How do you find a good counselor?
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After a year with my Skids in my life I've realized I need therapy. I looked up therapists on my insurance company's website, picked one and made an appointment. I've seen her 4 or 5 times and all she does is listen and occasionally state that I am a good mom, I'm a good person, Skids are lucky to have me, but nothing of true value. I just don't feel like she's helping in any way and I've decided to move on. Trouble is...I have no idea how to go about finding a GOOD therapist. Thoughts, ideas or suggestions?
Talk to your friends and
Talk to your friends and family. They may refer you. Or ... ask your GP.
A lot of people really only
A lot of people really only need the reassurance that they are ok to gather the courage to approach challenges. Other people feel like a counsellor should be giving tips on how to control the runaway truck that has become your life. And others feel the counsellor should be helping them understand themselves.
So I guess it depends on your goal. If you need to develop the courage to leave a situation you know is never going to work out, you need someone like you have now. If you need to brainstorm strategies for how you can change your behaviour so that you get what you want out of your life, or if you need to figure out what qualities in you got you into this mess... you need a different counsellor.
Once you figure out what you want, you can tell a new counsellor about what you want to achieve, and you can expect a reasonably coherent plan for how to get there. If you don't feel 'heard' or you don't like the plan, move on.
It's a lot like finding a date. Lots of fish in the sea... but only one you actually want to catch.
It depends on what your goal
It depends on what your goal is.
Most counselors experienced
Most counselors experienced with stepfamilies are going to be extremely child-centric. The best thing you can do is see a therapist on your own first to deal with your issues before diving into the mess of step family life.
Deal with things top down: You first, then your marriage, last step family life.
FPC - this therapist is
FPC - this therapist is telling you, you are a good person, why do you want to move from her, start listening carefully and start believing what your hear....
T could've told you, do more for the skids, treat them like they are your own, keep quiet and be a maid and nanny..
Remember first couple of meeting is usually just a get to know the person, see where the self esteem is at, build up the person, and they can only help depending on how much you are telling them.
but if you feel this person is not listening or helping then move on
Tell your therapist that you
Tell your therapist that you feel heard and validated and now you're ready to move to the next level. If she can't change gears with you then look for someone who is more of a life coach rather than a therapist.
Trial and error. First, look
Trial and error.
First, look for a counselor that meets your specific needs. You would not see a sex therapist for food issues.
Second, search the internet for reviews of the counselor.
Third, make an appointment and 'try one on'.
You may be lucky and find the right fit the first time. My first counselor (marriage) SUCKED. After a few visits, even my now-exH said the counselor sucked. Second counselor was a dream come true.
Good luck!!!