Alot of us have these same problems, with our DH and Skid, it can stem from guilt that DH feels for the failed marriage or whatever. Guilt parenting.

I think your voice really needs to be heard, this behavior of your DH is only going to create a bigger monster SD. I know how it feel when the skid walks in the door and all of a sudden, your waiting in corner waiting for them to leave to get your DH back.

Talk to DH, let him become aware of his behavior.

let the games begin. SHe is not your biggest problem, he is. Its simple he is the only one that can let or not let this kind of behavior happen. Communication is key. In the mean time when I have difficult times like those...I disengage. THat means take care of me. I find things to do...go out with friends..just simply go about my business. LEt the men stay at home with skidlets and have all the fun of DDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAA commmmeeee hereeeeeeeeeeeee.

I can relate to the too close for comfort thing. Call it what you will, we had the same situation. My stepdaughter and my husband had been "a couple" for 10 years. Hubby didn't date much and devoted his entire life to his darling daughter. In many ways she's a sweet young woman, but still a woman who was offended by having her daddy taken away. That's hard to swallow. I'm the evil woman who stole her daddy. My husband has learned to adjust with the hope that his and my relationship will be one this his daughter will emulate with her future husband. If he treats me poorly, he can be assured that his daughter will settle for the same type of treatment. Unless Dad wants to continually be the hero in his daughter's life by bailing her out of bad relationships that he will be ensured that by treating his wife poorly. I get what guilt is all about. You are either guilty or not guilty. Its not a feeling. The feeling is shame over how they treated the former spouse. Men have a hard time with pride and admitting their mistakes. Pray for him and don't try to teach him. He'll resent you. Its much easier to be a hero to a kid that to a grown woman.

There is nothing normal about this situation. Im not sure what you SD's motivation is becasue I have never had to deal with a situation like this directly but I can tell you that if it happened in my home we would seek some serious counseling. I cant imagine this child growing into a healthy adult having such an unhealthy relationship with her father at this age.

With a SS16! Can you imagine?

I met DH when SS was 12 and he was clingy and hanging off his Father 24/7 emotionally stunted and stuck at age 4 by his BP's non-parenting (see some of my earlier posts as to how bad it was)-DH and I had many a heated discussion about this unhealthy dynamic that was going on (he was completely oblivious to the dynamic!).

At the time he had SS EOW and they were a "couple" who did everything together (thank goodness I did not have to put up with the sleeping together issue some SP's have to).

I basically told him that if he wanted a marriage to an adult that would be me, if not he could go back to keeping SS16 in this emotionally unhealthy situation ( I used the example of my grown sons-who were raised by me alone and I did not use them as my emotional crutch!) and reap what he sows by this crazy alliance.

It is not perfect as SS and DH were a "couple" longer than he and I have been-but it is getting better once the elephant was out of the closet so to speak.

SS16 really resents me as the wife as I have taken HIS place-but seriously, this teen needs to get a life outside of hanging off his father.

It will all depend on your SO's willingness to a)admit there is a problem
b)If they want their children to be emotionally whole as adults.

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

SD17 and H have an unnatural relationship also-if you think a 7 yr old sitting on "daddys" lap all the time, wait till you have to watch it with a 17 yr old!-almost 18! Talk about as the stomach turns.

I was just reading KK's post-her SD is 29, and it's still about SD & "Daddy".

These men have these strange attachments to nearly grown or grown daughters-

You might, if you're in a position to do so, get this nipped right now. Before you have to watch from the sidelines as your life as a wife passes by.

do you think that however creepy and unatural it is that these men (excluding our men on here) feel SAFE loving these kids as a partner?
that it is a safe love for them?
IDK maybe I am way off base on this but it just seems that there is some pattern some MO that has to tie this all together and maybe it could be that these men were so HURT by the biomom that they feel "safe" giving this love to the child and NOT safe loving a real partner the same way?
ok feel free to whack me with a stupid stick ..again!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I

These biodads just don't seem to understand that it's possible for them to show affection to both their children AND us when the kids are around. I can understand missing your kids when they're not there and wanting to show them attention when they are there visiting, but it's not fair to us SMs to be completely cast off.

My reasonable (IMHO) compromise is:

-skids each get 1 hour or so of alone time with dad- all kids need alone time with their parents. The SM can use that time to bond with the skid who isn't with their dad.
-SMs still get their date nights with their boyfriends/fiances/DHs when the skids are over- it shows the skids what a healthy adult romantic relationship is like
-the next day, everyone does a family activity-takes a day trip, goes for a walk, plays a game, etc.

This way EVERYONE gets attention and NOBODY feels neglected.

My SD had this weird relationship with my H for about the first 2 yrs we were together after that my H has withdrawn from SD almost completely.

He does not guilt parent and has made a complete turn around. It has worried me just a little that he wants such little to do with her now.

Your H may change over time, maybe not. When my H and I were dating I said when I get married I must be No 1 over anyone else. He said I will be No 1 over the children we will be a team. And he is true to his word about that. If we start to argue about SD he says "your my no 1 honey, what do you want me to do about it?" Music to my ears!!

Good luck to you. Ask your H straight out where you stand in his eyes.

Total Sigmond Fruedian issues. I know that both of them might have went through some things in the separation, however being that close is too much. At some point, girls need to be a little separated from their dads, sitting on laps need to be out the window. My SD9 now takes showers and her dad doesn't go in the bothroom, and she can't tramp around the house in a towel, she isn't little anymore - shes a growing lady and she needs to know the difference. As far as your relationship with your DH - I don't care who he was married to before - the wife is always #1, and if you are religious god is #1, wife #2, family #3.....so the fact that he is closer to his children than you is a receipe for disaster. Watch your back sister.

That happens when a parent substitutes emotional intimacy with a child for that with a spouse--happens often in troubled marriages when the adult confides inappropriately in the child, makes them feel responsible for the parent's wellbeing. Very damaging to children.