hahah i think this all the time! because im alot younger then my DH and i have always wondered what she has said about me or if she asks her kids..

because she got a new partner before my DH and i got together but he kept his distance treated the new BF with respect and didn't ask anything.. but as soon as i stepped on the scene she asked him pretty much for a full bio of me! including suburbs i lived in and hair and eye colour!! of course he told he some details but didnt feel the need to go into it it wasnt any of her business!

but i do, even now i wonder... mmmm do they go back and tell her what i look like or how i act.. talk about my at the playground! thankfully she hasn't met me and i have blocked her from social networking sites etc for her to see into my life

to be honest im sure they dont think about us half the amount of time we think about them!

bm basically traumatizes ss5 on the rare occasion that she asks for a visitation. he totally withdraws from me and calls me names for about 24 hours after he gets home. we're about to move for supervised visit., but really theres nothing to be done about it, she has legal rights and i dont, so here is how i like to think of it:
Haters
"so what she/he keeps talking about you and hating on you. What do you think a "hater's" job is..to hate. if u have someone hating on u right now u better think of how to get 5 more ppl hating by Christmas. You need haters to make you stronger..w/o haters most ppl wouldn't try to become better. Just tell them "b*tch u just hate me b/c u can't be me..." Kat Williams
LOL... gotta keep your sense of humor or you'll lose your mind in our line of work.

"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."

I know because my SD says things like, "you're so young" when she has no idea how old I am. If she speaks poorly of you, trust me the kids will unknowingly share it with you through little comments. After six years of marriage I ignore those comments because the issues are not mine.

Good luck to you.

It's funny BUT i just know! i can't explain how i know i just do!

The youngest one (12) gives it away as she comes round with an attitude and there is an atmosphere so i know something has been said!

Little things set it off like we will say we are going on holiday so we won't be able to see you for 2 weeks, well when they come round next time the youngest is very clingy to OH saying stuff like you will come back won't you and you do love us don't you - she wouldn't say these thing unless BM mentioned it!

And they say things that are WAY above their vocabulary or comprehension level. Sometimes its funny but it can really get in the way... Regardless, reacting to it is ALWAYS a bad idea as it gives the BM just the ammo that she wants and further hurts the child.

You simply exist.

This is an odd question...if you've never had any sense or reason to think things are being said, what would make you ask?

Generally speaking, any bio parent telling their kids anything harsh about their other parent or step-whatevers...would only be hurting their own child. Why put poison in their brains where it doesnt need to be? ya know? The kids just dont think of these things on their own (the really harsh things) and surely it would manifest in some way if it was happening. So you probably dont need to worry.

SD approached me with it. I was outside planting flowers & she (8 at the time) came out & asked if she could help. I said absolutely! She enjoyed spending time with me because we both enjoy crafts & flowers. She grabbed her garden gloves & rather than jumping right in the way she normally would, she just sat there. I asked if everything was okay, & she said yes. I said, "Do you not want to plant them?" She stalled for a minute & said, "Stormabruin...can I tell you something?" I said, "Of course! You can tell me anything!" She looked at the ground and we had the conversation as follows:

SD: "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but my momma doesn't like you much."

I could tell she was worried about me, so I said, "I know sweetie, but I don't want you to feel bad about that." She looked a bit relieved to know she wasn't telling me something I wasn't already aware of, & that it didn't make me mad. She said, "She calls you bad names. She calls you a swear word." I said, "I know she does." She continued with, "It starts with a B". I smiled at her & said, "I'm sure it does." She said, "I wish you & my momma could be friends." I said, "You know what? I wish we could be friends too. How about when your daddy takes you back to her, you tell her I said hello." You wouldn't believe how her face lit up...so glad that I was willing to extend that.

Of course, I knew it would grind BM, but I wanted SD to know that I wasn't the one acting out in anger & hate, & that I wasn't the one lashing out at BM. I wanted her to see that I can be civil toward BM even though SD had just told me how BM didn't like me.

I'm certain, if things are being said by BM, skids will mention it. If you don't get reports, don't worry about it. Really, even if you do get reports, it won't change what's being said.

My SS and SD shared some things the BM was saying about my DH. He was really upset. (I found it funny.) We were called bourgeoisie and the BM's BF said he can kick my DH butt. We usually here this stuff when its time for them to leave. As of lately, both kids cry when its time to go; before it was just the SS who would cry. I could be wrong, but I see it as an emotional play on my husband.

I know my BF's EX bad mouths me because one of his kids (pre teen) is down right rude to me. She gives me evil looks. Questions my clothing, hair and watches how my BF is loving towards me. Wont say hello to me in my own house. Is demanding instead of asking with a please. My BF's wife is a few years older, heavy and is not aging well. I am in my early forties. Since BM met me my BF's teen is more rude to me. It's worse when teen comes back from visiting BM. Now all my BF and I get is drama, drama and drama. Even thought she was living with a guy (he has recently kicked her out). My BF and I have to watch what we say because teen tell BM everything.

You know with the actions and things that the SKids say.

My SD will make comments to me that I know are way above what a child her age should comprehend. I have gotten to where I either just ignore it or if it is something really ugly (and this is always when DH is not present) I will bring it up in front of DH with SD and mirror her words that she has said to me. She usually gets a funny look on her face but will agree that she has said those things. I then just leave it at that and let my DH take it from there. At least I am not running to him and crying about it but taking care of it in a manner that it is out in the open with SD admitting to it.

I know that BD is badmouthing me much in the same way I know the Sun will come up in the East. It is an immutable fact of life.

My bf and I go to his kids ball games. The BM sits over on the opposite side of the field and yacks her jaws to other parents and points over to us. We just laugh because like someone else posted, she is the one doing all the horrible things. The kids have not grown enough to realize how she really is.
The thing is...she is yacking and pointing while their 14 year old daughter is sitting right there with her. So we know whatever it is she is saying, the daughter hears it. Daughter is not backward with me and usually speaks a little, even if its just "hi". I don't expect much out of her because I've only been dating her father since February and we haven't spent much time with his oldest daughter. Mainly because she doesn't like coming to his house. I think it has a lot to do with her age, but I also think the mom puts things in her head. Like "don't go to dad's because I will be left all alone", trying to make her feel bad.