Those who have spent time in the trenches of Step He!!... From anyone else I just get s*** about "Well that's just how it is." Or "Well she did come first." Or "Well since she's the mom she can treat the girls how she wants." Or "Don't say anything to DH, or you'll be 'that' stepmom/second-wife."

Only one out of those who haven't been in the trenches of Step He!! that I trust with advice is my dad... He very much so agrees that I should be the top priority in DH's life and that we need to function as a partnership and he should NEVER listen to BM's sob stories for any reason or let her push us around. That being said, I still run here first. LMAO

I find anyone who hasn't experienced life as a stepfamily cannot fathom it at all. My stepdaughter is 5 and lives with us full-time, so I'm always getting "she's just a little girl" and the likes, which of course is true and I understand that. I fully, completely get that she's just a kid and she didn't choose this. But it doesn't mean I can't get frustrated about it. It's biological. It's NOT natural to raise someone else's kid and do everything for them without that unconditional love.

When you give birth/have a child, something happens that makes everything you do rewarding. I know this for a fact now. I have no problem getting up every 2 hours with my newborn, but if SD wakes up and makes noise at 3 am, it drives me nuts. It's because I'm not wired to respond to her. Just like I have no problem cuddling and kissing on my newborn, but when SD asks for a hug, sometimes my skin crawls. Again, not wired for affection with someone else's child.

It's just different. And anyone who hasn't been involved in steplife can't seem to get it. It sucks because of course I'm always going to treat SD well and fair, but being expected to be motherly to someone who has a mother is hard and I can't vent to anyone in real life about it.

I guess humans are the only ones who are expected to play nice with the off-spring of others. I sometimes long for Animal Planet or Nature Channel: you can shove other chicks out of the nest or eat the young...

My personal experience: people who have not experienced step life don't have a f^%#ing clue!!

Surely this isn't a serious question, because the answer is too obvious! People who haven't been through it can't understand it.

I don't have a clue because I haven't experienced the problems yet. My friends who are SMs often suggest I run for the hills before it's too late. But I guess you have to learn some lessons on your own.

The seasoned stepparent of course! I do not know any other step parents.

Like we have all said - non step parents DO NOT get it! Bio parents DO NOT get it!

I do not talk with my friends who have never experienced it.
They would give me puzzled looks and ask, "Well, why don't you just do it?" (referring to me disciplining, setting rules, boundaries, etc.) They just didn't get it.

I did talk with a co-worker who I found out had two SSs, just out of the house. Lots of similar experiences. She could TALK and give good advice and support me. Unfortunately, she just left our workplace.

Another co-worker has custody of her SD14 - her ex is a certified crazy man so she got custody so she has it worse than I do. She has to deal with SD and her ex and her ex and BS.

And another co-worker has a son, and is with a great guy. BUT he's a step-DAD. And gets lots of leeway from her and is allowed to parent. She just posted a holiday picture of her, son and her partner and I'm like, that's NOT reality for most of us. She sort of gets it, sort of not.

My sister didn't quite get it until her friend, a single mother with a son, explained it and now she's 100% on board. My parents, don't ask, don't tell is my policy. They still don't understand a basic custody agreement.

ST is the only place I can look at all viewpoints on various topics to make sure I'm not crazy. Though I already had a daughter when I became an SM, I had NO IDEA what fresh hell was in store for me. If it wasn't for ST and all the wonderful folks on here, I would have started chasing people around with sharp pointy objects long ago.

Conversely, SO has a male friend with no step-kids that he likes to 'share feelz' with. Male friend now thinks I'm kinda evil because I object to cooking, cleaning and serving other people's kids for 6 hours a day while skids and SO lie in bed. For the record, I take him calling me evil as a compliment! }:)

I would trust Curious Georgetta's advice, after all she is a therapist

I don't post often, but read everyday, and the advice given here is the only advice that I take to heart. As everyone has said, you don't have a clue unless you've been there and I don't know anyone in real life close enough to talk about my step family issues.

I have been a stepchild and stepmother, I had a stepfather and a stepmother. I have quite a bit of experience in the step family department and the various relationships. Yet, my "wonderful" MIL thinks she's knows all and her advice and how she thinks things should be is correct. MIL has been married to FIL for 30 years, her parents are still married, FIL's parents are still married. She has NO experience in step life! I've finally gotten to where I have little contact with her and when I do I just ignore.

Only a step parent knows the feeling......

Those that have spent time in the trenches of step hell, mostly. There have been a couple rare nutjobs who just don’t get it, though.

In the beginning, I mistakenly thought my MIL would be a good source of support and advice, since FIL had two teenage girls from a previous marriage. Oh boy, was I wrong. The first and only couple times I expressed my grievances, I was met with a “Well, skid comes first. Always will. Get used to it.”

Yeah, that’s a BIG nope, lady.

I have been an SD for over 4 decades. I am also a BM. When I married my DH, whose two daughter were ADULTS when their parents divorced, I thought it would be a piece of cake. I had so much step experience already, right? DH and I are both nice, reasonable people, right? His kids were adults, so why would they be jealous when they had busy lives?

Well, I didn't know then how they were raised to love drama by their mother. I didn't know that DH was Chump Daddy and BM did all the parenting, which wasn't a good thing. I didn't know what relational aggression was until I found this site. I did not know OSD's main goal in life, and she will tell you this, is to manipulate people to get her way. It's a game she loves to win, and she warned me ahead of time she always got her way.

On this site I encountered other SMs of adult princesses with daddy's who were scared of their daughters. They really made a lot of sense to me. My mom also has been an SM for decades. She pointed things out to me that OSD was doing before I was even aware, because I still held onto to the blended family dream.

I've been fortunate enough to have a counselor, not an SM herself, who got it, because she felt everyone was entitled to respect, even we lowly SMs!

I had a friend act as though I should put up with anything from DH's adult child, just because it's his child. Really? Who else should we allow to drive a wedge in our marriage? Why is it ok for an adult SD to slam me to daddy with things I never did, calling me names, making up stories, trying to sabotage our vacations, trying to convince him I was abusing him and he should move to her city, in hopes he will get divorced to make his helpless adult child happy?

We SMs understood that our DHs love their children. Some of us have bios and we get it. But I did not sign up to be Sacrificial Lamb to a middle-aged histrionic Princess who needs a heck of a lot of counseling herself to deal with the fact that the world does not revolve around her, her daddy's life does not revolve around her now that she is an adult, and her father has the right to be happy with a woman who is not her mother.