step kids suck!

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My step kids are awful. I mean it's like out of a bad tv movie.... the following issues are my biggest

Lying-
They lie about everything!!! I mean the simplest thing to what they had at school for lunch to the big things. We tell them if we find out your lying their will be punishment. we then find out they lie and then punish and they get mad at me.

BM issues-
They both believe their mother is the greatest person in the world.This woman has lied to them several times about trips they are "going" on then they never go, about their xmas presents being lost in the mail... I mena you name it she has lied about it. And both children especially the boy will get in fights with me and their father about when she has said. It's like they believe she is the end all be all of everythign and gets to make all the decisions.... it's so crazy

My husband (Birth father) would rather be their friend-
I've never had children but I know you should be a parent first before their friend and I have to keep explaining this to my 33 yr old husband... why????

They do badly is school-
They could both care less about school.. The boy will pull his grades up just enough to play sports but it's always a fight and a last minute thing. The girl is just plain lazy and says she doesn't feel like doing it?? How can I make them realize school is the most important thing in the world??

Of course they feel that way

Of course they feel that way about the BM, she's their mother. Even if she lies to them about certain things, she will always be the be all end all. You can't expect that to change. And for school work, that isn't your job to teach them how important it is, it isn't your job to teach them anything. They're not your kids, so don't worry about it. If your DH and their BM can't reach them what makes you think you could?
I didn't mean that as bitchy as it sounds. Just relax, and when your skids are there let your DH worry about their lies, school, and what ever else comes up.

My skid used to lie

My skid used to lie instinctively. Not consciously in most cases though. Any direct questions was immediately answered with "Yes" often even before the question was completed. "Kid did you xyzlmnop? - within a millisecond ... Yes!" When confronted about it and found out he would fight a losing battle to defend his lie until he dug himself so deep he was in a shit storm of trouble. I finely quit asking him any questions at all and demanded an action from him. Rather than "Did you do your homework tonight" I would say "Show me your homework." He lied not necessarily because he was trying to hide something but because he immediately told people what he thought they wanted to hear true of not. He would like his ass off to keep from disappointing someone even if the lie would be more disappointing to them than just telling the truth. I got so sick of always being up his ass for lying that I just quit giving him the opportunity to lie. Show me don't tell me works great with an habitual liar.

I've had this issue and used

I've had this issue and used your trick and it DOES work like a charm.

I think it's more common with skids that they want everyone to be happy than they're just little lying jerks, especially when one (or sometimes both) of their parents let them know all about the drama, the discord between them and try making the kids pick sides. So they just try to tell you what they think you want to hear to make you happy...then they realize they are in a corner and just keep digging because, in a kid's mind, they can cover it if they make up a good enough story and then nobody will know and everyone will be happy.

My huge issue was hand washing. I ALWAYS got a "yes!" when I asked if they were washed. So I started popping into the bath to check and the sink would be bone dry, towel still folded neatly on the rack, clearly no hand washing had happened. I changed it to "Go wash your hands" and it would get done. Hell, I am sometimes shocked now when I say, "Go wash your hands" and I get "just did it" as a reply. (And, yes, I've checked the sink and it's a disaster and the towel is dumped on the floor...so the hands did get washed at least.)

I just smell their hand to

I just smell their hand to see if they smell like the soap.

"My husband (Birth father)

"My husband (Birth father) would rather be their friend-"

That? That right there? That is your problem. Not your skids, not the BM. Your H.

You are fighting a losing battle with your H as you are trying to teach him to parent. And since you don't have kids of your own, he is NOT going to take your advice.

I'm not picking on you. I have no bios. Though you and I have a unique perspective of observer and can plainly see where the trouble lies, we get blown off because we "don't have kids."

My advice to you is disengage. You cannot change the way your husband parents his kids. He has to want to change it himself.

So step back and let him parent his way. Remove yourself from the stress and be supportive of your husband when he wakes up and is pulling out his hair.

But Shaman, when I see their

But Shaman, when I see their BD doing nothing I get turned off and develop an underlying anger that builds. I've talked to him about disciplining and he totally agrees, but doesn't follow through as much as he should. Should I tell him I'm getting turned off by his lack of a spine?

Of course they feel that way

My skid used to lie

I've had this issue and used

I just smell their hand to

"My husband (Birth father)

But Shaman, when I see their

Yes you should tell him

Thanks Rags and Echo. I need

Disengage

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step kids suck!