My boys. I love them even though they aren't mine.
I guess perhaps what led me to this forum is because I am at a loss for who else to turn to. I know my friends and family are tired of listening to me complain about it, but my kids deserve better. My stepsons' mother neglects them. She puts them in clothes that are so small, they have to walk crooked bc of the wedgie. They are three and four, not talking and not potty trained. I sent them home last summer going in the potty and using sign language. We pay 60% of my husband's paycheck to this witch and she can't even be bothered to get my youngest son the eye surgery he needs. Or to pay her rent. She got evicted. And got her car repoed. She makes as much as we do before child support is taken out and we have to pay for all five of us on 40% of his pay check during the summer because she'd rather see her sons starve before she sees us helped.
I just need someone to talk to about this. We don't have the money for a lawyer and we live in GA, and she and the kids reside in NY. We only see them two months during the summer and miss them desperately throughout the rest of the year. I love my boys like they are mine. I love them every bit as much as I love my biological daughter. Which occasionally makes me feel guilty, but they deserve a mommy who thinks more about them than she does herself. I have known and been exposed to these boys since they were six months and 1 1/2, so I'm wondering if they will grow to hate me. Does anyone have any experience raising younger stepchildren when a bitter (that's the understatement of the year) exwife is involved? My husband is wonderful, with me and the kids. He backs me up and spends as much time as he can with each of his children. We try to give them each "me" days with each of us. Just pray for us.
I definitely will. All I can
I definitely will.
All I can do is recommend that you build a huge paper trail on BM (the ex-wife). Call CPS if you think it's necessary (or have your husband do so). They are, by law, required to look into every case they're called about. Take pictures of the kids when they first arrive at your house. Call an attorney and see if DH can record his conversations with BM. Save every email and text to and from her and print them off for court. If you don't have a court order/parenting plan, save up some $$$, get one and haul her off to court every single time she violates it. After she violates it a few times, go for custody of these kids. Get it in the court order that DH can have, say, four phone calls with the kids a week at 6:00 PM on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Get the court order to clearly outline what punishments she will face for violating it if you can.
Will the boys grow to hate you? I don't know. Hopefully everything will work out for you, DH and the kids in the end.
As far as BM goes, I can certainly understand being bitter about a relationship ending and towards an ex, but I can't understand taking it out on the kids.
Also, please check this website out. I hope it can help you:
http://www.nationalfamilysolutions.com/fathers-rights/?gclid=CIjh47a5nag...
Many prayers coming your way!
Exactly! Listen to Anon! She
Exactly! Listen to Anon! She will give you an ear and she is full of helpful advice.
Thank you. I had no idea that
Thank you. I had no idea that you could have a court ordered parenting plan. I will have to look into that and the cost of it. My husband gets severance for geting out of the Corps June 2, and we want to use that money for a lawyer, but we don't want to waste the money if we're fighting a losing battle. CPS has already been called. Three counties are now involved. My oldest busted his head open last Saturday because of lack of supervision in my opinion... No one can give us a straight answer about what happened and I just can't see a fall from a regular twin sized bed doing that to a child. It hurts because we can't be there with him, or for him. He can't speak, but he cries when he realizes we're taking him back to mommy at the end of the summer. I will never forget the look on his face or the tears. Last sign I taught him was "I love you".
And I understand she's angry. My husband was never really "good" or "faithful" to her and she blames me for him leaving. He had already made that decision before he met me, and I may always blame myself, but he is ultimately the one who chose the divorce. And walking in her house afterwards to clean it, I can understand why. Having two young children is difficult, but if I can make time to clean when all three, she can make time to clean with two. I respect her for raising such young children by herself. But I don't respect her at ALL for the way she treats them. Or for her lazy neglect. There are things more important than ones self... your children, for example. I'm angry and frustrated constantly and if my husband and I weren't so close, it would have already torn us apart. I'm not a depressed person, but after we lose the boys each summer, I go into such a deep depression that is takes at least six months to come out of it, and even then, the meer mention of their maltreatment sends me back over the edge. I'm a better parent even to my daughter when the boys are here. But honestly, I just want what is best for them. If their mother would just get her shit straight, I wouldn't dread sending them back. If I knew they were going to be happy and okay, it wouldn't kill me so much. But it's like a part of me dies when I lose them, because I know what they are going home to and I fear for their health and for their safety.