Stepkids and Biological kids have Never gotten along
I am new to this site and don't now how to start. Has anyone had to deal with Step-sibling rivalry for YEARS at a time? My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. I have basically been the only "mother" my stepkids have had since their mother pretty much ignored them until she passed away 2 years ago. Their are 6 of them (3 mine, 3 his, none together) altogether and it feels like they have NEVER gotten along. it has been frequent arguments and bickering from the beginning between them. They were ages 5 through 12 when we first got together. now ages 17 through 24. It hasnt changed much at all other than the fact that the 2 oldest have moved out. there is still a lot of bickering and petty arguments. Bio Kids all graduated/or will graduate high school this year, but Stepkids all quit and haven't gone for GED. 2 have crappy jobs at local fast food places. The one still left in school is special ed student(low IQ developmental delays and he is having a hard time just getting to the end of High School) is left to fend for himself because i am unavailable after school due to odd work hours at my job. stepkids come home and complain about things he does or does not do after school when they were working. He is a person who is willing to help and do work around the house if he is asked nicely. He get doesn't want to do anything when his stepsiblings put him down all the time and nag him. I feel lie i am constantly defending him and at times it turns into yelling. It is getting to be too much stress for me. I am ready to pack up myself and my bio kids and move out of the house. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this type of situation?
This is very complicated,
This is very complicated, isn't it? I would expect adult children (over 18) to be figuring out how to live independently, either with roommates in apts., or in dorms at college. It sounds like that IS the case with your biokids. Is part of your stress from the skids not having any plans to move out and be adults? Is your husband available at all to deal with his children and their behavior? Are you worried about leaving the youngest SS, the special ed kid, alone to deal with the others? Maybe there is a program for him to live in a group hime or other independent setting, and you can feel that he will be safe. Give us some info about your husband's involvment, an maybe we can advise better.
It has been years since my
It has been years since my bios have 'gotten along" with my ss14. Even when they were having moments of "getting along" he was still a bully who'd smack them upside the head at a moments notice.
I have no words of wisdom to offer, we "solved" the problem, by moving ss out of the house and not doing visits. Probably not ideal to many-but it had become a harmful environment to my bios. It seems like all these kiddos are almost adult. I would suggest the ones that ARE adults-moving on out.
You haven't mentioned
You haven't mentioned anything but verbal bickering. How about just getting tough on that? New rules: Anybody bickering loud enough for me to hear it is out of the house for several hours - both sides - doesn't matter who started it or who did what. Anybody complaining about anyone else - same rule. I do not want to hear it. Period. No tattling - same rule. You tattle you go outside for several hours.
Sitting in the garage during bad weather counts just wear your outside clothing. It's OK to take your electronic stuff, etc., with you to amuse yourself.
I.e. JUST SHUT UP and settle your differences quietly or face consequences.
It works at school, it works at work places and it works in the military.