How do I change the way I feel about SD
I honestly don't know where to begin. I have so many issues with Blended life between and so many things have left a bad taste in my mouth. So many issues to many to list. Right now my main issue is how to stop feeling the way I do about SD. I just don't want to be around her nor do I want her around our BD 2. I know it sounds awful but there are so many things that have happened to lead me to feel this way mainly my SO's fault. I just get irritated by the sound of her voice, the constant repeating of everything from saying hi to BD about 30 times in a 5 min span to the I love you daddy in a baby voice every 2 mins being around her drives me crazy. Basically, I want to stop feeling this way... But how, is it possible to make these feelings go away and how do I go about it... Help, I don't want to be the evil stepmother.
SD is 10, I have posted
SD is 10, I have posted before. Main problem is SO puts SD on a pedestal. Nobody is better than SD in his eyes. He has literally said she is perfect. The issue is she is not perfect, she annoys him too but only he is allowed to get annoyed, I can not get annoyed by the golden child. I do realize that my feelings stem from the way SO acts. It drives me crazy that he does this, not only that but all the parenting duties for BD fall on me, he lives his life as if she doesn't exist except when he feels like he wants to take a few minutes to play with her. He makes no time for me or BD but always makes plenty of time to do special things with SD. He also sees none of this to be true. Then there is SD's attention seeking and mini wife syndrome that I dare not say anything about because it will land me no where safely. Not only do those things bother me, I have also noticed she feels no remorse for things, she shrugs it off like whatever again I dare not say a word about this but I honestly have never seen one true emotion from SD except for jealousy. I have noticed that she almost seems to copy the emotion of certain people when they are upset about something but it is so clear that she's not feeling anything because a minute later she's dancing around singing like nothing ever happened. Then the behavior around BD that drive me crazy are things I've posted before no one can pay attention to BD ever with out her needing to interject. Now mind you SD gets plenty of attention from everyone but she can not let BD get one moment of attention for herself ever! I also feel she tries to be the parent instead of the sibling if I'm telling BD no she has to jump in and repeat what ever it is I am trying to stop. If SD is playing with BD it always is don't do that don't go there do it this way even though BD is doing nothing wrong or unsafe. SD doesn't let BD play with her toys the way she wants to she takes them away and says no like this, BD is 2 I think she should be able to play how ever she would like as long as it's safe. I also don't like that SD tries to do whatever she can to keep BD from coming to me when she wants to by trying to distract her or get in her way or literally forcibly trying to keep her on her lap not letting her get up when she's clearly trying to, a lot of times BD will fall trying to get up because she is struggling to get away when SD won't let her. I have tried to curb these things with SD by saying let her get up if she wants to get up or let her play the way she would like to. The problem is it doesn't change anything because she stops at the moment but is back at it at the next opportunity. So all these things make me feel this way. Can't say anything to SO because of the way he is about SD and it seems like I'm picking on her. I just don't know how to make myself feel differently sometimes I wonder if all these things only because she's not mine and if it were my own child behaving that way if it wouldn't bother me or I wouldn't notice it like SO.
Also I have tried so many
Also I have tried so many suggestions nothing has changed. I just would like to know is there a way to not let it bother me or does anyone have any coping suggestions so I don't want to rip my hair out. I try to keep busy when SD is around but there are times when that's not possible. It's just getting to the point where I just would love to scream at SD what's wrong with you, but of course I would never do that... Although I imagine it would feel great lol
That reminds me of My SD12.
That reminds me of My SD12. She seems to copy other people's emotions. She's very fake. Her only genuine emotions are jealousy, anger, defiance, self pity. I never could describe, but it's just a vibe of fakeness. SD has no actual personality, just meanness and manipulative ness and attention seeking holding it all together. My H puts SD on a pedestal, above everyone else. Well one day he slipped up and admitted that SD was "screwed up" . I would guess your H knows deep down what his daughter really is.
I feel the same way but I can
I feel the same way but I can not stop resenting skids for all they have done. I can barely stand to look at them some days. I just try to make plans to be gone when they are here.
I also do not want my BD around my skids because I don't want them to influence the way she turns out. I plan all of her play dates out of the home and on skid weekends. We basically are there to sleep when they are around.
I have tried to get back to liking them again but I can't. I don't like the people that they are and we are nothing in common. I love my DH very much so I am just waiting it out until they are out of the house.
Honestly I just can't put one more ounce of effort into a relationship with those horrible kids. Disengaged.
It's very hard not to build
It's very hard not to build resentment against skids when they are treated like princes/princesses by their daddy at the expense of others. I tried to keep my emotions in the right place for a long time. I realized that SS was very annoying...he constantly screams and is just generally very rude. I tried to separate those annoying things, and remind myself that all kids can be annoying at times. I realized 95% of my emotions about SS were coming from how DH handled the situation and his lack of parenting. After so long of trying, and being the only one of the three of us trying, I just gave that up. When my DH gets his balls back and tries to parent SS a little more, that is when I will attempt to have a relationship with SS again. It will probably be too late by then, too much damage and the kid isn't getting any younger (thank God).
Don't know if this helps, but
Don't know if this helps, but my SD is 14 and I have not been able to stand being in the same room with her now for a few years. It's not even her fault it's her dads and her meddling MIL but none the less her very presence irritates me beyond belief.
I can't stand sd8 either. She
I can't stand sd8 either. She is treated like royalty by dh,who has assisted in turning her into a manipulative,sulking,whiny,demanding,overindulged high maintenance brat. It is sad really. She does the baby voice and is constantly calling "daaaaadddddyyy". She annoys the ever loving crap out of me most of the time.
My sanity savers are being very busy when she is here,saving chores and errands to go do during her visits,staying late at work ,anything to reduce exposure to her.
I realize there are times I have to be around the brat. I try to remind myself that she is only 8,has a crappy bm,and a disney dad. I try to have some empathy for her.
Dh wants me to "be more involved "with sd8,but that is a big oh HELL NO!! Dh is in for one hell of a shit show as sd enters her teen years. I won't take any credit for that!
Here is what works for
Here is what works for me....I began to disengage completely on skid weekends. Keep myself very busy out of the house. Made sure I was just there to sleep, literally. Now my own kids are older and out of the house so this is not hard for me to do. Nothing I ever said to FDH made a difference, just made him angry and defensive. No one wants to hear the truth about their own children, we don't want to see their flaws. FDH was not at all happy with me disengaging. Frankly he doesn't like to be by himself with the skids, but will never admit to that. So when he started to complain about me not being home, I told him I love him dearly but my time on this earth is too valuable to spend with rude, badly behaved kids. Of course he was annoyed so I continued with my busy weekends. It is working slowly. He actually sat down with skids and talked about having respect for me, good attitudes etc. This weekend youngest skid actually said Good Morning to me and asked me if I had slept well :jawdrop:
Your life and your time ARE valuable and you owe it to yourself and your little girl to be happy. As long as you continue to tolerate this stuff your hubby won't change anything.