It's not okay to be a racist. Period. It's not okay to be a bigot. Period.

It's STILL not okay EVEN IF it's grandpa. It's still not okay even if you had a bad experience. It's STILL not okay if you're not a cisgendered white male or a person who enjoys white cisgender privelage. It's just not okay. And yes, you should point it out. You should point it out every time.

"Kids, it is in NO WAY acceptable to call something 'gay' as a slur. Kids, it's not acceptable to make disparaging comments about black people." A couple of comments like this from grandpa, and grandpa would be getting a "Hey, Grandpa Jack, you are entitled to your opinion, but please don't make racial slurs in my vehicle in front of my daughter again. I don't want her to think it's acceptable behavior. It isn't."

I love my grandmother to pieces but she says things like that and it internally drives me nuts. I know the feeling of just wanting to scream at them but not doing so.

In this case, you should absolutely say something to him like "fil, if you disagree with the person in question, fine, but just remember they are a person and therefore they're entitled to the same respectful treatment as you. And please do not spew such vitriol in front of my kids again."

Yes, this guy is from a different generation, but he's from the generation that worked hard. Hopefully he can join us in working hard to eliminate such prejudice.

Well said Echo!!

There is absolutely no reason why your daughter should have to listent to that crap. In my opinion, the next time you hear FIL or MIL blurt out a slur tell them you are trying to teach you Daughter to judge people on their character rather than by the color of their skin or sexual orientation, and you would appreciate it is they would keep it to themselves.

I understand the IL frustrations. My own ILs while not bigots are financially inept with repeated foreclosures and bankruptcies. Not just my MIL and FIL but my BIL1 and SIL. The only exception is BIL2. This of course causes my DW significant frustration and heart break which frustrates me and breaks my heart.

Not justifying your FILs lack of discretion in voicing his bigotry, however, people of that generation were raised in a pre civil rights world where diversity, inclusion and integration was a rare thing and homosexuality was not a flaunted or socially acceptable behavior.

My own father tends to lean towards the same perspective that your FIL does though he keeps his comments and perspectives to himself. He is sophisticated enough to not vent his views in public so there has never been a need for me to reign him in on it.

Regardless of his feelings and stereotypical belief tendencies I too worship my dad as your DH does his own. He is an outstanding man who has provided extremely well for his family, set a great example of what a responsible and caring father and man is for his sons and loves and has been faithfully married to his wife (my mom) for more than 50 years, loves his son's and their families unequivocally. Though I do not agree with or condone his perspectives on the demographics that he tends to dislike I cannot discount his overwhelmingly positive traits due to a norm that was in place during his youth even if I believe firmly that that normative belief is wrong.

My mom being a lady of the south probably shares many of my father’s perspectives but does not ever discuss these things.

Even when watching the news today it could be very easy to develop inaccurate stereotype driven opinions of groups of people. Many have had negative experiences with members of groups that are historically targets of bigotry. As have I. Sometimes it is difficult to separate the idiot individual from the group that they are member of.

I focus my own perspectives on the behavior of individuals and detest idiots of any racial, ethnic, religious, or sexual preference persuasion. Any demographic has idiots and it is the idiots that we should detest and not the demographic they may come from. Idiots have not earned nor should they receive respect. Respect is earned. It is not an inalienable right. It is earned by action and not mere existence. IMHO of course.

My ire includes gang members, entitlement minions and serial entitlement breeders of both genders, toxic idiots in the blended family opposition, idiot parents, ill-behaved POS children of idiot parents, and so on, and so on, and so on....... Idiots who make conscious decisions to not be viable self supporting adults, do not take responsibility for themselves and their families, take from those that earn when they do not, etc, I absolutely detest. Until on the rare occasion that one of them changes their behavior. The ones that change their behavior I put up as an example of how to do it right and through hard work and determination to better their lives.

People of character and responsible performance of any demographic I applaud. Fortunately there are far more of them than there are idiots.

One thing I find very interesting is that some people consider descriptive terms to be offensive. Gay for example. Gay and lesbian are perfectly acceptable terms to refer to either male or female homosexuals respectively. Gay people refer to themselves as gay. Just as negro, black, African are all historically acceptable terms for members of the Negroid race or people of African decent. Oriental refers to someone from the orient as does the term Asian though these terms also often refer to members of the Mongoloid race or Asian decent. White or Caucasian refer to people of the Caucasian race usually of European decent.

In general referring to someone's race or sexual orientation is not offensive or at least in should not be. Certain forms of reference are definitely bigoted in nature and are and should be unacceptable. But, our ridiculous political correctness has resulted in a lack of courage to even discuss some topics that most definately need to be discussed. We can't say gay, we can't refer to people of African or Asian decent with perfectly acceptable terms.... So how are we supposed to discuss issues that include about 75% of the world’s population? I find it interesting that this political correctness has gotten to the point that there are actually movements to create the impression that races do not exist. We have more pressing things to address than denying that people of European, African and Asian decent are different. We are different not only racially but also culturally. We have to embrace all of it or we are wasting our time.

And that is how I see it.