Been with my partner for 7 years. He has two kids, 19.5 yr old son, 17.5 yr old daughter. Son lives with us, daughter lives with Ex-wife. Kids used to go one week on, one off with each parent, but Ex-wife found it too hard and used to dump son back at BD's house (she had a KEY!) - so we'd be out, then we'd get in and find the son back there, or BOTH kids? Ex is very weak and won't even hold a conversation with me, clearly doesn't want me to be on good terms with her kids, particularly the daughter, who accuses me at every turn of rejecting her (e.g. I said no to her coming to stay one night in the week, because she is up until 4am crashing and banging round the house, and I didn't get any sleep, she threw her toys out the pram and ended up coming round anyway because she played the 'you're rejecting me' card to her Dad, and guess what, no sleep again! - in my own house that we co-own!)

I am not whiter than white, I have found it hard going, but until 6 months or so ago had maintained a very good relationship with my Step-son, who respected me and we had fun together. He won't visit his Mum at her house, so she texted my mobile and asked me if she could visit him in our house, in his room - which is over our garage and has its own door - and no, it wasn't my idea, the son is already socially lacking and I wanted him to be in the house with us as he has little or no contact with the outside, won't even go 300 yards to the shop to buy mints, gum or whatever and rings Daddy to bring him stuff back - which Daddy does, so son is incapable and controlling, basically - anyway, of course I said yes to her, I didn't want to come between Mother and son. My only condition was that she text me and let me know when she is coming.

Anyway, lately she has done everything she can NOT to tell me - she tells my partner, she is just trying to flout the rules. I did her a favour by letting her in the premises, even my partner said I had done her a kindness, but I got to the end of my rag with her stupid games and I texted her to say (nicely) 'can you let me know roughly what time you will be round as I am going to be about tomorrow, and remember you agreed you would let me know if you wanted to visit, so please text me directly' and I heard nothing - but she texted my partner "stop your woman sending me nasty text messages"! HOW DARE SHE try and get between my partner and I - but WORSE - it seems to be working? He said "why can't you just let it go" and I said "hang on, all was well while she was texting me ..." and when I said "I wish I'd said a complete 'NO' to her visiting" he said it wasn't up to me!!!!

Meanwhile, after a shaky start, I've been trying to build a bridge with my Step daughter, when basically I don't think she WANTS to be friends, and she doesn't WANT to visit her Dad ... she only comes down when she has no better offer (and will cancel at last minute if she does get one, which I think is bad manners) but of course it's easy for her to say "I don't feel welcome at your house" (the only restrictions I put on are, give us a little notice and try and stick to the weekends and please accept without any drama that if we're busy we're busy, like you are, and it's not a personal sleight". Anyway, evil ex-wife showed her the text message from me. Which daughter forwarded to 'Daddy' saying 'Mum's upset because J sent her this text message' - HANG ON, what is BM doing involving daughter, apart from making trouble and getting between not only me and partner, but SD and I?

What can I do? Partner doesn't know that I know ... but partner says the reason daughter and I don't get on is entirely down to me - refuses to see that I've been emailing/texting daughter regularly, have taken her out on numerous occasions, but she deliberately doesn't play ball, and then sits up at her Mother's house saying "I don't feel welcome" when the truth is, she has better things to do with her time anyway. And ex is still texting partner with 'xxx' at the end of the messages and stinging him for money ...

HELP!!!!!