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Social services and police report

2016ov's picture

Need an advice. I have 2 kids 1 y.o boy and 5 y.o girl. Dh is working out of town since 2016. I have 16 y.o. ss. Troble maker, lier, manipulator, hormones, stole underwater before... huge list to write. He is in my house every Tue, Thu and every other f, sat, sun.. Situation, about 6pm he called to ask if I able to pick him up. I not assure and told him to start walk. Ather 20 min, called him back to find where is he. Did not answer, called like 15 min later inform that he still at school. I talk, right now I do not have a time, and tell him walk to home. He mention his leg after track hurts. At 7pm he called, that school security not let him leave and should call to police. I was busy with my routinr. So 1hr later police came, was totally rud to me, tell what I should walk with bare food with out jacket from school, push me sit on cold ground. We have about 25 degrees f. What I not take care of him. Police officers did Not provide their name, card or any docs. Did not let me clarify officially who is who. Tell what is situation. Took my name and tell expect social service for investigation.
Please help me with support and advice how to handle it. I'm wondering about my kids. Dh feel bad and overwelm with possible problem. Bm f###b#### don want take care or her son.

Acratopotes's picture

oh this is easy - you simply tell SS call your Dad, tell the school call his parents, you tell the police... call his parents, I'm not his parent he's not my responsibility...

SS is 16 he's old enough to steal panties, he's old enough to take care of himself, this is not your problem...

you can not do this cause you are busy with English classes yourself, you need some spelling help IMO and grammer

2016ov's picture

Thank you for support. I know my English needs more improvements. They even refused listen to me. So I do not know what to expect... dh do not want to have a deal with bm. Frustrating...

Acratopotes's picture

simply tell DH he will have to deal with BM, he slept with her and he made a kid with her, not you and it's not your responsibility.

Simply tell the police, this is not my kid, he's not my responsibility... get a copy of the boy's birth certificate, steal one if you have to... then show it to them with an id.... and say there you go now eff off... here's the mothers phone number.

Block SS from ever calling you again and remove your number from the contact list at school.

2016ov's picture

Thanks. Good idea... to block his number. I have his BC, however I do not understand the police officer who not let me edxplain. By the way, that 16 ss has some issues with school where is he lied and stole from teacher... They give him a chance and not contacted police, school notified dh.

As should be in my house on this Thu, sat and sun . Wednesday off...
I will let you know what's going on today.

Acratopotes's picture

no no and no

if DH is not there SS will not be there, he can stay with his mother. Dh can pick him up and drop him off, but under no circumstances will SS ever be at your house with DH not present

2016ov's picture

So bm aware that dh is out of town since 2016. Dh told to make those changes in his parenting plan, per his experience we should do through the court, however bm never tried to have her own son out of scheduled days

Acratopotes's picture

nothing to do with parenting plan - not your kid not your problem....

simply get him removed from your property... it's not that hard you know.

2016ov's picture

How to do it? I tried to find information to resolve it, did not find yet, and property is 50/50 with dh.

Nobody contacted me from ss yet.

Acratopotes's picture

Hon... it is not your child and not your responsibility...

simply tell DH you will not look after his son, if he is out of town son can stay with his mother.
do not open the door for the son.

look through the window and shout - your father is not here go back to BM

2016ov's picture

I understand fine (writing skills no so good). O)fficer just yelled about social services, criminal charges and child abuse (without actual explanation law) tell me that not believes, not asked what I did, why it happened. I explained nobody talks to me from school, and make me sit on the stairs.

He refused to follow the directions and commit that situation to us, pretended that his leg hurts, BTW I put cameras and able to see he walks fine then nobody is watching ...

2016ov's picture

Police do not want to listen, was soo angry and rude. How can I remove him from my property (BTW. Its not my property only 50/50 with my DH)? DH is complaining that make affect both of us and our little kids. But how I can make him not to come. For this week only today ss with bm. Police office called to notify that ss forgot his backpack in their car, I was on my way to work, so probably they should drop off his staff at the school. After school, he should go to bm today.

How to do the report on the officer?
Thank you for support and advice

2016ov's picture

Police They tell that "do you want to walk from school with barefoot." Push me to sit on cold ground/stars by the front door; it was about 25F. My mom tried to give me a jacket, they put hand and told my mom to stay inside. BTW he was wearing shoes, hoddie, puffed jacket (what I bought for him). So overwhelm, do not want to handle that. Anyone knows how social service works. DH tried to explain that I am responsible for him too.

https://www.government.nl/topics/family-law/question-and-answer/automati...

2016ov's picture

Thank you for sharing. I have a lots thing to proof of ss behavioral issues.
Who contacted the police? I'm wondering if its any record for me or DH. I do not understand why the school should do this he is not a little kid.

2016ov's picture

He is not constantly, visited us every month... communicate with SS on a daily basis. But it's too hard to have a deal with him. I ignoring SS then he came yesterday. He tried to talk and apologize. Do not want to talk at all. SS cleaned up kitchen and living room from 8pm-10pm, was so quiet, DH spoke with him for 2hrs... I do not anyhow to handle that, talked to a friend she told that Social services its different the world... AS USUAL, THEY REMOVE KIDS AND AFTER START INVESTIGATE... feel frustrating... thinking to call the police and found if they made a case. I know he is trouble teen and has a proof of that, but parents are responsible until 18 y.o. And if he lives in my household and because I married his father its became my automatically responsibility... This is my latest findings.

Please wish me luck and pray to make its resolved and not affect my kids .

Did you have a similar experience a heard about that?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Well, I married my husband and yet I have never become responsible for his children. If you are voluntarily acting as in loco parentis that's really on you and you can resign from that.

But generally speaking you do not have any responsibility for this boy at all. If I were you I'd tell dh "your kid called the cops on me - please make other arrangements for his care and housing when you are not here."

So what if BM won't take him. Dh can hire a caretaker who will pick the boy up from school and board him. SS should be really happy at the age of 16 he earned himself a babysitter. Let's just see who is willing to take on the intermittent guardianship of a 16 year old boy whose mother doesn't even want the responsibility when she can avoid it.

You see? there is no possible way you are "automatically" responsible for this kid. You are only responsible if you make yourself responsible.

The two people who are automatically responsible for him are bm and dh. Nobody else.