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Going to Court With A High Conflict BM

theoutsider's picture

Oh, how I'm so looking forward to it...Court Date was made for my birthday (WooHoo)

Earlier she sent an email saying my boyfriend was making his oldest do all her siblings chores before she could go hang out with friends (stopping his kids from spending time with their friends), joining band and girl scouts.

He responded back "(The oldest) had a choice of punishment: not go to friend's house or do her siblings chores. She chose to go to her friends Friday night and she did the chores Saturday when she got back. I told (the boy) that joining band was a lot of responsibility, would be treated as an extension of school, and learning an instrument takes time and a lot of practice. I did not tell him he couldn't join, he made the decision himself when (oldest girl) told him they pull kids out of recess to practice before a performance. (The youngest girl) just got two Ds and an F on her report card.(She is leaving homework at school and telling us and her mom she doesn't have any) Now is most definately not the time for her to be adding an extracurricular."

BM just sent an email rambling on about all kinds of things. She was slinging mud, telling half truths, putting words in CAPS, ending every sentence in a ! or sometimes !!! And of course using profanity. Then ends it with "I'll see you in court!!!"

My boyfriend so badly wanted to email back to her "Yep, can't wait. The judge is going to LOVE your (bleeping) emails!!!"

Of course he didn't, he just forwarded the last few days emails on to his lawyer with a note saying "These are possible topics BM and her lawyer might try to side track the hearing with and my responses to them. If you have any questions please let me know."

My birthday is going to be oh so wonderful...

theoutsider's picture

There was never a parenting agreement in the original divorce decree.
Never any peice of paper saying when BM got the kids, what days, how long, pick up times, holidays.
He went in for mediation with her and she made demands of wanting the kids every year the while day on every birthday, wanting every weekend, wanting more than half the summer. Wanting every christmas, every thanksgiving, every easter.. And wanting something written in that she could change all of this if her work (at the time) dictated it (which she made her own schedule)...
So after one-six hope mediation getting really no where, he told his lawyer to just move on,... That was over a year and a half ago and BM is still stalling...

He is primary parent, she gets visitation,...

all he wants, is for a judge to split things down the middle as fair as possible and have it be set.
So BM stops having free reign of whatever she wants and stops pulling the kids left and right at her will...

theoutsider's picture

Actually that was a suggestion by the therapist.
The incident being corrected was half directed at her siblings.

And did you mean extra curriculars?
No, BM moved an hour away. The only reason she brings its up is she told him over the summer, her time with the kids means she doesn't have to take the kids to their activities. My boyfriend offered rides (since she is an hour away) and BM is getting more agitated every time. The kids or him ask. But she has allowed a few times for him to pick up and take when she didn't want to.
So now even the hint that he is stopping an activity and she is all over its pointing fingers back at him.

christinen's picture

I-m so happy I agree with this. What goes on in your home (aside from abuse, obviously) is none of BM's business whatsoever. DH's time is DH's time and BM's time is BM's time.

The rules in my home are completely different from the rules in BM's home (there are no rules in BM's home- SD runs wild there, while at our house she has a bedtime, she has to sit at the table to eat, etc- normal stuff). The rules in our home are none of BM's business.

Your DH is giving BM and the skids way too much power here.