The punching bag?

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I got a phone call tonight form the biological mother. I had just gotten home from work, my husband was at work and the boy had been dropped off here by his grandfather. I got screamed at, yelled at and blamed for what my husband was doing. I had no idea what had happened but yet i'm not sure why i am surprised. This is nothing new, i have been blamed for everything he has done since day one he left his childs mother. Tonight is an exception because this time it doesn't involve my step son but his cousin.
I don't even know where to begin. i'm so frustrated and confused and have done nothing but be here and support this 10 year old boy since day one his father and i got together, but have been treated like a home wrecker and incompetent, and a non human by not only the childs mother and her family but also by my husbands family. I feel like i'm the one they all blame, the one they all look at like the reason the childs parents aren't together...and its just not the case, my husband is the reason because he made the decision to leave his ex.
I dont even know what to write i just need to just get things out there with some kind of start. My best friend is my Mother and when ever i bring it up with her she thinks i'm dwlling, but after 5 years it is no longer a phase or just something htey need for an excuse its personal.
I love this boy more than anything, but i'm so afraid that if things continue they way they have with his family and his ex that it might not last, because he has now started using me as a so called punching bag, when the ex gets mad at him he is yelling at me, when she yells at me for something he has said and i try to explain he gets mad with me. I am getting it from all sides...WE have been only married since July and i'm afraid if this continues it might not make it till July this year...i'm getting ready to throw in the towel, i odnj't know what to do.

Why are you answering BM's

Why are you answering BM's calls? disengage. If Bm can't respect you, she can't speak to you. There is no need for BM to talk to you at all. It will solve a lot of your problems.

I agree. Stop communicating

I agree. Stop communicating with BM. In fact, stop giving unsolicited input about your SS to your DH. Their kid, their issues. Support your DH, but remain neutral about your SS. Phrases you need to add to your repertoire are "I don't know." and "Up to you." Unless something impacts you, your bios (if you have any) or your household, stay out of it. This doesn't mean you don't love your SS, it means that you love Yourself enough to not allow yourself to be dragged into the drama.

Below is a link on

Below is a link on disengaging from step-children. Disengaging from adults is more basic. You avoid them! If they call you tell them you'll tell husband they called and hang up. Do not engage in any conversation at all and if they call back you hang up without comment.

If its someone that hasn't treated you that badly then be more polite and find an excuse to leave quickly - I'm late for the dentist. They'll feel sorry for you. lol

But really the home life you're living seems not worth it. You didn't mention your own children nor financial problems keeping you from going. I'd be tempted to cut my losses and go. Perhaps a serious sit down talk with your husband about how all this has pushed you to the point of leaving will change things enough but frankly I think it'll just postpone the inevitable.

http://steptogether.org/help.html

I feel like I'm the one they

I feel like I'm the one they all blame, the one they all look at like I'm the reason the childs parents aren't together...and it's just not the case, my husband is the reason because he made the decision to leave his ex

I'm guessing here that your DH and you became involved in a relationship prior to he DH announcing his departure from his marriage to the BM??! If so, a woman scorned can be mighty difficult to deal with. And if this is the case, she might feel doubly scorned if you recuse yourself from blame in what the BM sees as you and your DH both having an active role in why her (BMs) marriage failed.

Take the advice you've been given, remove yourself from the BMs radar. Stop allowing contact, disengage. The BM may want to make you as miserable as she feels you made her. And the BM will likely deny having an active role in hurting you, if she perceives you feel you didn't have an active role in hurting her.

Nice guys finish last, but I

Nice guys finish last, but I would be a little miffed as both a child and an ex if my DH went with his mistress. Think about it.
*Not my monkeys
Not my circus*

No judgement. And no

No judgement. And no accusations. I was wondering (based on what the OP wrote) what the full back story was and to take that into consideration when dealing with the BM now.

My exH cheated on me and broke my heart. But I knew carrying a grudge would only hurt me. If the OP was the mistress (not saying she was), own it. And if the BM was scorned, she might feel happier if she found a way to stop punishing the OP/DH.

Of course BM's tell the kids

Of course BM's tell the kids the new woman is the problem. 3 yrs after their divorce I met mine and that is her tag line. Don't know if she is or isn't the mistress. If yes, then own it. If any man needs a mistress as an excuse to leave, she is getting a weak one. Just sayin' move in on another's man, you and the man are getting karma. I'm getting my karma, but for some other reason I guess.
*Not my monkeys
not my circus*

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