You are here

My heart literally aches

sbm014's picture

So, a little back face last time DH was gone I posted about SS crying and saying that I told him I was happy when he was sad and using this as a way to not go to school as he was scared I would show up and be mean - I have only showed up to take him lunch which was always a very joyful time. When DH returned it was mentioned and I told him that even though I felt like his fear was irrational to make him feel better I would no longer be taking him lunch (something I was planning on anyways)

Also last time DH was gone this is something I didn't post about but his sister and I got into a fight of her attacking me because I said DH's eldest brother wasn't "king kid" and should have to help with something at Thanksgiving it was all a big joke even the eldest brother text me saying it was absurd. Mind you DH is the middle child and there has always been tension between him and his sister as he was not dad's favorite and she used to purposely blame stuff on him to get him in trouble and will say he is nothing but negative yet last time her truck was not working DH fixed it essentially for free she simply just had to buy the part. I simply defended myself and we moved on and she did not attend Thanksgiving as she had to work. This was perfectly fine with me however Christmas rolled around and I told MIL I would stop at her house on my way out to see my family as MIL and I are close - surprise DH's sister is there and actually very nice to me and I was cordial back no problem. I was actually very surprised.

Well I enjoyed a drama free Christmas and did tell DH to tell SS I sent my well wishes so that there wasn't a personal conflict with BM, and later I asked DH how SS's Christmas was in which he said fine and then that he thought they were doing something at FIL's without him (I posted about).

Fast forward to last night SS post something about the Cowboy's game and DH made a smart ass remark simply to rile his sister up. This turned into a full out argument and even Bible versus getting involved and then SIL saying she was done after DH hadn't posted in a good 10 minutes and him making a snide remark about her wanting control in which she then called him ignorant and stupid mind you during all of this DH was either on Facebook talking to me or calling me or MIL to giggle about the situation. I did like some of the post that he had put as they were valid and was not attacking but simply trying to get her to be a nicer person, but at no point did I directly say anything to her though I guess she got pissy and was mad that DH was done.

I honestly didn't think and reposted something that my friend had posted about how people aren't perfect in which SIL attacked me saying if she ever heard me be mean to SS that she would knock my teeth among other things. I commented back simply defending myself then received a text from DH that said "All right you need to stop" in which I deleted the whole post and pretty much left it alone. Mind you right before I posted the post I had sent her a message saying that I knew she probably didn't like that I liked some of DH's comments but she didn't need to drag me into her trying to end the argument as she had put something like "Okay DH and SBM I am done blah blah blah" even though like I said I never actually commented. Well she proceeded to respond to this message that I am evil hearted and am taking her brother down with me. I simply responded that I wasn't to which she says that SS said he was scared to stay at FIL's house because he was scared I would show up and be mean - again mind you he pulled a similar stunt but with school last time DH was gone, I have not seen the kid in TWO weeks, and have only went over to FIL's house once without DH and no one was home and I was simply dropping off clothes for SIL's son and a check as DH had borrowed money from FIL for a vehicle repair when his pay got messed up. At this point I again defended myself and then blocked her as I do not like drama and I am sure she was ranting to DH too and he hates it as much as I do. Also last time DH was home I essentially tried to disengage as much as possible though did SS a hug and tell him I loved him before we dropped him off but that was the most communication we had essentially had due to earlier in the hitch him twisting words to get attention from DH.

I do not know why all of a sudden she feels like she needs to attack me when the woman has never liked me simply because her and DH don't get along and I had not actually said anything to her. It is just so absurd especially with DH telling me I needed to stop when I hadn't started it. With the whole SS thing I feel like I am starting to build resentment because at this point he is yes only almost 6 but being irrational and using things about me that are absurd to get attention.

DH would not communicate with me last night hardly at all and I do not know if it is because I blocked her or what is going on. He did tell me he was going to bed but nothing more and it truly hurt me to the point I slept in our guest bed. He comes home Thursday and I do not want drama or issues but I do not feel like me simply posting that she took directed at her was starting and I just want my husband home and for us to all be happy, and for SS to come home and again realize I am not mean and for us to move on.

I just feel so stabbed between being attacked simply because DH was done, SS clearly wanting to destroy my image for attention which I don't doubt is supported by BM and feeling like my husband got made and shunned me because I wanted to defend myself.

sbm014's picture

I forgot to add I think the reason SS didn't want to stay was most likely BM - I say this because DH had a extra evening home last time and so we decided to try to take SS out for a second good bye dinner in which he he said he wanted to go but then got in the car crying he was going to miss BM and didn't want to make her sad while we went out to eat mind you BM had him for one night and was about to have him for 3 weeks most of which he would it be in school.

sbm014's picture

He has told her to stay out of it before, and I was actually talking to MIL when I blocked her and MIL her own mother told me that she figured she was attacking me because DH was done with her.

I used to be very impulsive and angry but at this point I don't want any more issues I just want to be able to have my life back with DH home and everything on our terms, as typically I have hardly any contact with her even when we got to FIL's house where she pretty much lives there are barely words spoke so I just would rather leave the situation alone.

As stated I think DH was probably fed up with the situation he works nights so is still asleep as far as I know and will see how he acts when he gets up. I mean he has stood up for me before but I think especially with him at work he just wanted to ignore it probably didn't want to hear me rant which I was part - like I said I deleted the post as soon as he tried to tell me I needed to stop. I mean I think that should show that I don't want issues. I am on my edge of just wanting to run away but I have hope when he comes home it will be somewhat better.

The funny thing about her attack is the fact that today is SMIL's birthday and herself and I aren't the best of friends but are cordial and when I messaged her to wish her a happy birthday her response was "Thank you, and it's not over we still need to do Christmas with you, DH, and SS...mentioning nothing about previously doing anything with SS or there being any issues and she has been one to point out my wrong doing and defend SS and BM before. It was a while ago but has since been diffused as BM's true colors came out.

I just hate the drama I hate that she feels like she needs to attack me and then it gets turned into me being a bad guy - when I am probably the least evil woman DH could find seeing as even disengaged from SS this past home, I sent his advent calendar to BMs (my mom bought), and I set up a tree by myself which I hate decorating so SS can come back to presents under a tree, I have bent over backwards even without direct contact with the child.

sbm014's picture

Exactly. To me I hate drama and I've stated I just want DH to get up and call/text and everything to be okay I don't want to argue over this.

The thing about his sister though is from what I could tell she used to attack BM all the time, and her and BM would have yelling arguments infront of the kid and competition of who had better stuff etc. I just try to be cordial I have never tried to argue or compare in anyway.

Also, it is clear her issue with me is because of her brother. I say this because DH and I went over to FIL's to do a early birthday dinner for DH, and his nephew as DH was not going to be home for his birthday and nothing was said or posted about anything special. When DH's eldest birthday came up she posted all over about him, and then a picture of him, and also did the same for the younger brother (a different father). This is one example, another is DH helped her look for a truck to drive and advised her on certain one which she chose the more gas guzzling and later blamed DH for rushing her into buying something -- um you asked for his help and how is he going to force you to buy something? The loan is in your name. Mind you she is rough on vehichles and has no concern for bad front ends, and when she hears a noise simply runs to DH or daddy...well one night she got rather intoxicated and called MIL and MIL called DH to help get SIL in the house which he went over and did (it's 2miles down the road where MIL was staying) and then the next day he helped SIL out and fixed her truck for what was supposed to be like lunch and she pay for parts and she only paid for parts and has since said he does nothing for her and he is nothing but negative. Last time she attacked me it was about how me and her brother were nothing but negative and she wanted to cut us out of her life which it looks like she has finally done....but mind you I have saved clothes *I* have bought for DH and instead of sending them to my blood nephew have given them to her son as hand me downs some of which are still starched as my brother makes good money, and she simply works for the state, he has fixed her car, we have multiple times taken her son to school when living with MIL, and watched him.

Mind you nephew loves me and didn't want me to leave on Christmas Eve yet I am so evil hearted....

She just sent me a message to leave her alone....ume I'm pretty sure that shows her wanting control of the situation.

sbm014's picture

Yep...turns out she ended up blocking me after putting that I am a crazy b*tch and I need to leave her alone...and that she has seen me yell at SS at MIL's boyfriends house um okay. First there had been no message for 12+ hours and you are deciding to message me to leave you alone, second of all me yelling at him at MIL's boyfriends house wasn't the original issue if you look at the first post it was that SS is scared and didn't want to stay at FIL's house. I will say I have probably yelled at him at MIL's boyfriends house mind you it is 10+ acres, and where his ATV is, and when he out there he is a complete ditz to listening and not just to me it is just the space, and having a complete area to play I mean we have a backyard but it is still different I have never gotten in the kids face and yelled at him, I may have told him to stop doing something or said his name to get attention.

Also last night during her and DH's status argument he had not posted for TEN MINUTES when she posted that she was done and she was an adult and goodnight DH and SBM. Ummmm totally wanting control.

Like I said her issue with me doesn't stem from wanting to be the only woman or anything like that I think it is just simply her wanting to find fault because DH was rough on her growing and has strongly criticized some of her decisions such as her baby daddy being a sex offender, dating felons etc...and once he shuts her up I am the next easiest target and despite all that we have done, and honestly if something was needed for her son I would ben over backwards and do it as her son is the sweetest little boy he is like a mini DH as FIL raises him most of the time their baby pics are even almost identical.

sbm014's picture

I deleted her and I think this probably caused more issues knowing my SIL. It is just absolutely insane. I just I guess what really gets me is the fact that DH then did not want to communicate with me and I assume he ignored her but I felt punished because like you said I got caught in the middle because he tried to end the conversation and I am the next closest thing to attacking him.

I just pulled up her page and it looks like she ended up deleting DH. Like I said I deleted her I didn't completely block her.

sbm014's picture

Exactly....my brother threatened my brother once out of tipsy-ness and somewhat of a joke. I said something and the next morning he told DH he hoped he understood that that night was just a all around not good night for any of the conversation that had been had.

sbm014's picture

I try to think about it like I do BM. Everyone knows these women want drama and nothing else. They can't even keep their stories straight on why they are angry.

I am still somewhat annoyed with DH but honestly for all I know he may have tried who knows as he has before but we aren't together and didn't talk last night but he knows as well as I do his sister is nuts.

I wish our DH's could do it in a new firm public way or even at all.

sbm014's picture

DH I assume just got up and sent me a text that says "Love you baby" nothing more nothing less.

I don't really mind it I mean last night he irritated me but with her blocking me she just cured the problem and hopefully when we got to FIL's she we will be away and if she isn't it will be focused on us opening our gifts and I will make sure my phone is charged for when we aren't out on the UTV (It's ours but we store it at FIL's house when DH is gone as we have had break-ins where we live and have no complete enclosed place to keep it.

I just hate the drama so much. I know I am a easy target but for the situation I probably the nicest they could get.