You are here

Gift giving issue

taraleigh29's picture

Submitted by taraleigh29 on Wed, 01/20/2016 - 11:14am

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

OK so here's my problem:
I have 2 bio daughters and dh has 2 bio daughters. His parents (my daughter's step grands) go overboard on gifts for his girls at Christmas- like $500 worth each and they give my dh something of the same value. For me and my girls- $20 gift card. My issue really isn't with that tho. Here's my thing- I am working 2 jobs to help dh get out of some financial issues he and bio mom got into. So my feeling is that I should be able to spend more of my money on my daughters than I spend on his. His mother has no problem showing favoritism towards her side of the family so why should it be an issue if I do? I have told her not to buy us anything because it's kind of a slap in the face to my kids. I'm not looking for her to give us as much as them but I do think I should quit worrying that all of the girls get equal amounts from me and dh. It's not like they are all together opening gifts- except at his parents house on Christmas Eve. His girls are with their mom on Christmas day so they never have to feel like they got slighted in anyway. Thoughts?

Raggles's picture

Submitted by Raggles on Wed, 01/20/2016 - 11:42am

Stop working 2 jobs to pay his debt!!
Spend your money on your bios as you see fit. If skids get more from their side of the family fair enough but you dont need to. You certainly dont need to explain your actions to anyone if its your money

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Wed, 01/20/2016 - 1:03pm

I have a similar situation in our home. I feel that DH and I need to treat each of our children (none together) equally for Christmas and birthdays. We have a shared budget, income and debt. We pool our resources. But that does leave me feeling sometimes that my kids get the short end of the stick when it comes to benefiting from our incomes.

What I do to try to even that out is to indulge my kids here and there with things that don't draw attention to it.

Tangible's picture

Submitted by Tangible on Wed, 01/20/2016 - 4:31pm

I would have a big problem spending Christmas Eve at someone's house who didn't gift fairly with the kids. Maybe it's bc mine are little (7,6, and 5) but we host Christmas Eve at our house and invite my side of the family. My little sister thought she was going to come over with several gifts for my bios and nothing for my SS. I had to tell her either she brings the same amount for all my kids or she doesn't come at all. She made a bunch of excuses at first but finally realized I was serious and included my SSs (I have two SSs but one is much older so I wasn't as concerned about him).

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 01/21/2016 - 3:40am

Time for DH to step up and be the one to work multiple jobs, contribute to the household and take care of his own financial poor decisions. A real man would. As for your ILs. They are assholes. To show that level of insensitivity and favoritism in front of children is absolute proof of a vacuum of character and complete confirmation of a lack of basic integrity or quality.

Time to hold their son accountable for manning up and them accountable for their actions. Bare their asses, I would were I you.