i don't understand this..
my SD that is soon to be 16, that i have helped raise since she was 1 is now thinking about moving 250 miles to live with her dad..her mother and her are really close, and her biofater has never been in the picture until now..(he's always been in jail or rehab) we have a very nice home, she does not do without ever, she gets good grades, and she is pretty much a good teen..
so for the life of me i can't understand why she is thinking about moving in with the biofather that is a drug addict, alcoholic, and has no experience raising kids..my wife is afraid if she goes, she'll do something crazy that would effect the rest of her life in a negative way..
but for some step parents that have gone through this before, how/why does a kid in a good home all of the sudden want to make a move out of their house they have lived in so long to a almost complete strangers home..??
do you think it would do her some good to live with him for a while and let her make a decision on what is best for her..??
after being away from her mom, do you think she will begin to respect her mom more for all the things she does for her..??
i feel she is trying to find
i feel she is trying to find some closure. you say he hasnt been in her life much at all. maybe she is curious as to what her father is like. dont take it personally. she seems ike a great kid who just needs to fill some voids, and put all the pieces together.
as long as u know she will be safe, let her go.
No matter how awful a parent
No matter how awful a parent is, a child will always crave the love of that parent. They will yearn for a relationship with that parent. At her age, it is going to be extremely difficult to stop her. The best thing your wife can do is suggest she go spend the summer checking it out and see if that is what she really wants. She will almost certainly see the difference in the household and miss her mom and her normal life. I doubt she'll actually go through with it if she gets to taste the water.
thanks for the responses..
thanks for the responses.. being a step parent is alot more than i ever thought it would be..the first 14 years was easy..now every day seems like complications keep popping up..glad i found this place..!!
From what I have seen, this
From what I have seen, this is pretty common. Kids who have deadbeat, drunk, druggie or otherwise emotionally unavailable mothers/fathers go through this at one point. You might even see them actually identifying themselves with this parent for a short while. When they move in with this parent; there is a new-found "freedom". There are no rules, consistency or consequences to be held to. At that parents house anything goes. So initially this might seem very attractive to a 16 year old. In some ways they have to go through this experience in order to learn. It might be a very painful experience for both you and the SD, but eventually they will know the difference.
Does she speak to her father
Does she speak to her father often? Has she met him in person? Maybe she could go spend a couple of weeks with him. I can understand her wanting to know him if he has been absent. I'm sure she has wondered about him & I'm certain it will help her cope with issues she has faced in not having her birth father in her life, but it's a big move to make for a 16-year old girl just to go live with a man she doesn't know. I would suggest maybe just a visit at first to help her decide whether or not it really is something she wants to do.