Step-daughter and stupid questions
My soon to be SD forces me into hiding. I'm a late sleeper...she wakes up at 7AM everyday and it is without fail that she comes knocking on our door to ask "Can I have some water?". She knows there is no need to ask for it, but does anyway. I think it's for attention, but I can not be sure. As I type this, I'm on the toilet. The only place where I can escape. Even though, she still manages to knock on the bathroom door if she wants to bother me bad enough. Her father and I have told her time again to not wake us up unless someone is bleeding or dying. It does not stop her. If we sit down to watch a movie that she has seen many times before, she will ask me the most unrelated, foolish questions ever and I want to respond in a mean way, but manage to say "just watch the movie." At times she will come into my room when I'm trying to relax and she just stands there and stares. It's annoying and creepy. I ask what she needs and she shrugs. I know she wants attention, but she can't have it 24-7. I don't really like her and it causes problems in my relationship because she is his babygirl. He says that my punishments are too cruel. I believe that making them clean their room and do chores is not cruel. I do arts and crafts with them, play teacher, and teach them to cook...it's not like I neglect them. I also have Rhumatoid Arthritus and Lupus, so I need more sleep and less stress to function properly. How do I get her to stop being so clingy and annoying?
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He should do more, but for
He should do more, but for years he was not held to certain expectations. His baby mamma never spends time with them and when she does she just yells at them so I don't want that to be thier lives. I want them to enjoy life. He just isn't the creative and engaging type that I am..How do I get him to step up?
You're 22yrs old. Why is this
You're 22yrs old. Why is this your life?
Life I too short and precious to spend your young adult years hiding from a nine year old.
I did those things when I was
I did those things when I was 18. My dream is to be a mother and I can't have my own because of health reasons. I fell in love with him and wanted to give them a better life. I just didn't imagine it being this hard.
"I did those things when I
"I did those things when I was 18. "
Not sure what you mean by this. What did you do at age 18? What could you possibly have done in one year of your life to compensate spending the rest of your life hiding away in the bathroom to escape a child who you admittedly say you don't really like?
Sorry that was directed at a
Sorry that was directed at a different comment, but still applies. I went out and had the time of my life when I was younger. I have no desire to go party and do childish things.
I don't think anyone's
I don't think anyone's telling you to go out party and be crazy. The thing is that these are older children whom you are not being given any authority to actually parent. I understand that we're getting on a tiny sliver and no nothing's ever going to be easy but it feels like your not getting a true chance to enjoy life. If your partner doesn't let you parent but wont parent himself then you need to get out of there. There is a difference between helping and being held hostage in your own home. Being basically a servant with no rights.
Trust me alot of people don't agree with how much I'm doing when it comes to helping my SO with his kids but a major difference is my SO supports me. He is the boss but if I tell him something has to change he listens to me. Your letting a 9 year old run your life and you SO doesn't seem to care.
If my SO is not home he expects me to handle things. If I tell the kids something my word is law just like his. If I'm with them and I say no movie for whatever reason that means no movie even if dad comes home 5 minutes later. If I tell them to clean, he's not coming up behind me telling them it doesn't matter or telling me that they don't have to.
It doesn't feel like your a parent in this situation. Sure your getting to do all the nice fun stuff. Art projects and teaching them is great but if your not allowed to expect help with chores your not a parent. Your a nanny. He doesn't seem to respect your input.
Go find someone closer to your age. Maybe even with a small child. But make sure they respect your input as an actual parent because right now unless there's some magical act I don't see any change.
Either that or disengage but I don't think you'd be happy doing that.
He is. He sleeps late too. He
He is. He sleeps late too. He tells her to stop coming to our door too, but she is persistant. Like she doesn't care.
Then he needs to get his butt
Then he needs to get his butt up out the bed and parent. What kindnof craziness is this???
Yes, you're right.
Yes, you're right.
I chose this life, I just
I chose this life, I just didn't know how hard it would be..I wanted it because I can't have kids of my own.
You can still have kids of
You can still have kids of your own (adoption).
Making the choice to stay with a man who won't parent and doesn't give a damn how that impacts your health is nuts.
He does care, he just doesn't
He does care, he just doesn't think about that in the moment.
BM sees her maybe every other
BM sees her maybe every other weekend, but cancels alot. When she does get her, she yells and cusses and smokes cigarettes around her and talks $hit about us to her. BD loves her and I both, he just can be lazy.
I'm not in a possition to
I'm not in a possition to leave...I don't have the means to do so.
I have lost all my strength
I have lost all my strength and motivation....how do I get it back? Because of my illnesses I really have changed for the worst and I have tried to be positive, but it is hard when you can no longer do the things I could just a few short years ago. I can't get out of bed in the morning without my meds first, I can't smoke or drink to ease the suffering in fear of it killing me faster, I can't even realte to people my age because they don't understand why I can't stay out more than a couple hours before rushing home to take a nap. Friends don't want to hang out with people like this. I want to be young and carefree, but I care too much to do so.
I have a full time job, I
I have a full time job, I have some college hours, I have a savings account with some stocked away. I do call family, but the only one who understands is my mom because I inherited the diseases from her. I don't want to stress her out more by worrying about me though.
Normally I don't agree with
Normally I don't agree with people who ask why you are doing something but for once I do question. At 22 with a 9 year old that's just a bit over the top. I mean you were 13 when she was born. You need to really consider if this is the life you want for yourself.
You've stated you have major health issues on top of it. If something doesn't change its going to wear you down.
My SO's 4 year old does some of the same stuff your explaining but he's 4 and we're working on it. Both children know the bathroom is off limits if someone is in there. Someone had better be dying or your about to pee your pants (we only have one restroom). Otherwise no one's gonna be happy. Our bedroom is also our privet space. 7 year old only comes in if she absolutely needs something or if the door is wide open. The 4 year old's a bit more like yours but his dad is working at that. Again he's 4 so he's learning.
If your SO isn't backing you on this stuff then your up a creek. You only have as much ground as he gives you. If he doesn't back you on them cleaning up and doing chores then your only setting yourself up for disagreements in the future.
You need to have a meeting with him. Lay out what HAS to change. Let him know what is NOT ok. Kids room being a mess not your problem but kids waking you up at 7:30 for nothing problem. Either he fixes it or you need to consider leaving. Again focus on stuff that must change for you to be able to live in your home.
Geez..that would drive me
Geez..that would drive me bonkers. Next time she does it, I'd boot DH out of bed to go tend to her. As in roll over, place foot on his ass..and push until he falls off the bed. This is HIS problem - not yours.
She's 9 and she can't keep
She's 9 and she can't keep herself busy until he wakes up? He needs to get a handle on that - immediately. My SD is 5 and she's been doing her own thing in the morning since 4 years old. She gets up, goes to get a snack and turns on cartoons until we're up an hour or so later. If she needs something, her father gets up with her and takes care of it. He knows I'm young and have no desire to be hassled to wake up at 8am on a weekend until I have bios of my own. And I, like you, am a fairly involved stepparent... but when it comes to boundaries, I've set them. He knows what I will and won't be happy to take part in. Early mornings are a big NO for me lol!
Quite honestly, he should be happy with any amount of help you're willing to give when it comes to parenting, and he should happily make sure the parts you don't want to help with are handled so it's not a nuisance to you. That's the only way to successfully have a "blended" family. No person should feel put out all the time because their partner has a child. That's not fair at all.