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DH is hurt because his lovely DDs ignored his birthday

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Submitted by 20YearsAsAStep-Mom on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 10:50am

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Adult Stepchildren

So DH had his birthday last week and neither of his lovely daughters bothered to call. He is moping around and mentioned that he hasn't heard from them.

DH is terrible about remembering their birthdays and the gkids birthdays - I used to do that before I disengaged. Now they also are lucky if he remembers within the week.

They are all rolling around in a big pile of dysfunctional poo. LOL. I just ignore the comments and say oh, and what should we have for dinner or something like that.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Submitted by 20YearsAsAStep-Mom on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 10:52am

P.S. I wanted to add I think they are doing it on purpose as payback for him forgetting the gkids birthdays recently. OH well not my problem.

hatesteplife's picture

Submitted by hatesteplife on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 2:33pm

My skids never remember DH's birthday. He makes ready excuses for them rather than face up that they're self centered pieces of crap. I don't put up with the moping around...I'll leave rather than listen to it.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 3:45pm

Good for you!!! Blum 3

We are estranged from both adult skids, but even prior to going no contact they rarely observed DH's birthday or Fathers Day. Each year we would turn the other cheek and continue to send cards and present$ for birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas; each year DH would be moody and irritable on his special days. Finally, I disengaged completely, and it didn't take long for DH to give up the ghost and join me. I wish I had done it a decade earlier.

IMO, you're doing the right thing by not engaging with him on the issue. Your DH needs to FEEL the pain & hurt & isolation, and suffer a bit. He'll either make changes, or he won't. Either path, you're out of the equation and can't be used as a shield or scapegoat.

peacemaker's picture

Submitted by peacemaker on Wed, 02/25/2015 - 11:38pm

....it's the merry go round to now here...you cannot make people do things they choose not to do...He is feeling sorry for himself...Don't feed it...

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sat, 02/21/2015 - 11:21pm

I used to do the same thing - remind DH of SD's Birthdays, purchase Christmas presents, etc. But she rarely reciprocated to either DH or me. It's kind of nice to know I don't have to do it anymore. After disengagement 4 years ago, SD was angry. DH pouted on Father's Day and I really couldn't understand this as SD had never acknowledged it before. Now it doesn't seem to bother him.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 02/23/2015 - 3:47pm

My SD23 would never call her dad on his birthday or Father's Day when she was younger. In recent years, she has started to but if she doesn't, it doesn't bother him, he's used to it.

My DH is lucky if he can remember the gkids' names, much less birthdays. He's a little better now but for a long time, they were "the older one" and "the younger one". I think he now knows what the names are but he forgets which name goes with which kid.

It's sad and hilarious at the same time.