He needs to man up and TELL her what his expectation for communication is. What did he THINK was going to happen when he ignored her? In his efforts to avoid a confrontation he made things worse. He needs to tell her NOW (and freaking deal with the fallout) before he makes it worse.

Sounds suspiciously like BM is using daughter's phone to blackmail DH. He should just call his daughter and explain that her mother is being a pest and breaking the text rules that were previously agreed. If daughter is actually upset, tell her "what if one of your friends was texting you 25 times a day? Would you wish you could ignore them?"

1. "Daughter, it sounds like your mom is unable to care for you right now. Please walk over to friend's house across the street or I will send Person B (gramma, whatever) to pick you up."

2. "Daughter, you are a child and it is not a child's job to take care of grownups. Mom needs to take care of YOU not the other way around. See #1"

3. "Ex-wife, I'm getting a new phone. Here is the number. I will check it once a day. If there are more than 4 messages I won't read them at all. They should all be about logistic issues or emergencies." Then have the phone number changed on his real phone. The new number is a tracfone he bought specifically for BM messages only.

Since the BM has now put their daughter in the middle of it (and she may have done that even if your DH had given her fair warning) he needs to have the talk with your SD about the fact that he and BM are divorced, they both love HER, but there is no reason for them to talk unless it's something very important. He is going to need to let BM know the same thing, then continue to ignore her if she keeps on.

Everyday stuff is not an emergency. If there is something SD wants him to know about her day or whatever, she can tell her dad herself. That is the great thing about reaching that age, they can communicate pretty well themselves.

7 Years??? Seriously - he's been dealing with this from his ex for Seven Years and she reacts by crying??? Divorced for Seven years??? I'm at a loss for words... As the the rest of it? I agree with the poster that said to tell DD that this is between DH and the ex.

That's just a special kind of dysfunction on her part.

You respond with "This is an adult thing. This is not your problem honey. This between me and your mother. You leave it to me to handle".

Discussion over.

I went thru a similar experience. When BM found out DH and I was getting married, she started calling 24/7. She was just trying to stir up SHIT, thinking she could break us up. DH and BM had been divorced for 16 years. The youngest of 3 adult children was 21 years old. She was still playing the Golden Uterus. I told my DH to be...you need to text her and tell her to stop or you will file harassment charges. DH to be...OH NO, that will just make it worse. She will stop, if I just keep not answer or do not reply. ME...I do not think so. GUESS WHAT...3 AM...phone ringing and text messages. We had to be up a 6 AM to take his mother to the hospital for a surgery.

I told DH to be....YOU BETTER GET THAT BITCH UNDER CONTROL. Finally, he text her to stop. Then she text back...I only contact you, if it is about the kids and OSS knows this. OMG! WTF! Now, she was trying to cover her crazy ass. We blocked her phone for 3 months. ATT charges $5 a month to block a number. That sucks...it is what it is. We have not heard from her after we drop the block.

This is EXACTLY what happened with us a few years back.

DH repeatedly told SD that it was adult business and he and BM would sort it out. He also asked SD if she thought he was mean, and if she did, why and when. SD had nothing to say, and it was her first lesson in critical thinking.

2nd lesson was when SD called DH crying because they had no money for groceries. BM put her up to it, and DH said, ok- get dressed I'll come get you because we have groceries. It escalated into a huge fight about how DH 'never gave BM money' and we countered with a print up of all transactions to her BM since birth. Over $120 000.00. SD hasn't mentioned money since. Sh was 12 at the time.

The only thing you can do is be age appropriate with the truth. Don't get me wrong- there has been some backsliding out of guilt. It wasn't pretty when i found him responding to BM while we were on vacation.

bm crying tells me that the emotional connection had never been cut after 7 years of divorce. I don't know how you stood it all this time. dh's daughter should be thoroughly used to her parents being apart and living their own lives by now. so, yeah it's going to be a change for his daughter, and it's just something she's going to have to accept. it's called divorce and it sounds as if it's just now happening. if bm wants to use her daughter as a shoulder to cry on, there's nothing you can do about it. it's waaayyyy past time this happened. by the way a simple text to bm stating he will only respond to emergencies/schedule changes can now be sent (as an explanation). no further contact regarding this subject is needed.

My DH just recently put boundaries on BM. I have no idea how many times a day she called or texted because DH didn't tell me. I know that he talked to her, OSD, her, YSD, her- every freaking night at 7 pm. Let me make it clear, I didn't care that he talked to the SDs but he didn't need to listen to BM 3 times each call, EVERY F'ING NIGHT.

I told him I was sick of it. It took 5 years for this man to get it. It took all of 6 months for me to tell my ex, cut the shit out.

DH recently told me that BM isn't contacting him except when it's neccessary. He told me that apparently sometime in the last year he told her "what happens at my house, I will take care of at my house, it's non of your damn business".

This woman use to tell DH, tell SM to buy xyz for the kids to eat. F You BM. I buy what I want, I pay- My decision. BM use to text everytime after he dropped the kids off with nonsense. One time it was YSD didn't get her OWN cake how much of the cake did my kids eat. Mind you my daughter's birthday was that weekend too, and I made the damn cake, bought the cake stuff, so F off BM. Which is what I told DH to tell her or have her call me and I would tell her.

He needs to tell her "stop contacting me unless it is xyz", make a damn list if neccessary. Then put her ass on ignore, tell SD that BM can contact DH directly and if your mom is saying i'm being mean because she says I won't talk to her, that's between her and I---NOT you.

He then needs to put BM on notice that she is PASing the kid and he will keep any communication such as the one SD sent to prove she is involving the kid(s) and then he'll be headed back to court and the judge will not like it.

I think he should tell his daughter that this is an issue between adults. Her job is to be a kid and not to worry about adult things.

Then he needs to set things straight with BM.

Oh don't you love when men fuck up the execution of our advice? ...I bet his next move is to tell you that it didn't work and that things were better before and now he feels caught in the middle.

Please.

SO tried to pull this crap on me when he poorly executed a BM boundary erection, then he tried to blame me for HIS gargantuan fuckup. NO. I wouldn't take it.

4ever, your man handled this poorly. He's handled it poorly for YEARS obviously. Please tell him to READ what people wrote on both threads and heed the advice... it's obvious he has no clue what he's doing. And you're bound to get tired of saving his ass when he suffers for not putting both BM and his whiny kid in their places! You should not have to deal with the strain of these two bitches in your life. Make him handle that, and if he can't, find another penis for yourself to handle.

Well..! I'm with all the posters on here who are letting you know that your DH needs to put BM in her place..stat!! and.. he needs to make it clear to SD that this is NOT her issue/problem to deal with. She is a child and has absolutely nothing to do with adult maters.

When SD was 13 and used to visit - she would defend BM to the death - even if it meant BM could control our weekends. It drove us mental with frustration. SO finally put his foot down, after counselling and sent BM an email. He told her exactly what most posters are saying here.. that she only contacts him via email and can text/call if it was an emergency..that was it. Naturally, BM went psycho - but SO stuck to his guns..and almost a year later.. all the shit stopped.

SD however, has decided that SO is a selfish asshole who is a dick for wanting to live his own life. She, along with BM's support, has decided to punish him by refusing to have anything to do with him now. It sucks but it is what it is.

A divorce means exactly that. Two people no longer share one life. Being a COD does not make you special or a victim in any way. SD just has to learn to be a child and leave the adults to deal with the adult shit... I mean issues.