Anyone have experience with court?
As the days get closer to trial, I find my anxiety is greatly increasing. I am scared shitless of BM. Our lawyer told us she'll be in the room when I testify. I talked to DH about it. If she comes anywhere near me, if I hear her ringtone or texting bell, even an email from our lawyer with information from her makes my heart rate shoot up, and I start panicking. I feel my stomach turn over and I start to lose my breath. My doctor put me on anti-anxieties, which seem to help. I don't usually take them, but this past month, I've definitely needed them more.
DH told me I know exactly why I'm afraid of her. Because she's come into my home, hit me, screamed at me and attacked me in front of my children. She has alienated my step-boys from me, and she will listen to everything I say, misinterpret most of it, and most likely pull out her attack dogs again when all is said and done. It's frightening.
My question is this. What can I expect when I am questioned? Does anyone have experience with this, or advice that I might make it through without panicking?
Thanks.
I can assure you she will sit
I can assure you she will sit there quite meekly. Everyone has seen those gorilla bailiffs put down Bubba when they act up in court. She won't do or say a thing inside the court room. If she approaches you outside just run for the nearest uniform and tell them to keep her away.
While on the stand you will be most nervous because this is where you've seen all those trick attorneys on TV make babbling idiots out of witnesses. That is not allowed in family court. You are just a witness, not a murderer, the judge won't allow it. If you have reason to think you're being bullied by her attorney ask the judge if s/he can stop them.
Remember "I don't remember" and "I didn't understand the question" are valid responses. You simply tell the truth as you saw or heard it happen. Look and talk at your husband or his attorney. You do not have to look at anyone else and nobody will tell you to do so. Take your time, think. Think again. You are in charge of the whole court room when pondering a question. When describing what happened close your eyes. Run the while sequence through your memory and describe it as it happened.
Do this for practice at home but DO NOT do it the day of the hearing. No practice that day, save it for the courtroom. After its over you'll proabably think of something you wish you had said or said differently. Don't let it worry you. It's in someone elses hands now.
Every last judge, attorney, recorder and clerk has seen nervous witnesses, nothing new here, so don't think you're the first and only one and they'll be laughing over lunch together because of you. Doesn't happen that way.
Be careful you don't take too many of those pills, you don't want to start drooling while sitting as a witness.
When I testified, BM would
When I testified, BM would comment during it and called me a liar. The judge never said a word. I know when she called me a liar I snapped back "I am not" and then said sorry for my outburst. Other than that I just told what I could remember as I remembered it. The attorneys recommend you only respond yes or no or small sentences. I did not do that either. I answered in detail especially when it came to when BM came into my house and attacked me.
Thank you so much for this. I
Thank you so much for this. I have been practicing with DH, and we're prepped for tomorrow. I'm just picking out what to wear, and taking it easy for the night. Just now trying to figure out how I'm going to get enough sleep tonight. We have no idea if this is going to last an hour, a few hours or all day. Her lawyer is going to need more time to review all the information we sent him.
The really infuriating part? She's now acting EXACTLY how she's supposed to have been acting. However, this is after 4 years and well over $20K of her bullshit. And there's no way to tell she'll continue behaving herself no matter what the outcome, so we're still going for broke, and hopefully we can keep our trust in the system to choose the best possible outcome for everyone.
I think Orange County summed
I think Orange County summed it up perfectly! Follow his advice and I am sure you will do well...good luck!
Yeah. Our family therapist
Yeah. Our family therapist thinks she suffers Borderline Personality Disorder. Her emotions totally control her actions, and she loses all sense of logic and rationale when they take over. She forced her way into our house, started screaming "I am charged by God as their mother" over and over again, while I had three of our kids in the basement, aged 8, 5 and 5, with my 2 year old sitting at the kitchen table witnessing the whole thing, crying. My two-year old is now six, and has just stopped asking about why BM is so angry last year.
Talk about traumatized. The police were no help. When they got to the scene, she pulled out her pity party, and told them DH pushed her into the wall, and I scratched her. So here we are, 4 years later, boys not doing well, her pulling crap every step of the way, until this past year....and she decides to take DH for full custody because he's bringing them to the court appointed therapist (the same one the thinks BM has BPD), and BM wants nothing to do with it, so she's suing him for excluding her, when she's really excluded herself!
Now she's trying to act civil. Argh. How many more thousands of dollars will we have to pay if we keep giving her chances? This has been ridiculous, expensive and emotionally traumatic for everyone involved. I just wish it was over.
agree with what OCC says
agree with what OCC says here. judges are very experienced in family court situations.
Unless she is going to court
Unless she is going to court pro se she will not speak to you. Your attorney will ask you questions, then her attorney may or may not ask you questions.
BM will likely not say a word. The judge should keep her fairly well under control.
Rarely is court as bad as we build it up to be.
Thanks Rags and aswang. I'm
Thanks Rags and aswang. I'm feeling much better about it now. I feel really in the dark about all of this. I don't know if I'll be testifying, or even allowed in the court room until I do. So, I'll just show up with my little tablet and plan to wait around, all day if need be.
Ugh....
Ask your attorney these
Ask your attorney these questions. That is part of what you pay them for.
Will you be allowed in court? Maybe, if neither BMs attorney nor yours moves to exclude witnesses then you may be able to remain in the courtroom.
In our case the Sperm Idiot's lawyer always motioned to exclude witnesses so Sperm Grandma could have the wool kept over her eyes regarding her worthless POS son and his single pecker quest to populate the Pac NW with every available and seemingly willing underage girl within reach. In the court where our hearings usually occurred there were two witness rooms across the hall from each other immediately before the courtroom doors. One for one parties witnesses, and one for the other parties witnesses. I spent many hours hanging out in the witness room while my bride and our attorney shredded the Sperm Idiot’s ignorant ass with the material she and I compiled together.
Either way it makes little difference in court outcome IMHO. If you really want to know what happens in court if you are excluded then listen to the recordings of the hearing that your DH will get from his attorney. All he has to do is ask for them.
Good luck.
Thanks. Court will be
Thanks. Court will be postponed. DH will be sure to ask for recordings for me
I'll keep you posted as to how things go.
Some courts use audio
Some courts use audio recordings and some use court reporters. Either way you should be able to get copies. Enjoy the listening or reading as the case may be.