Really, you are responsible for his happiness. My mistake I thought he was.

This is not your child or your grandchild it is his.
Why all drama from him? You are happy for him, that should be enough.

Honestly it amazes me how people think you should love their kids like they do. It is ridiculous.

I love my bio, with all my heart. She owns it. I love my god children, but not more than their mom and dad, and not like my daughter. I love my Fskids but not like their dad does. How can I, we have no history. It take times to build depth of love.

Please, tell you Dh to get off the soap box and enjoy HIS grandchild. He is wasting precious time.

Don't feel bad, i'm on the same boat. I don't get invited to any bdays, didn't get invited to baptism, NOTHING. My husbands son makes it a POINT not to involve me in anything that has to do with his son. Yet my husband goes to EVERYTHING that has to do with his grandson.
I used to get my feelings hurt but came to the conclusion that he's part of the baggage that I married into. So I just keep myself busy when the bdays come around, my husband buys the gifts for bdays/christmas etc. his grandson his money.

Just think of it as more time for yourself when those events come around!

I think your DH needs to get his delicate flower feefees in check. If he can't enjoy his grandchild, that's on him.

There is no reason for you to feel all soft and squishy about SD's child. My own SF26 has a 2 y/o, and I could not care less about it.

I love my DH's grandson. In fact I'm crazy about him. But I'm not all gooey over him like my DH is. And it's FINE. We feel what we feel, and nobody else gets to say whether it's right or wrong. Does he think he can MAKE you feel what he feels? Nutcase.

Do you have any Nieces or Nephews you are very attached to? If so then your DH should be as wild about them as you are, right? You would have to fake it to be as joyous as he is. And most people can see right through it. Would he want that? It is sometimes so sickening how DHs expect us to be 'gaga' about their offspring just because they are. We get crapped on by the skids for years and are expected to lie there like a speed bump with a smile on our face.

Perhaps you should calmly point that HE is the one who has ruined this special moment for himself, by acting like a moron and his controlling behaviour.

Who does he think he is? Your puppetmaster?! Hes your husband not your keeper and this is something he needs to remember.

It also strikes me as if he took this an opportunity to vent his frustrations regarding his disappointment in how things have developed with his offspring and their children - it was an excuse which is low.

I would also state to him if these are the rules of your relationship you are going to expect him to just know exactly how you expect him to behave and react to things in relation to the important people in your life.

What an idiot.

My step dad and I co existed in my mother's life. He was not a "Grand" dad.....he was a workaholic, liked to drink and was extremely HANDS OFF with anything dealing with kids- his or hers. However, a time came in our relationship where everything ground to a halt, each did an about face and life was different- I was 26 in a bad marriage and had a baby. He said, tell her that when she is ready to bring her baby home. They gave me a place to live for almost 7 years.

He didn't just become a dad to me........he became the very best grandfather a kid could have. And I say that because even two years after he has gone - I can still see the sparkle in his eye when DD walked into the room.

Grandchildren can change a horrible relationship. THough I was never disrespectful, non of us kids mouthed off liked today's kids do. We didn't even question why (very often) because the answer was consistently because I said so.

I am living for the day for my grandkids on both sides.......not for spoiling them with $$$$ things, but to give them the experiences that I had an my children had.

Don't close your door to some "feeling" that may develop. But concentrate maybe on how DH can enjoy his grandchild - and be a part of his (DH I mean) life.

Sorry having a sentimental morning. - but ultimately you own your own emotions and someone can not tell you how to feel.

I wonder if this cold war isn't counter-productive. By not talking and making it extrmely icey in your home (although in this weather I think your home would be very comfortable!)and not agknowledging his birthday is a little petty.

Look, he is being stupid, not you. If you carry on like normal then he cannot accuse you of hating the child or being angry about the child taking him away from you or any other reason. So far his children are winning.

I agree with you 100%. Not everyone is a kid person. And no, you are not responsible for his happiness unless oyu ar deliberately sabotaging him.... which you aren't.

So tell him you are excited for HIM. You are happy for HIM. You are sure the child has a strong family resemblence. Yes, he will go to college and find a cure for cancer. And continue doing what you need and want to do. Spend some time admiring his photos, buy the kid a truck and be done with it.

What annoys me about your post is the fact that he allows his ex to play "I remember when.." while her fiance and you are sitting there. Maybe the next time she starts you turn to her fiance and say "Obviously this is not a conversation for us so how about we chat outside?" And maybe raise the issue with your DH. As long as he allows his ex wife to be rude to you you cannot form any strong bond with his children or grandchildren. Yeah, ;et's turn it around and blame the bitch... }:)

Step-Miserable, I have been in stepmom shoes for 22 years and know exactly what you are saying. My husband would do the same as yours, get really defensive if I didn't cherish everything his sons would do and it took us years to work out. I have children from a previous marriage, 4 grands from them. I can tell his bond is not as strong with my children or the grands but I don't harp on him.

One of husband's sons had a child almost 2 years ago. The son had not been truthful as a child and caused lots of issues with his lack of honesty.....that dishonest nature went right into his marriage and his way of dealing with situations concerning his child. Blame, blame, blame and I finally got tired of his games. When this child was born I was not told. Husband was informed by email. I asked about 2 weeks later, not knowing, and husband fwd the email to me. Why hadn't my husband said anything, and why hadn't he tried to visit? They live 45 minutes up the rode.

The child is beautiful but I do not feel she is my grand, I feel she is husband's. I don't feel connected. While I have compassion for a child and realize her parents' games are none of her fault I am not going to continue to put myself in a very bad position to have a disconnected relationship with a child I do not feel as family towards. So please do not feel guilty.

I simply told husband how I felt without being angry. I actually have encouraged him to try and work things out with his son and he realizes I won't be a part anymore. I have saved myself so much headache by seperating myself from his sons. I had been feeling so much conflict inside......feeling guilty and obligated but yet it was not in my heart to continue to lay down and be stomped on by all his sons' lack of respect. Neither parent wanted to step up to the parent plate and there was a lot of hurt all the way around.

I finally ended up in counseling and counselor told me to have absolutely nothing more to do with his sons, that their issues were about their mom's abandonment and the problems between the parents, yet the boys were blaming me for everything wrong (easy target) so I stopped putting myself out there to be the target of their anger. Not sure they realize that, and quite honestly I don't think they care.

I wish you the best with this!

Step-Miserable, I have been in stepmom shoes for 22 years and know exactly what you are saying. My husband would do the same as yours, get really defensive if I didn't cherish everything his sons would do and it took us years to work out. I have children from a previous marriage, 4 grands from them. I can tell his bond is not as strong with my children or the grands but I don't harp on him.

One of husband's sons had a child almost 2 years ago. The son had not been truthful as a child and caused lots of issues with his lack of honesty.....that dishonest nature went right into his marriage and his way of dealing with situations concerning his child. Blame, blame, blame and I finally got tired of his games. When this child was born I was not told. Husband was informed by email. I asked about 2 weeks later, not knowing, and husband fwd the email to me. Why hadn't my husband said anything, and why hadn't he tried to visit? They live 45 minutes up the rode.

The child is beautiful but I do not feel she is my grand, I feel she is husband's. I don't feel connected. While I have compassion for a child and realize her parents' games are none of her fault I am not going to continue to put myself in a very bad position to have a disconnected relationship with a child I do not feel as family towards. So please do not feel guilty.

I simply told husband how I felt without being angry. I actually have encouraged him to try and work things out with his son and he realizes I won't be a part anymore. I have saved myself so much headache by seperating myself from his sons. I had been feeling so much conflict inside......feeling guilty and obligated but yet it was not in my heart to continue to lay down and be stomped on by all his sons' lack of respect. Neither parent wanted to step up to the parent plate and there was a lot of hurt all the way around.

I finally ended up in counseling and counselor told me to have absolutely nothing more to do with his sons, that their issues were about their mom's abandonment and the problems between the parents, yet the boys were blaming me for everything wrong (easy target) so I stopped putting myself out there to be the target of their anger. Not sure they realize that, and quite honestly I don't think they care.

I wish you the best with this!

Your issue is the same thing that I'm afraid that will happen in the future with my husband. My SD 19 (whom I have raised since she was 6)has been a complete little witch most of my married life. It all came down to her lying constantly, stealing and disrespecting us in our home. She got into a huge fight with us over her lying (yet again) and moved out over a year ago and drug us through the mud to everybody. She has been an even bigger witch since then. She cant tell the truth to save her life and has turned herself into trailer trash. I have come to the point where I cant even stand to look at her. My husband claims that he is just as angry with her but he acts like she is his best friend whenever she stops over or calls. I think he is still holding out hope that she will turn around where as I know that is never going to happen. How can this marriage work out with my husband having a relationship with her and not me? When she has children I dont think I am going to be able to stand the thought of my husband being a grandpa. He seems to think that he can maintain his homelife with me and our 10 yr old son and still manage to have some sort of relationship with her and keep both things totally separate. She has been so awful and hurt my feelings so much that I can never see having any kind of relationship with her again and at the same time I resent my husband for having anything to do with the little witch and feel betrayed by him.
Does anybody have any advice for how to make this work or stories on how this situation has been for you?

No, because it's not your grandchild. You can bet when the grandchild is old enough, SD will tell the child you are NOT it's grandmother. I would send a congrats card and that's all she would ever get from me.

I sure wasn't when my DH became a grandpa from his oldest.....I thought...oh the poor baby. I still think that. But I have no attachment to his grandchild. His son doesn't even pay child support (let alone have a job) and does not even see his son. Dead beat. Loser.