What do I do?
Ok so DH pays 175 a week for CS for sd7. BM txt him a few weeks ago saying sd wants to do summer camp and its gonna cost $300. To register her. He hasn't once mentioned it to me. She txt him again 2 days ago reminding him she needs to register before the 21st. An again saying its gonna cost 300. And again he hasn't said anything to me. It bothers me he hasn't mentioned it. So is he seriously going to give her the 300 and never tell me?? Secondly he shouldn't have to pay the full 300. She get 175 a week for child support which is money that goes towards sd!! It's been bothering me but idk if I should wait to ask him or wait and see if he is ever going to even tell me. I don't see why he wouldn't tell me. I wouldn't say he can't giver her the money uess of course he is planning in giving the full 300. What do I do??
I guess I wonder how you know
I guess I wonder how you know what people text him... Does he know you check up on him?
You are on a slippery slope.
You are on a slippery slope. Very slippery, are you going thru his phone?
Obliviously he hasn't paid her, maybe he doesn't plan to pay her. Maybe he is ignoring her. Maybe he doesn't want to argue with you about it.
I think you need to chill out and let him deal with his ex and his child.
He asked me to respond to a
He asked me to respond to a txt from one of our friends while he was getting out of the shower. When closing out I saw BM name so yes I read it. And he still shouldn't keep it from me. I'm his wife and its called COMMUNICATION
"Babe while reading the text
"Babe while reading the text to you last night... I saw the one from BM. I guess I am a little surprised that you haven't mentioned summer camp to me, especially as that $300 would effect OUR budget. The only thing I could think of was that you had no intention of paying and that was why you did not mention it...."
Lets him know you saw it. Lets him know you expect things that effect the finances in your combined budget to be discussed by both who contribute to the budget and leads him right into saying
"Pfft I aint paying for shit... thats why I didn't answer"
Uummm... no. It's an invasion
Uummm... no. It's an invasion of privacy. Something we all have a right to. (privacy, not invasion of...) Being married or involved with someone does not invalidate that.
I thought I might be weird on that, so just asked my eldest about them and their partner, and how they'd feel about the other looking at their texts absent specific permission. Answer? No. No way.
Communication is not the same as snooping What you did was snooping. His kids, his ex, his decision.
As long as he isn't using
As long as he isn't using your money to pay for the camp, why worry about it?
If you live in a state that requires NCP to pay child care in addition to CS, he's lucky mom picked such a cheap camp.
I absolutely love double
I absolutely love double standards by BMs. If she saw texts that indicated he was cheating, not a single person here would tell her she is invading his privacy. But, when it is related to giving BM more money, then it's all about invasion of privacy. CS is to cover taking care of a child, period. If she wants extra for camp, unless court ordered, too bad. If this is her husband she has a right to know and be consulted on all major expenses...incl 300USD extra to the ex.
I would. Tell her she's (OR
I would. Tell her she's (OR he) was wrong.
Thank you herewegoagain. And
Thank you herewegoagain. And I did NOT say communication was the same as invading privacy. I was venting that he should tell me weather he was or wasn't going to pay. I was bothered by the lack of communication. I also did NOT say that BM had to use all the CS to pay for it. He they went halls perfectly fine. My issue this whole time was the lack of communication. Also if she is getting 175 a week that's 700 a month. And BM lives with her parents and 4 other people. So she isn't paying rent! She smokes weed all the time and JUST started working recently since the kid has been born. The child is going to be 8!! So maybe now you see my frustration if she is asking for the full 300. She should NOT be using CS to support herself as we'll. she should of gotten off her ass a long time ago an started working. How does she she pay for her stupid habit??? So before you bash me for snooping or invading privacy ask more questioned next time before doing so.
Xh pays me cs which is
Xh pays me cs which is considered by the court, half of what it costs to raise the child. So now I pay for bs's needs. I never ever ask for more money from xh, that is what the cs is for, not even for summer school so bs can earn his much needed extra 1/2 credit to move on to next grade. If bm is asking for MORE then the cs then it's her that is not making up the difference to cover the child's needs and it's not his responsibility to always jump in and pay bm EXTRA for the child, especially for something "extra" like camp. If it's for schooling or food, maybe, b/c that is directly involved in keeping the child cared for but when custodial parents want more money for sports and camps etc, to me it's just bugging the non custodial parent for more money when it's not necessary.
And as for looking at DH's phone, it's not that big of a deal. I look at my DH's phone too. I pick it up to plug it in for him and if I see something odd I read it. Truly if he wanted to hide something it wouldn't be there. It's not right tho but you have valid concern since it's your money he's giving if it's not cs, it's your household money and your budget. It hurts your bank account if she's always asking for above and beyond what he is court ordered to pay her. IMO!!
She jut pisses me off. Since
She jut pisses me off. Since they split up when the kid was 3 he right away started paying her 150 a week directly into her account and they set up there own visitation schedule. The kid is gonna be 8 in December. Just this past August did they go to court for the first time about child support because BM wanted more money. What guy does that?? Not many. She just wanted more money to support her own habit. This whole thing pisses me off.
From experience my husband
From experience my husband gets enraged when i go through his phone. It always leads to a fight even when I dont find anything that might upset me. So my advice is find a way to make conversation about it and see if he brings it up. such as ask him if he knows what she is doing this summer or something. kinda force him to tell you without actually saying hey I went through your phone. It will bring up trust issues and all kinds of fights if you come out and tell him you did. good luck.