I have been with my DH for 8 years, married for 5. The ex-wife was completely out of the picture with drug problems and in and out of rehab. She moved away up state so her father could take care of her and get her on her feet. As a result, DH had to raised two kids on his own. Of course was tough on older SS (who I love dearly as my own)but completely spoiled SD. He revolved everything around her and she treated him like crap and he just took it.

At first I had stars in my eyes. DH would always talk about his little princess and how perfect she was, so me being young and naive went with it. As we started to get more serious, I started to see that in fact she was the most entitled, mean spirited, manipulative, selfish, evil, spoiled brat I had ever met. At 7 she would treat her nannies like garbage and they would quite all the time. She would yell at her father all the time and he wouldn't do a thing, just wanted to make her happy. When we got engaged he promised me that he would fix things and he would lay down the law with her, but of course SD always found a way to get out of any consequence or any kind of trouble. DH never enforced anything and she wasn't afraid.

We married and lived together when SD was 11. By that time she was getting into drinking, drugs, online bullying and underage pornography with older boys/men. She was getting suspended, failing grades, giving and receiving oral sex at school and at parties. She was tearing my marriage apart and all we ever did was fight about her. I was about to loose my mind, but out of no where, the mother resurfaced and agreed to take her and live up state. By that time, she had a new baby with another man. DH and I took her offer and sent SD to live with her. Even though she flew in once a month to visit, it still was a godsend. I still handled all the financial and academic and basic needs, but it was better than nothing.

However, it wasn't soon after that the mother and her boyfriend were having the same problems with my SD. Her mother would call me crying about what a monster she was and how she can't even leave her alone with her new baby for fear that she will abuse her. She was teaching the new baby bad manners and swear words on top of it. Grades never changed and she's transferred schools 3 times, blaming the teachers for her bad grades. This went on for 3 years. In the summer she came to visit us for a month and against my wishes my DH let her do whatever she wanted and let her hang out with her same trashy friends. One night she faked a sleep over to go to over to some 18yr olds house to have sex (she was 14). At that point my DH told her she was not the girl he thought he new and said she was no longer allowed to call our house her home and that she would be cut off at 18. At that point I was able to get DH to cut off communication with her. We stopped the visits.

Finally when her 16th birthday came up, she talked her mother into throwing her a sweet 16 party. I told her mother what a terrible idea it was and of course again I was ignored. Later I get a call from her frantic mother. She said that SD just attacked her and called the police on her. SD had asked her mother to supply booze and drugs for the party. When her mother refused they got into an argument which escalated to both getting physical. Not long after her mother and mothers boyfriend threw her out of the house. She is now living with her grandfather (moms side) who is also an enabler. Mother refuses to speak to her.

I of course have to hear about all this while my DH is being treated for cancer. Luckily we caught it early and he is going to recover, but it was so hard for us. SD couldn't care less and continued to get bad grades and go on with her behavior. I forbade DH to speak to her to send a message that her father isn't going to take her behavior and that she needed to change before they can resume a relationship again.

As for me now that DH is cancer free, we decided it was time to plan having a baby. I've waited so long and have been so patient and supportive through all the hardships we've been through I was looking forward to this amazing new chapter. Sadly my husband dropped this bomb on me that he wants my SD to come back and live with us when she finished high school. He feels that he hasn't been there to guide her, misses her and has guilt. He said my plan to ignore her has failed and she isn't getting any better. When I heard that, I broke down into tears that he would do this to me. I wanted to raise a child in a calming and happy enviroment, free of negative influence and now I have to go back to the nightmare. I begged him to just allow me this one thing and he called me "selfish" and told me that I'm not even giving my SD a chance and writing her off as a bad kid. He said it would be different this time and he wouldn't let her slack off (yeah I've heard that one before). Honestly, she would be an adult at that time so we have little power over her. It's not like we can send her to her room and ground her.

I'm honestly hitting a wall. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like my life for the passed 8 years has been a complete failure. I should have ran the other way when I met him. My life would be so different if I did. Now I am 37 with no child of my own. I feel like my time to be a mother is running out. I can't bring a baby into this life. I wish I could leave and start over, but do I even have the time? Sometimes I fantasize about killing myself because I feel that I've messed up so bad.