I'm sorry no, love isn't enough. A family is all about helping and supporting each other. You have six children in your home that are perfectly capable of helping you both and you need to put them to work. Your DH and yourself are killing yourselves to support and pick up after these children and then catering to their food tastes as well. Unless there is a food allergy I cook normal, good meals and if any of the kids don't like it that's really too bad.

Guidelines and expectations are good lessons as the world will not pander to them and structure and chores are a normal part of the family dynamic. Wish you the best and know that you're not alone.

If you and your DH have a great relationship then he will back you up. You need a chore chart. There need to be consequences if the boys don't pick up after themselves. Everyone pitches in and helps keep the house cleaned up.

As far as dinner, the boys eat what you make or they don't eat. Stop catering meals for them. In our house, if you don't like what we are having, there are sandwich fixings or leftovers. All of your kids, with maybe the exception of the 6 year old, are capable of fixing something simple for dinner. If your DH wants to cater to his picky kid, then he makes the meal for him or he can buy spaghetti o's and pizzas for the kids to prepare for himself. Stop having a war over food. I understand that it isn't the healthy diet but it sounds like the kid isn't eating the healthiest anyways.

I think you should put more focus on your kids. When DH's sons are with you for the weekend, pick up your kids and take them out. Spend some one on one time with them while DH spends one on one time with his boys. Trust me, your kids will thank you and it will give you a few hours to decompress.

If your DH is as wonderful as you say, he will be on board with all of this and will understand that you need a break.

I don’t get this, there were time where there wasn’t money for great meals. Lots of pasta,eqq chicken meat loaf hamburgers. Ect. Nobody went to bed hungry, nobody missed a meal. Lucky to have chuck steak once a week or so. Everybody know this was it for diner. Either eat this or PB&G Everybody survive

Unfortunately this meal thing is crazy, you can’t cook six different meals. All of them have to learn that, they have to eat what you make. There are time where money is tight and you have to cook what you have. Breakfast for diner
Everybody is catering to these kids. Your SO must either take a stand and tell the kids to eat what in their plate or he will have to cook and clean up for his kids. You mush have chores for each kid. Something age appropriate for each child. Picking up the house. Clean there rooms. Doing dishes either they do it or some type of punishment

The faster you do this the easier it’s going to be for all

Sounds like you are stressed more about the day to day lifestyle of having 6 kids in the house rather than simply not liking you skids. That's tough but it could be worse. In my case my skids are a pain in the ass, my spouse won't support me when issues come up between me and the skids. I'm leaning towards disengaging from my skids even though it's probably going to cost me my marriage. But at this point I'd rather have my sanity and happiness.

"They leave dirty clothes"

With the exception of the 6yo, these children are old enough to do their own laundry. Anything not kept in a basket should be confiscated at the end of the day. When they run out of clothes, they will learn to keep better track of their stuff.

"...candy and snack wrappers etc laying around everywhere."

Between the idiotic food issues and the litter, there should be no more snacks available in this house. Stop buying them. Completely.

You don't keep going like this.

*First, the older 4 can do their own damned laundry.

*2. They all can pick up what they are told to pick up when they are told to pick it up or they suffer the consequences of defiance.

*3. No special meals for any of them they all eat what is prepared or they starve. PERIOD! If they don't like something.. they can pick that out of the meal.

So, no more debate, not even with your husband. Post the rules of reasonable behavior and hold all of the kids accountable for compliance with those rules in an age appropriate manner. Apply age appropriate consequences for failure to comply.

For sure rules should clearly stipulate... EAT WHAT IS PREPARED, if you are 8yo or older... do your own damned laundry, pick up after yourself or you will pick up after everyone else because the adults will not ask who left the mess.

Keep a paddle next to the behavior/rules list and warm up your tennis forehand on some kid butt when necessary. Quit making this so difficult on yourself. Buy a giant box of garbage bags and start bagging up the kid messes and dump them on the curb. No matter what it is. Laptops,IPads, cell phones, clothes, school supplies, books, etc, etc, etc.... if it is not put where it belongs in goes in the garbage an onto the curb. If they realize it is not where they dumped it they have until the garbage truck comes by to figure it up. IMHO of course. Good luck.

I think in all the responses you can see that preparing diff food for 6 diff. ppl is not required of you. I would customize when its easy (throw sausage into the gravy after you've taken some out for the one child) or NOT AT ALL. They will not starve. Just serve whatever is on your menu plan w/out fanfare. Let the complaints go in one ear and out the other - SMILE. They are kids and you are not a restaurant!

Hey! This might end up being a family moment if the kids want to get in there and cook as well (?). Make it clear that you are happy if they wish to prepare their own meals.

OMG- laundry!!!  I do laundry now once a week. Period. Several loads of course but it takes up ONE day- I'm no longer doing laundry daily. SO much better!!!! Life changing! *yahoo*

As for cleaning - My idea is to let them keep their room in any manner they wish - common areas are another story. I love the confiscating idea. Funny. Maybe a drawer and THEN the trash can?

Just make sure each kid knows the new rules. While u feel like dropping the hammer, I find a more casual announcement about the rules is more effective. I think it triggers less of that need to rebel and exert themselves. IMHO. The good news is your life is about to get a whole lot less frustrating!!!!