If the dad doesn't care to do it, why should you? Not your child, not your problem.

Dramas at meal times can be quite damaging, it can cause eating disorders in the future, keep it simple and stick to it, put the food down and say if you eat it all you can have a treat, if she dosn't, never give the treat, if she cannot finish her meal then she is not hungry enough for anything else, never lose your cool you must look in control at all times, by offering her a wide range of foods, she will be more likely to eat a diverse diet in the future and be healthier for it, when I was a child I ate what was offered or went hungry, didn't do me any harm, never force her to eat something again, as long as you are provided a mainly healty diet you are doing your best. Get hubby on board with this and you can't fail.

"I said she had to finish."
"I made a rule..."
Dh lets her have cereal every morning.
You wind up yelling and screaming (????) over breakfast foods.

Holy shit. Let it go. Engaging in power struggles over food is stupid, IMO. The more you force, the more they resist. Then food issues can start. I've known people who grew up in the "clean your plate, there are starving children in..." era, and now they are compulsive about food.

Have healthy stuff available. Cereal, oatmeal, eggs, whatever. She's 6. Good God. There are bigger issues in this life.

Wow, he just passed that responsibility right on to you didn't he? time for dad to start feeding SD.

I absolutely know what you need to do: change your rule. Every child/person has different culinary tastes, and you cannot change that. It's part of their genetic makeup. Yes, everyone should try new foods. Some people will, and some people won't for their entire lives. You are trying to change something that is part of her makeup, making an enemy in the process, making your lives miserable AND setting a horrible example for the boys - not to mention the possibility of setting the stage for eating disorders in the girl later on.

Try this rule: "you have to TRY a new food when it is served in a family meal. One bite. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it." Apply this rule to everyone evenly. If the girl wants the same thing for breakfast every day, give it to her. Explain the importance of balanced nutrients and the importance of her vitamin supplement, and serve that with her breakfast. Kids with limited appetites need to develop the habit of daily vitamins, and you will be teaching her something important and hopefully helping her to develop a good lifetime habit.

I used this rule to raise two boys with completely opposite appetites. One is an adventurous eater who cooks all kinds of exotic dishes, the other is a "same food every day" kind of guy. They are both happy, well-nourished, and don't have any food issues. Relax and let them be themselves.

And shame on your husband for trying to make you do this!

PS. You should NEVER "shove" any food down a child's throat!

This is not a war over food but a war over who is in charge. Let me explain to you that the step-parent is never in charge. Once you figure that out life will get easier.

I wrote this a long time ago and I hope this helps with your problem. It may not reflect your exact situation but you'll get the idea:
The situation with my step-kids finally got to the point where I decided that my efforts to raise them was futile.
First I told my wife in private what I was going to do and why.
Then I stopped investing myself, time and money in their upbringing. I realized that by conscious choice I could cease being responsible for them or their actions. Neither would I take credit for how they turned out, good or bad. I simply stopped interfering in their lives. This is not to say if they would start a fire on the living room floor I would not intervene. But if they did not do the laundry as scheduled I ignored it. Nor did I do any of their chores. If the trash overflowed in the kitchen - well tough. Mom dealt with it when she got home.
You will be absolutely amazed at the look on a kids face when s/he realizes you don't care enough to even tell their bio-parent they did something wrong. And you'll be amazed at their future behavoir and attitude towards you.
I stayed friendly enough and taught one how to drive when she was old enough. But they could no longer blame me for the consequences of misbehaving just because I saw the misbehavoir. I never told. If they were caught in a infraction it was not my fault. They began to realize that they were responsible for their actions because of what they did not because I caught them.
I would talk to my wife in private if I had issues, but once she made the decision I backed her up 100%.
Once the kids realized I was no longer the ogre they thought I was their attitude changed. I was not their friend, but neither was I the enemy. They came to realize that I had not done those things to irritate them. They in fact missed the things that they had come to depend on me doing. Permission to go to the mall when their Mom was not home? "Sorry, can't do that".
Their mother slowly came to realize that I wasn't overreacting to their actions. In fact I wasn't reacting at all. She came to understand that she would have to control the situation and she did.
With that things got much easier around the house.
Billions of kids grew up in the world without help from me and turned out just fine.

I do the grocery shopping in our house, so if and I mean if I buy a snack item I only put one or two in the pantry at a time. Especially when skids are there otherwise the whole box is gone that day! No one gets a snack at night unless I approve that they haven't eaten all their food on their dinner plate, DH backs me up on this one thank goodness. If they ask for something at they put too much on their plate too bad they have to eat it all!

Instead of putting all this energy into SD, I think you should be putting the energy into DH. The battle with getting him to parent is the one you need to win. Then the rest will work out better.

This doesn't have to revolve around it being a "step" thing either...even "regular" parents often have to work at getting on the same page. I would pick out one or two parenting books (my ex and I used the book "123 Magic")to help him with skills and to help you both create mutual rules. Also, most parenting books are going to mention picky eating. Happens all the time.