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Bopeeps's picture

Submitted by Bopeeps on Fri, 06/30/2017 - 8:37pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Ok. Background. My H and I met just as his divorce was finalized. We dated for two years before making he proposed. My three sons, 32, 31, and 26 like H and I Thought his 2 adult daughters, 27 and 24 liked me. To my face they have been ok but at rehearsal dinner for wedding they were rude and evidently said some things about me and my family in front of H. H put them in their place and they chose to leave that night and did not come to the wedding. It has been a month and they are still not talking to either of us.
Is this irreparable?

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Fri, 06/30/2017 - 11:17pm

^^^THIS^^^ "Don't make it your business. Anything you do will only make matters worse, despite your best intentions." Also: "--you should also read these boards and see how many women blame and hate their stepkids but never hate the man who shows his wife zero respect and allows his kids to be so terrible to her." Good advice.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 07/02/2017 - 3:07pm

"Don't make it your business. Anything you do will only make matters worse, despite your best intentions."

I second this comment! I would add to focus on your marriage and loving the man who stood up for you rather than focusing on HIS relationship with HIS disrespectful children. They likely will come around, holidays and all, just remember to keep your boundaries in place around yourself and your marriage. Don't trust them, keep your distance.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Submitted by SacrificialLamb on Fri, 06/30/2017 - 10:04pm

Is WHAT irreparable? Your marriage or your relationship with DHs daughters? You married DH, not his poor poor adult DDs, 27 and 24. And now you know what they are made of.

You are one lucky woman that your DH even recognized what his daughters were doing the night before the wedding rather than stick his head in the sand.

DH and I didn't have a rehearsal dinner, but this reminds me of the night before our wedding, when people were going around the dining room toasting us, OSD28 announces "now I can't just go to my dad's house whenever I want!!!!!" Hey great toast OSD28. DH just stood there. I didn't know enough to know things would get worse with his precious snowflake, now in her 40's.

Your DH's little snowflakes will come crawling back; I agree above, when they want something. Now you know these women are not your friends. And I hope for your sake your DH keeps ahold of his balls and these SDs learned their boundaries quickly.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Sat, 07/01/2017 - 11:59am

My advice is to just let it be. Do nothing. You didn't start it. You are not the one who "put them in their place". No need to take action now.

But by no action that also means that you do not badmouth them to your DH. You don't complain if he chooses to talk to them or to see them. But do not invite them to your home.

If they decide to grow up and act right then maybe you can accept some contact with them. But that is your choice and yours alone. These are not minor children. Your DH does not need your participation to have a relationship with them. Nor should he need your permission to have a relationship with them - but he has no right to try to foist them on you.

I have friends that my DH does not spend time with. I do not have anything to do with my DH's grown son. DH and I have a wonderful life. I don't think my not seeing his son is any big deal. DH has a car, phone and computer - he certainly doesn't need me to make contact with his son. SS and his GF have a home and there are a zillion public places they can meet up. My home is off limits though.

momjkm's picture

Submitted by momjkm on Sun, 07/02/2017 - 6:04am

To bopeeps-you hit the new husband jackpot. Enjoy him. He is unique compared to most on here if you see others stories. I am still in sort of a shock stage because I feel like a got so played by my DH. Its like he hid how he really was till I was knee deep into my new life with him. Things seemed ok until after our wedding. I have never done anything mean/bad to his kids and their wives but a cold shoulder just crept up somehow. And when I addressed the fact that its not ok to come to my house and not speak to me-I was a troublemaker. We don't dare upset them and there is no problem. I do take comfort in the fact that I raised my own kids right and I would put my foot up their butts if they were ever disrespectful to someone I was with. I have let my DH know that kissing his kids/their wives assed will never be an option for me. The real kicker is my DH will talk shit about everyone else kids and all their flaws.. I feel so deceived.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 07/03/2017 - 2:23am

Don't let it bother you, they made the decision not you or your husband....

he told them something they did not like to hear..... thus support your husband and ignore the fact his daughters are brats, it's between him and them, enjoy your life without the adult daughters causing issues right now,

and take this as a sign to fully disengage from them, never allow them in your heart or mind and focus on your husband only... these girls made their choice, they will have to live with it