Please comment on Dear Amy to show support for this poor wife
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/askamy/ct-sun-0129-amy-2012...
In this column is a post by a wife whose husband meets with his kids at his ex's apt and goes out to lunch with her (without his new wife) and their kids. I think this is an unhealthy boundary and one that no one else would be expected to accept if there weren't kids involved. I am not the jealous type myself, but I think this is disrespectful and inappropriate to the new wife who apparently doesn't count to Amy or most commenters. Especially considering the new wife feels uncomfortable. Amy and most comments say the wife should suck it up, ignore herself and do what's best for the children. I say there are other ways to support the children without kicking the wife.
Wow.... I read the letter,
Wow.... I read the letter, then I read the comments. Obviously many of these people do not understand some of the issues here. They all made it out to be that Wife #2 is jealous of Ex-wife. I saw it as this: stepmoms (most at least) have a hard time coming into a family. So if her DH only has visitation every other weekend, and he spends it with Ex-wife and kids at Ex's apartment visiting and going out to dinner, how is SM supposed to build a relationship with her stepkids? To me, this has the potential to enforce even more to the kids that SM is an "outsider". I have to wonder how long this has been going on, and if there is any way to possibly turn things around.
I'll speak right up and say I'd have a cow if my DH did this.
No kidding! Like I wrote in
No kidding! Like I wrote in the comments, no one would want their spouse to have dinner every other wknd with his or her ex. Somehow if their are kids in the picture, the new wife needs to suck it up.
If the first couple are so amicable, why the divorce in the first place? Either you are divorced or not. If you are, the damage is done. You are not undoing the damage by meeting your ex and having dinner with her often. You are simply perpetuating the inevitable- that you are no longer a family and you've made a new family. It's like he is ashamed that's he's done this so he wants to walk a line between these two realities at the cost of his new marriage.
It is very disrespectful of the new wife. It's grossly disrespectful to meet socially with your ex without your spouses approval with or without kids involved period. Amy was way off on this one.
If it is hurting the
If it is hurting the wife...then the husband needs to do something about it..
I am one of those people in a way..
My X comes to my mothers house every Monday night for dinner..
My husband was not agreeable in the begining but then he realized
it was not for me it was for my daughter..
Get this..if my husband gets off work early enough he as well
as my X and my family all eat together..
There are no problems at all...So many people can not believe that I have
this type of relationship with my X...but it works..my daughter enjoys it..
and there is no harm done..
We all involved want is best for my daughter..
On the other hand if my husband still didn't like it..
I would no longer do it..
But the key here is that your
But the key here is that your DH is included. If you all can come to an agreement that includes everyone, then you've got a great thing going!
In the case of this woman who wrote in, it sounds as if she is EXCLUDED from these "secret high-sign" weekend get-togethers.
My FH did this for the entire
My FH did this for the entire first year we were together. He told the skids that they did not have to meet me until they were "ready." Only one ever became "ready" - the others had to be forced a year and a half in. This caused more fights and hard feelings than I can express. I still am not over it. And the skids are completely aware to this day that they hold all the power. FH doesn't believe me when I tell him about the nasty glares and snide remarks they make behind his back so I just stopped telling him. Why bother?
Not to mention the confusion
Not to mention the confusion to the skids. Are mom and dad together or not?
I feel lucky that it wasn't
I feel lucky that it wasn't happen to me. But if situations gonna be like that, I don't think what will I feel or what will I do. It such a disrespectful to woman's feeling. If it would happen to me, I think me and my husband would argue everyday and then I would never allow my husband bring my kids to his X. It's gonna be a big noooooooo!
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This kind of situation is not
This kind of situation is not new to me. Well, all I can say is, both women need to be strong for theirselves. piercing
What is good for the goose is
What is good for the goose is for the gander...I am sure you have some hot ex's...go have lunch...see he likes it
In the beginning my boyfriend went over her house all the time...his ex-mother in law would call...kids would say mom wants you to have dinner...it is over he would tell me and I believed it but it was inaapropriate...well I started having lunch with my exboyfreinds..it is over...we r just friends...long stiry short..they don"t have dinner, text or call after 8...and ONLY deal with kid issues
There is no stinkin way I would tolerate that nonsense!!!