Sleeping arrangments
My partner and I do not live together. This is for a number of reasons but for me the biggest is the fact his two children aged 8 and eleven are little monsters at times and their behaviour is never questioned or challenged by their dad or any of his family. Any way one of my issues is the need for his children to be in his bed when I am not there. For months it was quite normal for myself and my three children aged 5 (twins) and four to spend every other weekend at his house when his children were there. This was exciting for all the children and everything was going really well but then his daughter decided that she wanted to be in daddy's bed and we all needed to go and what little madam wants little madam gets. Not content with being told no by daddy she took it upon her self to be a little cow with my three and telling them they shouldn't be with her daddy and we all have to go and generally being horrid. My lot get upset and so now staying over just can't happen. The first weekend we are not there both his son aged 11and the daughter aged 8 are in his bed. Next morning she is in his bath. Does this seem a bit weird to anybody else? To me his kids are far to old to be sharing his bed and his bath. Any advice?
OMG yes far too old. My SD6
OMG yes far too old. My SD6 will not even get changed in front of her dad and they are very close. and they have neither (SD6 and SD3)for the 2 1/2 years I have been in their lives EVER shared a bed with their dad. Like I said they are all very close but that is a no no. As for the bath, SD6 is becoming a little shy with her dad playing with them while both skids are in the bath tub so he leaves them to play by them selves whilst I do my make up in the bathroom. He misses playing with them but he realsied before I even did that she was 'growing up'. So cute!
Thank you. Apart from the
Thank you. Apart from the sexual abuse bit you sound a bit like my mum. I mean no offence by this my mum is the BEST. I have stood up to his kids and in no uncertain terms I have given his kids what for when they have given mine he'll but I think I need to give him a bit of a kick up the arse too.
Thank you. I am so pleased to
Thank you. I am so pleased to hear it is not just me that feels this way. Any ideas on how to approach this with him? I don't want to come across as being some green eyed monster. I think deep down he knows they are to old to be in his bed but doesn't want to admit it. I know he went through Hell when his wife left him and took the kids with her and for along time he didn't see them. I can't imagine what that must of being like but it was five years ago and he now has a court order so she can't stop access so I think he has to start cutting the apron strings a bit.
I would run for the hills!
I would run for the hills! You are just asking for problems with this man and his kids.
^^^THIS!
^^^THIS!
Your post gave me the creeps.
Your post gave me the creeps. That kid is wayyyyyy too old to be sleeping in daddy's bed. DH and I had bedtime issues with SD when we first moved in together because she was used to sleeping with him and I refused to let her in my bed, but she was only 2 at the time (she's 5 now and we now have a normal bedtime routine because I put my foot down and said no skids in my bed).
It might be a little harder for you to do that since you don't technically live with your partner. But I would definitely let him know you find it creepy and weird. Who cares what he thinks. It's how you feel and it's the truth!
An 8 year old girl in her
An 8 year old girl in her dad's bath? That's just wrong.
My SD just turned 9. I came
My SD just turned 9. I came into her life when she was 6. Up until this past December, any time she spent the night with MIL, they would sleep together. FIL would sleep in SD's bedroom---yes, she has a full bedroom at the in-law's. DH and I got married when SD was 8 and since then SD has asked me several times if I could sleep somewhere else so she could sleep with her "daddy". I do think it's common for little girls to want to snuggle with their dads - without it being sexual.
Your SO is guilt parenting and that needs to stop! If you want to continue a relationship with him, it's going to be lots of hard work! If you eventually plan to combine your families, it helps to have some basic rules established. Rule #1 - kids don't rule the roost.
The bath part is
The bath part is inappropriate.
But... I had times when my 12yo son came into bed with me. When he wasn't feeling well, when he had something on his mind... Nothing off about it. But I don't think he did after about that age.
My daughter? We sometimes STILL share a bed, and she's 18. When we went on college visits, and it was cheaper to get a room w/only one bed. When she wants to talk about "stuff". Really - no big deal. No more odd than if she were a friend and we were trying to save money.