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Is it wrong that In don't want to babysit my soon to be step daughter?

kdjd2015's picture

Submitted by kdjd2015 on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 6:43pm

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Hi I am new here and new to the stepmother role. Long story short I have am getting married soon and my finance has a daughter age 4. His Ex and him are unable to find a babysitter for their daughter on Monday afternoons from 12:30 to 4:30.
I typically have Monday off from my job. My other day off is typically during the week when he is off and we have her.
Anyway... is it wrong that I do not want to babysit her every monday on my day off?
Thanks!

Silent River's picture

Submitted by Silent River on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 7:05pm

Not wrong at all. Bio parents should be accountable for their children regardless of marital status.

SMilf's picture

Submitted by SMilf on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 7:07pm

Trust me, it is much easier to say no now than to wait til you feel resentful and then back out. I speak from experience... No matter how much you enjoy or even love your skids, taking responsibility for them always breeds resentment later on. Especially if, like me, you are a child free step.

SMilf's picture

Submitted by SMilf on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 7:07pm

Trust me, it is much easier to say no now than to wait til you feel resentful and then back out. I speak from experience... No matter how much you enjoy or even love your skids, taking responsibility for them always breeds resentment later on. Especially if, like me, you are a child free step.

nodiggity's picture

Submitted by nodiggity on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 7:22pm

I wish I would've said No. SS6 goes to school during the day, SS5 is not yet in school. When summer ended and DH's neices and nephews were no longer able to baby sit,that left me. I have a part time evening job from 6 to 10pm, & I felt obligated since DH works mostly from 7am to 4pm & I am usually free (BM isn't in the picture at this time.) Now I am strapped to the house essentially becoming an instant stay at home mom....this isn't exactly what I pictured myself doing at 24...with no bio kids, yet, I try to stay as positive as I can about it, but honestly I wish there was another way.

I would say be honest about not wanting to baby sit her, especially if it's your day off.

kdjd2015's picture

Submitted by kdjd2015 on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 8:35pm

Thanks all - i don't mind helping on occasion and that is how it started. I will most likely be the one to pay for childcare. Both are saying they can not afford it. Prior to me they paid a friend 20 bucks a week. But the friend had an accident and is unable to watch. That was 4 months ago.
I care for her and like time with her, but yes resentment is starting and we aren't even married yet. I don't want this to be the ruin of my future marriage.
Being a step parent is HARD! Any suggestions on reading materials or advice?
K-

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Wed, 02/04/2015 - 9:00pm

As the others stated, it's okay to say no. If that is your day off, then you should spend it doing what you need to do.

If you're new to this gig, then it's important that you sit your fiance down and outline some things before you're married. Marriage will change how he does things and a lot of men tend to assume we SM's want to take care of their kids. Putting us in the foreground with all of the responsibility and none of the authority.

Make sure your fiance understands his responsibilities will not change after marriage and that he and the BM are fully responsible for your SD. Not you. Not your money. Not your time.

Sootica's picture

Submitted by Sootica on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 2:44am

1000% NO,don't do it because the parents are responsible for childcare arrangements.You might think that you are being kind & helpful but eventually when you need that Monday to take care of your adult stuff you will be the vilified bad evil step mum who is not a doormat at DH & BM's back and call.Easier to stop it now before it's too late.

Mikhaila87's picture

Submitted by Mikhaila87 on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 4:31am

If it was me in my situation. I'd offer every other Monday. I don't have a bad relationship with the skids and my partner fully supports how involved or not involved I want to be, usually it is involved as we are a family. It is upto you, most people on here will say don't. But I don't see the harm in every other Monday. You get your time and also you get quality time with the skid.