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DH spending time with ex, her DS and SS

confusedsm11's picture

DH has custody of SS4 on Thursday until 7:30 when the then takes him to BM. BM signed her DD up for soccer on Thursdays so now when DH drops off, it is at the soccer field. At first I was annoyed bc every time she signs DD up for something, she expects my DH to adapt to it like it was his kid. Well, now every Thursday when he goes to the field, he says BM seems preoccupied and doesn't feel comfortable leaving SS4 so he stays. But he doesn't just stay. He tells me how HER DD5 comes running up to him and giving him these huge hugs, etc. It makes me feel good that she still enjoys seeming him but it bothers me. Why should he stay there pretending to be some big happy family? I told him BM should change custody so that he gets dropped off later and he said he doesn't mind going and spending that time. I said well I DO! DD of BM is so sweet and pretty, very polite. She used to come here on SS4 Thursday visits until BM found out about our engagement and stopped her visits asap. I don't know. Am I being silly for being upset? I know he had a connection with this little girl BUT that is in the past and she is not apart of OUR family, I know she is SS sister BUT I would never expect BM to acknowledge our DS together bc he is SS brother, right? I also know DH doesn't feel like he gets enough time with SS alone so maybe the extra time at the field is giving him some of that time? I dont know but just the thought of my DH out standing next to BM at the field, huggin her daughter and chatting away makes me angry. I don't know what I'm going to do when it is SS in sports and DH is at every single thing with BM. I guess I should just accept that my DH would do anything for the conveience of his "prior" family even though I didn't see him at all yesterday (I came home when he was taking SS home), then he stayed at hte field and wasn't home until after 8pm.

alwaysanxious's picture

Remind him that he is not in a relationship with her anymore. Ask him how serious he is about you. Because if he's not you have better things to do. How weird is it that she had visitation with her other daughter that isn't his???

I wouldn't let it happen.

confusedsm11's picture

I used to think it was weird too and was relieved that the visits stopped but he did it for BM convenience and bc he had formed a relationship with her DD. We are married with our own DS now so he better be serious about me Wink lol. If we send SS home with a snack or whatever, we make sure to send something for her DD too and BM does the same, if she sends SS with a snack or something, she will usually send something for my DD. But beyond common curtisy, I don't feel like he needs a relationship with her DD. We still have pics, artwork, etc around here that was her DD and he says he wants to keep it to basically show SS bc its still his sister but its from a relationship that I wasn't involved in adn I don't think its relevant any longer.