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I guess I'll never learn

I love dogs's picture

My parents throw a huge fall party every year and it's tonight. I am picking DH up from work and we're going there together. DH texts and asks if I'll pick SD up. It's not his weekend but I guess he worked something out with BM. I don't want to be alone with her but I say ok to help him out since he's really busy today.

I text BM and tell her I'm leaving soon and ask if SD is ready. No reply. About 10 minutes later I get a call from BM's phone. It's SD. This is how it goes:

Me: "Hey SD, your dad said I can pick you up for my dad's party. Are you ready?"

SD: "Umm I don't know.. I won't know anybody there."

Me: "I invited my friends and their 13yo daughter, you'll like her."

SD: "I dunno."

Me: "Well you need to call your dad and tell him you don't want to come because I'm almost ready to leave."

I call DH after 10 more minutes and he is pretty annoyed on top of being busy. He knows SD would rather sit on her tablet than actually socialize with real people and kids her age. He told SD she better make up her mind because I'm ready to go. She said "well BM usually has a lot of plans."

Well then why in the world did BM tell DH that she can go and I can pick her up?! What is wrong with these people? And BM had SD call me instead of calling me herself or calling DH?? I'm done. So done.

UPDATE: DH texts me and asks me to get SD because "she'll be ok". I am beyond frustrated.

Comments

lintini's picture

Oh Jesus. So typical. At least you didn't get to her house and have her change her mind! Now you know not to offer to get her again.

Don't do it......

I love dogs's picture

I didn't offer I just wanted to help DH out but now I'm just annoyed at the back and forth.

lintini's picture

I worded it wrong, I meant to agree to get her.

Dh tries that on me too when he's at his monthly golf tournament when he needs to pick SS up from school. I'm like no sorry, DD1 and I are at gymboree. His T time always gets pushed back so he can't get SS on time. I guess he was 45 min late picking up SS16 and he was pisssssed. Lol.

Hang in there and have fun at the party.

I love dogs's picture

Shouldn't a 16 year old be able to take the bus or catch a ride home? Or be driving?

Ugh I honestly hope that she just stops coming around all together. My life would be so much easier. I would never say that out loud of course.

lintini's picture

I really hope once he does start driving he will want to run around with friends after school and not drive 45+ minutes to dad's house. DH's days off are weekdays and he works graves so it's really fun dealing with the drive to school with a wacky sleep schedule.

He didn't come over in August after being caught lying about a concert. Concert was evacuated due to a bomb threat. I blogged about it, he threw a fit at DD1s bday party. So frustrating.

strugglingSM's picture

BM's always have the kids call when they don't want to live up to what they agreed to...they figure that their ex won't yell at the kid. What bothers me the most about these types of scenarios is that usually the kid isn't told that what they're doing is rude.

Also, your DH needs to manage his own family drama, not push it off on you.

In my case, DH's family loves to plan things on weekends that are not DH's and then expect that the kids will be able to attend. On more than one occasion, MIL has called BM to ask if it was ok if the kids attend whatever event, which of course, BM says yes and then MIL expects DH to manage the logistics of it. Not sure if MIL knows and doesn't care or just doesn't know that every time she does this, it becomes a big fat drama fest for BM. Either BM frames it as she's doing DH a big favor or is nit-picky about pick up and drop off or some other thing, but really, it's not worth the drama to have the kids there most of the time. I don't usually have to deal with it, but if I ever said anything to MIL about how including the kids in weekends that are not DH's causes unnecessary drama, then I'd just be trying to exclude the kids in her mind. Ugh, it drives me nuts!

twoviewpoints's picture

I don't blame BM for having the kid call the kid's self. It's not a case of BM saying 'no' or BM having real or fake plans, it's a case of the kid didn't want to go...and IMO, the kid's place to tell her father and you that kid doesn't want to go. Or to ask question of Dad/SM as to who will be there for her to interact with blah blah.

If it had been Dad's time, Bm can just tell kid to suck it up , get ready and ILDogs will be here in x minutes. This event was optional and it's Dad's problem to have to beg, force, demand kid go.

It can go both ways. You may be sorry you included her in the invite. She may not be nice to the 13yr old teen who will also be present. She might sit there with her phone in her face and text with one of her own friends or play on the internet. She may be a nasty rude little snot. Or she may be really happy she decided to go , have a great time and perhaps make a new potential friend.

A Fall Party sounds fun. Bound to be good food and a pleasant evening outside enjoying the weather if nothing else. I hope she behaves.

Acratopotes's picture

I hope you learned through this.... if you have something on a non-skid week-end and DH wants you to pick SD up, smile and say friendly, No Hon I will not have time, you can deal with it.

Over and done, or simply say, no this is BM's week-end. I did not RSVP for 3 people only for 2.

DH is already showing signs off, if his daughter can't go he does not want to go, cause as a parent you are not allowed to have a life or do anything if your child is not there... stop this immediately