You should probably end the relationship and find someone who doesn't want kids.
I have a BS but didn't want to remarry someone with kids or at least younger kids. I broke my own rule and really regret it at times. Not because I don't love my DH but because my BS has launched and I am ready to travel and be free but we are strapped down with my YSS.
This can make you resentful and regret the decisions you made.

Chalk it up to a 4 month learning experience, in which you learned what you DON'T want. Do not convince yourself to lower your standards, expectations, or priorities.

Find someone else.

Just consider the fact that bio dad said watch your back. He will be in your life for the next 18 years if you stay with her, and his little clone will have the right to terrorize you in your own home. I don't see much future besides misery in that. Four months? That's no time at all. Move on and find someone who has the freedom to be your partner without baggage.

2 year old who swears.
EX who threatens YOU.
Girl in a dead-end job and vagueish plans for something else.

I'd say you have a trifecta of red flags fluttering at you. The people raising a 2 year old should be careful he never hears such words because they are mindful of the behavior they are modeling for a baby and care about his proper progress through his childhood milestones and the behavior he will exhibit. Therefore you know at least one parent doesn't care in a healthy way about the kid's behavior and progress and doesn't mind routinely modeling inappropriate behavior for him.

Every single person on this board can tell you that one parent is all it takes to turn a kid into a nightmare. It is not easy to combat it and you are a person who doesn't even want to do battle for a child of your own (nothing wrong with that, perfectly fine) but are toying with setting yourself up to have to do it for this cretin's kid.

You are also already resenting travel restrictions, etc. At four months in you should be in the "limerance" stage but even limerance* isn't blinding you to some negative feelings.

I actually wanted to be a part of my skids' childhoods but I have wistfully wished for more freedom to travel etc, too.

I say cut and run. Lessons learned. You have no idea how difficult steplife can get. As a contrast my skids other parent is very polite and friendly to me and both children never swear though they are teenagers. But many aspects of this life have been extremely difficult even so. So you would be starting significantly more directly in front of the eight ball than I did. Don't kid yourself, it will be very hard.

*Limerance=psychology term for pink clouds and glitter phase of falling in love. The "love is blind" part. Or as Smokey Robinson says, "when your heart's on fire."

For some reason, this is bringing back memories to me of a scene from a well-known movie where a woman goes out with a guy, seems to have a really good time, and then the guy comes home with her and her 3-4 kids all come screaming out running towards her. The guy turns to her and says something like, “You’ve got kids!? See ya!!” And, he hops in his truck and takes off. The woman shouts some profanity back at him. The message the viewer is supposed to get is something like, what a jerk this guy was for 86’ing this woman “just because” she had kids.

I put the term “just because” in quotes because that is what single people with no children who date single people with children hear all the time. “You shouldn’t reject him/her just because he/she has children.” After all, only a redneck jerk would do that, right?

What these people don’t tell you or don’t recognize is that:
When you marry someone with children from a previous relationship, all of that baggage is going to be coming your way. Baggage from your new spouse, baggage from each child, baggage from the ex-, and so on. You have absolutely no clue what may be coming your way next week or 25 years from now. None. Mom or dad and their kids may seem sweet and kind, and within 2 years, all of them could be acting like you are the dog-to-kick, scapegoat, lackey, ATM, servant gal or guy. Being never around children much, you may start to doubt yourself and feel they must be right. You give in and go out of your way to try to make everyone happy. Next thing you know, you are Evil Stepmom or Dad, and at the bottom of everyone’s list. Then, you wonder what YOU did wrong.

Sounds sour, I’m sure. But just trying to make the point that it is okay to reject someone “just because” they have children. You have absolutely no clue what you could be in for. Families are like icebergs, and until you are able to dive deeper, you will only see the top 15% of what is really going on. What is in the other 85% is a crapshoot that has very little, if anything, to do with you.

nope.... she's is not "The One"........

End it and move on, there's nothing wrong about being a step dad, but you will have to have the support of your partner, seems like your GF still jumps when her Ex demands instead of telling him to take a hike...

We have another Gentleman here, Rags, he will probably tell you as well.... end it, a swearing 2 year old having temper tantrums..... not going to stop with the biodad in his life and you have about 18 years left of this, it's not worth it

It doesn't sound right, I'm sure she needs guidance and the Bio Dad sounds like he does to but you aren't here to save anyone and even if you did, you don't want kids one day and want a different life for yourself.

Just go be you and find someone wonderful to love who wants what you want out of life, and so will the girl you are seeing.

Of course if you love her and she makes your heart sing and you see the rest of you in her (like I did and still do with my husband.. ) then that's different. But if it isn't different, be kind, be gentle and be truthful with her.

You have no obligations to this little family - yet. and for everyone involved make sure if you do become obligated it is because you are sure and want to be.

Amac, here's your fundamental problem: You are NOT this woman's savior!

You know logically that she is not the one for you, but you feel like you need to be the guy on the white horse who gallops in to save her (and her baby). You are looking at this situation from rose-colored hero glasses.

Life ain't a Hollywood movie. And nothing you do will "save" this situation.

Listen to all the good advice you've been given. Get out of this, now. Don't stick around waiting and wondering how to do it, when to do it, etc. Just tell your gal you want to talk and give her the "It's not you, it's me" talk.

Guess what? Despite any of her wailings or knashing of teeth over your departure, I'd be willing to bet that within no time at all, she will have moved on to another "savior" who will help her out.

And you, my dear Amac, will be able to embrace your wonderful freedom and find a hot, sexy, beautiful young woman (without kids) who is self-supporting, blissfully unattached to any ex, and is ready to travel the world with you. Now go out and find her ...

I am a nurse, have been for 20 years now. If I had money for every time I heard "so and so is going to go to nursing school" and they did not go, I would be wealthy. Nursing school is somewhat long, for a bachelor or associate degree you are usually talking at least 3-5 years of work including prerequisite classes. Nursing school is hard, so I hope she is smart and good in the clinical setting as well. It can be expensive and difficult to get into, plus the jobs for new grads nowadays are apparently few and far between, especially in acute care where you get the best experience. Check out online forums or you tube comemetators if you doubt me. Add to all of that the fact that a significant percentage of people who obtain a nursing licence and degree, end up hating the job and quitting within a couple of years and you have a nice pile of student loans with no way to pay them off. Sorry I hopped on that, the fact that she went to phlebotomy school is a little more encouraging, but if you only knew how often the nursing career spiel is spun and then fails....

That said, as others say I would run like hell from this situation. The only reason a nice guy should want to put up with someone else's bratty kid and psycho ex for the rest of their life would be that the woman is special, exquiste, intelligent,ie- there is just nobody else like her on earth. The girl you just described comes a dime a dozen.

Tantrums in a 2 year old are normal. It is possible that dad is encouraging them, but dad doesn't see the child all that often. If mom disciplines effectively it will eventually stop. Or it will stop at her house and continue at dad's house. She may not be disciplining effectively.
If biodad has threatened you, get a restraining order. If he has threatened your girlfriend, she should get a restraining order. If she is successful, she should then be able to use the restraining order to file for a change in circumstances due to domestic violence to have his visitation reduced to supervised which would stop any negative impacts he is having on the child's behavior.

Beyond that, if all you do is worry about everything under the sun, maybe you should leave? Or are you the type the worries about everything all the time and this relationship is not what has you so worried? In which case take a few months and see what you can do to improve this before you cut and run.

Your concern for the child and your girlfriend demonstrates what a good person you are. But can you show the same concern for yourself about getting into a situation that might be physically and mentally draining for you, especially in years to come?

If your girlfriend) has friends and family, they need to step up and help her deal with the abusive ex. These THREE people (the child, your gf. & the ex) are not your responsibility. You have no obligation to care for them or to put up with their drama.

Think about whether you can put your energy into something like this every day for the rest of your life. If you can't, then leave. But remember it doesn't make you a bad person if you choose to do that.

At least for the overwhelming majority of the last nearly 23 years my bride and I have had happily ever after. It looks like it will continue.

My adventure as a StepDad started at about the same point as yours is beginning. SS-24 was 15mos old when his mom and met and he was a week short of 2yo when we married.

I am 12yrs my brides Sr. in age.

So, you and I have a few parallels in our blended family situations though I am 22+ years farther down the path than you are.

1. I am often jealous of couples who are able to travel and take nice vacations.

My wife and I were the ones with the kid while all of our friends had no kids. This was the status quo for nearly the first 10-ish years of our marriage. Then our friends started spawning.

We did not forego trips and time with friends... we just brought the kid with us. He was a hit. A cute little Tow headed toddler who was mellow and easy going and who was not tolerated to misbehave.

Now that our friends all have kids of various ages they are lamenting not doing stuff while we do what we want when we want to do it now that SS is 24 and launched.

I remind them of our young kid years and bringing him along for nearly everything. They are mortified to consider doing the same thing. These are the people who were convinced my bride and I were too strict on our son. Their kids are animals and they are embarrassed to take their spawn out in public.

Not a kid issue IMHO. Definitely a parenting issue.

2. I am often wondering if I want to possibly be a step dad.

Only you can decide. Decide carefully. You are not the only one with skin in this game. Your SO and the Skids will be impacted by your decision regardless of what you decide.

3. I am often worried about the BS her ex will cause.

My Skids SPermidiot and the SpermClan caused some issues .... until we brought the big stick of our superior and ever increasing financial position down on them like a tone of crap in a 1Lb bag in court. If they so much as twitched out of compliance with the CO... we brought the pain. Eventually they learned to for the most part remain under their slime covered rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool.

Try it... it worked well for us.

4.I am often wondering if the kid will turn out alright and do I really want to sign up for this. He's 2 and curses like a sailor. She disciplines him , but he won't stop.

As your SOs equity life partner you are an equity parent to any children in your home regardless of kid biology. So... parent. Set your own standards of behavior for children in your home and enforce those standards. You and SO should set these standards together. If SO doesn't like how you parent and discipline she has a choice. Step up and parent before you have to .... or..... bite her tongue and have your back.

This is what has worked well for my DW, the Kid, and me.

Good luck.

Honestly... When my husband and I first got together, I thought of leaving many, many times. The reason? I didn't want kids anyways, BM was a bit of a hassle, and SD wasn't that behaved.

It's been 5 years since then, we're happily married with a baby on the way (due in 20 weeks!) and BM stays out of our way while SD's behaviour has improved immensely. We are very happy now.

But it wasn't easy and I would say we're an exception to the rule... The first two years or so of our relationship were very, very difficult with a lot of fighting. But we worked hard at it.

We were both SO dedicated to making it work. We've both made so many sacrifices and we've both tried our best to see eye to eye, and we're actually quite similar when it comes to parenting, so that helped, it was just all about getting on the same page, and you won't do that without loving each other enough to make it happen.

I figured I'd give you an opinion from the opposite end of the spectrum. If you love her, like really and truly love her, and think you're meant to be, than it could very well work out for you. If it's still early (and it sounds like it is) and it's not worth trying, than leave.

The only way blended families work is through strong commitment and compromise and it doesn’t sound like your there.

Don’t feel bad, most of us who did stick it out would not make the same decision again if we could go back in time. I know I certainly wouldn’t. I spent the first few years with my DH quite depressed because I felt trapped – I really wanted to be with him but didn’t want to take on his SK’s who were also very young (in nappies) at the time. But I stuck it out because I was committed and it did get better for the most part, although my relationship with my SD12 has deteriorated quite a bit (at least on my side) over the last year or so.
Taking on someone else’s kid is unbelievably hard and unrewarding but taking on a psychotic ex as well just makes your life hell and you have two whole decades of pain given how young your SS is.

I would cut your losses now and find yourself a partner who doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them!