Perhaps this is less of a question and more of a rant, but I am still interested in others who have had or are currently having a similar experience.

This is my very first post, so am also learning the abbreviations! I know this is also a long post and I apologize for that.

I have 2 SD, one 19 and one 17. The 19 year old is moved out and we are dealing with a whole bunch of other interesting stuff with her, lol. SD17 is the issue. Initially, she was coming to our place half time but that all came to a halt in 2011. BM drinks heavily and the environment in that household is very destructive BUT it did allow SD17 to do whatever she wanted. We saw her in March of 2011 and then she stopped coming over... she said she was busy seeing friends, etc. Okay fine. Then she came for a couple of days in June 2011 so that I could take her to get her ear pierced. Then we didn't see or hear from her until December 2011 when we took her out for her 17th birthday. At this point, she had run away from BM's home (BM didn't inform us until SD17 was gone for 2 days) and had she had called Child and Family Services and the police on her mother - it was insane. When we took her for dinner for her birthday, SD17 asked if she could come live with us because she wanted to straighten herself out. Now we hadn't even spoken to her for 6 months!!! We had heard from a variety of sources that SD17 was heavily into drugs and drinking and providing sex to get the drugs. We weren't impressed but also felt that, if she was serious, she deserved a chance to get her life on track.
An extra note in here is that this was the 3rd time she has done this to us over the past 4 years - deciding she didn't want to come over any more so that she could be with her friends, then coming back after a few months.

When she moved in, DH drafted up a "contract" for her to agree to so that she knew this was not a flophouse for her to continue partying. She was also skipping a lot of school, so he said that every time she cut class, she would be grounded. By March 2012, it was obvious she was going to be grounded over Spring Break. Suddenly she told us that she didn't think she could live with us anymore, and that she had already cleared it with her friend and her friend's mother that she could live with them. We had spent about $1,000.00 redoing her room at this point, and getting clothes and helping her with school supplies, as well as building up her confidence, spending hours talking and telling her every day we loved her. However, as DH said "I'm not going to compete with your friends to make you stay here. You're 17, you can decide what you want, but I think it is a very bad choice." Well, she moved out quick as you can imagine. DH called BM to let her know the entire story and where SD17 had gone, so everyone knew it was SD17's decision to move because she was upset at being grounded.

We were informed by BM that SD17 was telling everyone we kicked her out!!! :O
The last time I heard from her was in June when she sent me a text saying we never really wanted her... I couldn't believe it. It was so painful that she would talk garbage about us, and my heart was aching for DH.

Now we are sort of going through the process of mourning the loss of a daughter - but not the person she became. I am overwrought with thoughts of "I should have done this" and questioning everything I ever did or said. DH is not interested in chasing after her for a relationship and I just want to know why she did this. Of course, I will never know because she believes herself to be the victim in all of this. She was a destructive force, manipulating people just to get what she wanted, which was to be able to drink and party any time she wanted with no repercussions. Knowing she won't respond to my texts or phone calls hurts as well, but at least she will respond to DH's texts.

Thank you for reading this long-winded rant, and very interested to hear if anyone has thoughts or experience with this.