I am here, I may not agree with her judgment of our group but it really made me appreciate each of you a little more. Thank you ladies (and gents) for being here for me and each other. I'll be having my cocktail later and thinking of all of you in hopes that your weekend is a happy and drama free one.

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Children being raised by 2 different households will have problems, esp when one household is determined to undermine the other. If you have a BM like that (and it seems that most of us do), it makes it very confusing for a child.

However, when the child becomes an adult, and he or she is making his/her own decisions and choices, then I think the responsibilty shifts. Unless there is another issue (mental problems, for example), most people know the difference between right and wrong. So if an adult SK chooses to lie, leech off the family, disrespect the parent or SP, then that is the fault of the SK at that point.

If mishsea had read more posts and read them more carefully, I think she might have realized there is a real difference among those of us dealing with adult SKs (like me) and those of you who are dealing with the young ones. If we seem angry, I think it is like Anne said; we don't like a newcomer telling us what we should be doing. I have been a stepparent for 10 years...I really don't think she knows what I have experienced.

marika

Marika, I agree with you, but I don't think I can say that only adult SKs should be held responsible. If the courts can try a minor of 13 as an adult for a crime, then certainly we as parents can do the same. When I was 13, I knew right from wrong. Hell, I knew it when I was 5. Why? Because I was not allowed to act out. My parents had a TERRIBLE relationship that my sister and I were all too often exposed to as young children. I can remember incidents when I would fly off the handle, or be insolent to one of my parents, or attack someone verbally because I was tired of listening to the constant fighting. And everytime, I was disciplined for it. Now, as an adult, when I feel like throwing a pity-party for myself, or blame my failed relationships on my childhood, I stop myself immediately and remember that I do NOT have to be a victim of my past, or of circumstance. I am a healthy, productive member of society because, although in an ironic way I am congratulating my parents on fixing the problem that they created in the first place, my parents did not allow me to pass off my actions as a child, teen, or adult on other people or situations.

These lessons can and should be taught early on. Don't we teach our kids that when they get hit, they should tell an adult instead of hitting back? I don't accept the "she hit me first" excuse, except of course in sitations where self-defense is honestly an issue. Don't we say that just because the whole group is pressuring our kid to do something, they should be strong enough to stand up and say "no"? This essentially stems from the same theory--that we all have free will and regardless of what happens around us, we need to think before we act and cannot always behave how we'd like to when we're upset. I have all of the sympathy in the world for kids that have to be a part of the BM/BF struggle. But I refuse to give a pass on bad behavior because "they're just kids". If Sps are coming here to complain, then obviously thre is an adult in the child's life that DOES try and teach right from wrong, so we can't say that the kids don't know. Many ARE taught, but because many parents choose to victimize these kids, when those teachings are ignored, there are no consquences. The worst thing to do to a kid that's already had it rough is to set him up for a life of hardship. Life is hard, and we need to prepare our kids for that early. We can do this very easily by setting boundaries and enforcing them.

Sorry, I got my sarcasm caught in my throat.

Gee, I wish I knew as much about children as mishsea does. After all, I have only been a middle school teacher for 15 years, and a coach for the high school speech team for 10 years. I surely don't know a thing about how the adolescent brain works.

And I am sure that I only have evil, mean spiteful things to say about my family and that has poisoned my mind. I mean, I can't be like her and only have positive, kind conversations with people. And I sure wish I could only have positive thoughts like her.

GET REAL!! This is my diary. I get to write exactly what I think and feel here because I have to do it somewhere. I have been taught by my parents to not say things that are hurtful. Yes, I know that some of what I posted here would surely hurt someone's feelings, but by saying it here, I can phrase it more kindly when I actually confront the people in RL.

And no, we are not all assuming that your situation, mishsea, will turn sour. WE just want you to realize that you are blaming us and only us for our situations without reading the entire story we have posted. Yes, there are 3 sides to each story - my side, your side and the truth - but you haven't read the full side of anything.

OK...I am done here. This whole thread just ticked me off to no end.

marika

I think I was clear the first time but thanks for shoving it down my throat again...I guess you are just better than the rest of us. Good for you!

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Boy, I LOVE it when people come to message boards to toss out incendiary comments, then claim to be leaving, only to pop back up shortly thereafter to complain about being criticized. That's not at all L A M E.

No one here would ever wish you bad luck at all. Because you are not quite as secure as you claim to be--your defensiveness is a major clue--you picked and pulled each post apart and chose to cling to the things that bothered you so as to have a reason to bitch. I suggest going for a run or taking kickboxing classes. Some of that pent up frustration needs to be released, girl! It must be tough...sounds like you've got 2 kids to raise in that house.

It's okay, you can tell us--what did you, or someone that you love, do in the teenage years that shame you so much that you have convinced yourself only a person of 20+ years can be held responsible for their actions? If you were such an authority on child psychology, tell me then why children can be tried as adults when they commit crimes? Tell me why 18 is the age of consent and the age where people are considered adults in the eyes of the law? If your theory was correct, a million mental health professionals would be screaming about unfair laws in this country.

Would you preach to a cancer victim how s/he should be dealing with a serious illness? Would you try to tell a mother who lost her child how to handle it? Well, ladies, this is monumental. We've found the first person on earth that does not need a support system. That has never complained or been aggravated. Tell me, how does it feel to actually shit spun gold?

"... and if Mishsea is OKAY WITH THAT, and thinks that this child NOT having thier MOTHER in the picture will not have any kind of effect on the family WHATSOEVER, or that down the road BM will open her eyes to some extent and want to be a part of this kids life.... than YOU HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS"

I totally agree.

I couldn't have said it any better than going crazy did. Way to go. Mishsea, or should I just call you Mrs Brady? Your day will come. You don't know what your steplife has in store for you. I am sure you will be eating your words and looking back on this site for venting. Your life is not going to be as rosy as you think it will be. You say fairytales don't happen in real life, but yet you are living in a fairytale world just from what you think your life is going to be. You are not better than any one of these ladies on these posts. If anything, we are better than you for having to deal with the shit that gets flung our way. When you are seeking to vent and I think it will be sooner than later....don't say we didn't tell you so.

I am gonna make this as to the point as possible.

I don't think either of you understand that we have been attacked & judged by Mishsea. She has come here and verbally attacked a bunch of women, who a week ago would have given her all the hugs, advice and prayers in the world for her family. Supported her, listened to her and cried for her in certain situations.

This attack & judgement was for a few select posts of women having a really bad day and falling apart from the inside. We don't take every word people say as gospel or their true feelings, but we listen to them (including myself) pray and send warm hugs and hope to them.

Have you never heard the saying ' I CAN CALL MY MOMMA A BITCH, BUT IF I HEAR YOU SAY IT, GOD HELP YOU'?? For god sake get off your damn soapboxes and give us break!! We are not the ones telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing and we don't want to be told what you think of us. If don't like this site, go away!! Don't send a stupid 'goodbye' post to us, which you obviously made sure you continued to read the answers to, people like you just piss me off!

Why are we mean?? Geez!! What a crock of shit!! She attacks us, tells us we are pathetic and we are being mean!! All her positivity could have been better put to use to help someone instead of demean all of us.

We should end this thread now and bid Mishsea farewell.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.

I dont believe our responses started as an "attack" on Mishsea, nor do I believe that there was a need to prove her wrong. I know that my initial post was to enlighten Mishsea on the facts as she stated them, which by the way were inaccurate. If Mishsea has the right (as she and any other poster does) to voice her opinion in regards to children being the victims,then we also have the right to point out where just maybe she should take a look at whom the majority of the victimization is being initiated by, which is more often then not the vindictive, overbearing, controlling, manipulative and lying bm. Do we vent about the actions of these children( regardless of their ages? of course we do.)because we believe them to be the victimizers of us as bioparents or stepparents? No. What we vent about is the struggle we each have had to experience in one way or another as to the behavior, actions and words that these children who are more often than not are being raised by the C.P. who allows and even promotes the behavior, actions and words that these children continue when in our homes. It is no way wrong for any of us to expect that these children learn manners, appreciation and respect not for just us, but for all adults, for all other children who are their equals and for other children(be it brother's, sisters, bio, halves or step's) who are learning the same negative behavior from their siblings. The venting comes in to play when we as bio or stepparents do all we can to teach, promote and encourage appropriate behavior in our stepchildren only to have the C.P. work agiants us intentionally.The unfortuante fact of the matter is that when one is once involved in the stepfamily dynamics, we all have the ability to become the victims and/or victimizers. However, to make such a generalization regarding any and/or all of us stepparents is in and of itself profiling, which has no place in this type of forum, nor in society itself.

I'm willing to bet you this poster, mishsea, will only come back under a new name or anonymous poster. LOL....

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Personally, when I first read this poster, I really thought she has a guilt complex for something and is now back peddling... hard to say.

Interestingly enough, every post she has made (exception of a couple) have all stated a same theme of troubled kids as if they (we) are just tossing these kids to the wolves, alone, hungry, and unprotected. She's developed a grudge over us for some reason, and not really looking at the bigger picture of everyone's situation. That's the sad fact of this site, if you're new, you tend to judge and assume, but it takes some patience, and then you start to realize, OH... the bigger picture after you start to get more insight into each and everyone's situation.

I don't think she understands that yet. I think she's made some broad assumptions about others... everyone goes through a learning curve here, hopefully, she'll realize that.

She WILL be back... it's inevitable. Called human curiosity.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

I giggle everytime I type BM. As you will see I never use BB (bio Bitch) I much prefer BM because as I see it (in my case anyway) BM is ot for Bio Mom, it is for Bowel Movement. Which is what she is. Anyway, I am gonna vote that Misshea is none other than....dun dun dun.... ANDREA! Mocha2001' evil biological mother.

This site, Step Talk, is "Where Stepparents Come to Vent." It's right there in bold black font, what this site is about. And thank goodness we all have it, because we can say what we need to here, and relieve some of the pressure we are under, thus making life easier for everyone in our circle of relations.

Hey Mishea, Im glad that you are so well adjusted, perfect, accepting and never let anything get to you. You have the perfect life, so what are you doing here. Good luck to you.

For the rest of us mere mortals dealing with very real human emotions and situations that are often THRUST apon us, this is a FABULOUS SITE.

Just keep smiling......................