Bio daughter and SD both 17 , but different rules apply
I came into relationship with husband with my BD at age 1. He had 6mo D from a relationship (bad one) and two sons from former marriage. We married and had one more together. We spent first 14 years battling with SD mom who was found guilty of parental alienation. We hardly knew her when she came to live with us at 14. I helped raise his two boys who are now grown men. I was never their disciplinarian but their mentor. We have great relationships and we love each other . Our SD came,with a ton of false beliefs, bad habits and overall rebellious nature. Since she came her BM has vanished. So it's all us. She has been truant, shoplifts,promiscuous, caught with pot, alcohol and cocaine.m she has an explosive temper and is manipulative but she is somewhat following a course to graduate and her issues and now not as frequent. He sister, my BD is quite the opposite but now after 3 years they seem to get into similar problems. Keeping curfew or what may. But the issue is now my husband will not talk to me about my SD. He is afraid to discipline her and is very passive yet super strict and hard on his SD . The level of unfairness is crazy. I just want to know what is going on and he won't talk. It's caused me sit of pain because he knows what a good sort of hands off step mom I was and I just want us to be united front. He tells me she is none of my business but I think it is because he doesn't want me to point out obvious. She needs him to care enough to give her boundaries but he won't. So my BD will be grounded for 2weeks and her sister caught doing the same but worse, will get lesser if any.
His inabity to stand his ground and bd her dad has made me lose respect and attraction to him. It's just a mess. I don't know what to do. We went to counseling and they said you've got to be a United front but he doesn't listen.
I'm headed for a divorce
You can't beat reason into a
You can't beat reason into a stupid person and your DH fits the definition. Do not lower the standards for your BD. Raise the standards for SD to match those you have set for your BD.
If DH can't figure it out ... yep, you may be heading for a split.
Good luck.
No one mistreats my kids. NO
No one mistreats my kids. NO ONE. Total deal breaker. How is he "super strict" with your DD? I would intervene and tell him to pound sand. Warning: my mother allowed my SF to be abusive to me, she and I have never been the same. And I'm 50.
My bios are older than my
My bios are older than my step...BD is 23, BS is 20, SD is 15. They were 9, 5, and 1 when my relationship with DH started. I didn't see how bad the "double-standard" was until SD moved in with us at age 13 (she just moved out again, because she couldn't take the heat when DH FINALLY started punishing her for her actions). Before BS20 left for college, he would comment all the time about how SD15 get away with so much more than he or his sister would. Of course, I was the primary rule enforcer with my bios, even though DH adopted them both. SD I'm never allowed to have say in her discipline.
Example of the difference in disciplines...
BD23 was caught sneaking out at age 16. She lost her bedroom door (was told to change clothes in her bathroom or closet), lost her phone, and lost her computer. She was not allowed any treats like soda or sweets, and she was not allowed to watch TV or play video games. And don't even bother to ask to go anywhere with friends! SD15 got caught sneaking out and smoking pot at age 13. What did she get? A TALK! That's it! A stupid talk! At 15, the girl has now had 2 run-ins with the cops...both within the last month and one that resulted in property damage; she has had more trouble with pot and with alcohol. She lies about everything, and by everything, I do mean everything!! Tell her to pick up trash from something she was seen eating about an hour earlier, and the first words that flow out of her mouth are "That's not mine!" BD23 is a hard working, self-sufficient woman working two jobs, and has never been in serious trouble! At this point, I'm thinking the world would be lucky if SD15 graduates high school!