I just packed a bag and walked out...
After dealing with rude SD35 shenanigans for the last couple of years, I exploded. Of course the timing was bad!
The eye rolls, the "texting" when I am around and laughing with everyone else. Walk into other SD33 GD1 bd party she didn't even say hello.. and gave glaring looks... no kidding!! She slams doors, pouts, doesn't feed her dog, doesn't let her dog out. One time my H had to tell her to come and pick up her dogs poop off the floor. This was after he told her the dog made a mess and she was like, oh... then he had to tell her to go get it. cigarette butts all over the outside of the house. I could go on and on.. I think the icing was when we were on FaceTime with the GD and she/SD35 happened to be SD33 house. Surprised, I said, did you get the message I sent you? Her reply was, "Yes and I was wondering what this crazy lady was sending me know" (these are just some of the highlights)
I had surgery 8 days ago. SD35 went to SD33 & granddaughter for maybe 8days (she is a teacher and had spring break), SD33 calls Wed and said she was going to bring GD up for the weekend. Excellent ! So the next day, SD35 out of the blue ( no contact since maybe January) send me a text asking how I am doing.
I'm not stupid... she was not concerned about me... I honestly think she wanted to see how I was doing and if she could come up as well.
Yes, I purposely did not answer her message. I tried to talk to my husband about the issue and he was not AT ALL receptive.. He said that was between me and SD35 and didn't want to get in the middle...
Friday... I hobble around, get some homemade bread in the oven and fill the dutch oven filled for dinner. Get myself together, take a shower blah blah.. hubby comes down stairs saying he talked to SD33 about SD35 coming over. That SD35 text him and wants to come and he told her to call me!!!!
I started hyperventilating.... shaking... he threw me under the bus!!
This is a loose loose... I say anything but yes and I'm the bad guy.. SD33 calls SD 35 her best friend. go figure...
I was so shocked to the core... shaking... told him this is why I wanted to talk the other day. He said SD 33 should be here anytime with GD1. OMG! so, he then said i was to let SD35 know ... that it was up to me, STILL..
and then asked for me to contact her!!! So I sent her a text saying that things are not right with our relationship and not sure if she wants to discuss.. but i can't pretend anymore. like the phone was shaking.. i barely got through the text.
Then I told him.. the right thing was for him to spend time with his daughters and gd. so i packed and left.
No word from anyone since then... YES, SD33 and GD left and didn't stay to visit with her father.
Did you pack for good, or
Did you pack for good, or just while they were there?
While they were there.
While they were there.
When there are issues with
When there are issues with adult skids it is ALWAYS a problem with one's spouse.
I have the most worthless SS30 who ever existed but my DH does NOT contribute to the problem. He does not try to force me to have a relationship with his disgusting spawn. Now he did get all pouty when I refused to let SS come to our Christmas celebration but he got over it in a few days.
I do believe that one has to try more with minor skids - but adults - one can let them hang out to dry. Once a skid is an adult they can go eff themselves.
Does skid being 18 nearly 19
Does skid being 18 nearly 19 class as an adult?
I think so but my SO doesnt and is continually trying to make me feel guilty to make the effort!
Toxic adult kids/SKids should
Toxic adult kids/SKids should get no more consideration than any toxic adult. If anything they should get less.
I would suggest that you inform DH that never again will you speak to his girls and that any interface with any of them that impacts you in any way will have to be vetted with and given prior approval by you.
Time to engage the no interface with toxic people mantra. Few people approach or tolerate toxic people so why should it be any differenct if the toxic people are family?
Once again... I thought I was
Once again... I thought I was being "fair" my letting him see his children. But then the SD33 & GD1 left !!!!! She didn't even stay to spend time with her DAD!!!! What does that say??
I am broken hearted... and can't believe he left it for me to deal with at that moment.
Does a family ever recover from this crap?
While I wouldn't have left, I
While I wouldn't have left, I think the more detached from it you are, the less personal you'll take it and the far less upsetting it is for you
When my OSD (whom I'm generally as detached as possible from) comes to visit, I really don't pay any attention to her at all.
She usually shows up with SGS's and SSIL, so between them and DH I can pretty much avoid any conversation with her, without it even appearing deliberate or rude
I say hello (if she is right in front of my face otherwise I don't bother) and polite responses no different than a co-worker I have to get along with, but can't stand, is in my home
Regardless of how little conversation I have with her, I'm always upbeat and positive, and for everyone else that may be at my house at the same time whose energy is good, I enjoy talking with and refuse to let her upset or bring me down
She on the other hand is often rude, huffy, and looking for constant little digs at me, the entire time she is here. She doesn't get the desired response...unless she is very openly rude or ignorant to me then I will address it directly with her, but otherwise, once she's left DH can't say I wasn't polite and decent to her. He also can't say she WAS polite or respectful towards me
My late SF once taught me to never let someone else's behavior dictate mine. Hard to do at times, but I've always tried to remember that. Allow them to act any old nasty rotten way they want, but if you just continue to shine, and don't even give them the time of day to acknowledge you are even aware of their hostility, sometimes it is the best revenge there is!
^So true Disillusioned. I had
^So true Disillusioned. I had a similar experience the other night @ MIL's house. DH dragged ss30 up to see his grandmother since he hasn't visited her in almost 2 years. I was running errands so would meet DH up there later. I came in and ss30 completely ignored me, did not acknowledge my arrival, say hello, nothing. So I did the same, tit for tat. I greeted everyone, hugged and kissed MIL, chatted with SIL. Set out some snack foods I had brought and offered them to everyone except ss. 15 mins after I got there, ss told DH that he had to get home and get stuff done.
It felt really good to be detached from ss's crap for once. Usually I am the one to say Hi, ask how he is, give him some compliment and just be generally nice while he gives out scowls and nasty little jabs. Being the "nice girl" just didn't work in this situation. Being a detached b*tch worked and as a side benefit he left early.
Funny that DH thanked me for how sweet and thoughtful I was that night. Little does he know... }:)
All of this is such awesome
All of this is such awesome information. Wish I had the knowledge before the incident on Friday. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you. So, now what do I do ? I'm pretty sure they will have grudges held etc... DH is no help or support.
Thank you Sally. Thanks to
Thank you Sally. Thanks to all of you!
I am STARTING to understand why I couldn't take it anymore and why I "broke".
Right now... I'm starting to feel a resentment toward DH for not listening to me for the past few years!!! Feel like I can't trust him.... He knows I'm pissed about all this and it's like he's trying to kiss my ass, but what I really want is him to suck it up and tell me that it was not OK for them to treat me like that!!! :sick:
Unreal!!!!
Good read : http://www.stepdigest.com/2015/09/27/the-invisible-woman/
Fried, sorry to say but you
Fried, sorry to say but you probably will never hear DH say it was not okay for them to treat you that way. I wanted my DH to say yes he could see how they were and that it wasn't okay for them to be such biotches to me for the last 16 years. I finally got him to admit that yes his daughters were not nice to me but that he could not and would not ever say anything to them about how they treat me and/or what they say to me. Now I do not spend any time with 2nd oldest SD he knows I will NOT go to her house ever again nor is she welcome at ours. I will only be around oldest SD because she now has a young baby and her 3 older kids who grew up with as Papa and Grandma and she is allowing me to be new baby's grandma so I do not want me and DH to miss out on being in this grandchilds life. I stay far away from oldest SD at events and recently was reminded not to engage her in conversation. She can't manage to be civil to me so I plan to stay away from her. We are going to her daughter's surprise bday party this weekend so I will get to practice what I'm preaching! LOL
LOL still learning, that's
LOL still learning, that's funny. Sounds like your SS didn't like a taste of his own medicine as my Mother would say!
Don't let their problem be
Don't let their problem be your problem Fried, avoid them, stay disengaged from them, and then just go about happily living your life not giving them the time of day!