DH Switching Shifts and Resentment
DH is wanting to switch jobs/departments at work. He currently works a regular 8-5, but he hates his manager and a lot of the job. He is considering switching to another department, but would have to work from 5:15am-2:00pm.
I understand why he wants to switch, but he’s worked that shift before and he was miserable, tired and grumpy constantly due to being a night person. I have reminded him of this and then just stated that I guess he needs to “pick his misery”.
If DH takes this shift he won’t be able to take SS7 to school on Monday, Tuesdays and Wednesdays every week, as those are his days to take him. I’ve told DH before that I will not ever be taking SS to school unless it’s an emergency situation.
Reason being is that all 3 of our children go to different schools and SS is the farthest away and not in our district, therefore he cannot ride the bus. I currently take my 2 girls to school and they ride the bus home, SS stays in the after school program until I or MIL can pick him up. If I took SS to school on those days, I would have to get up 30 minutes earlier, rearrange all of our morning routines, get my kids on the bus by 7:00am, then leave 20 minutes earlier than I normally do so I can go out of my way to get SS to school and for me to make it to work by 8:00am. I would also lose the small amount of time with my girls on those morning drives to school. I should also add that I am not a morning person either!
My question, am I being selfish for refusing to take SS or is DH selfish for thinking I should?
I also want to add that I am constantly rearranging my schedule to fit DH’s needs and doing things for him and SS. I already pick him up from school every Monday while my kids are home alone waiting on me to get there and I occasionally pick him up on Tuesdays when MIL can’t, not to mention the hundreds of other times I’ve went out of my way for them. I’m afraid if I agree to do that for him I will be so resentful for it that I will just snap. I already feel resentful for how much I do for him and how little I seem to get in return.
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It's not second shift, he'd
It's not second shift, he'd have to be at work at 5:15AM and would get off at 2:00PM. So there's no way he can personally take SS to school himself on that shift.
I don't think so because 1) I
I don't think so because 1) I hate getting up early so that's a big part of it, ha and 2) I would almost guarantee that DH would still expect me to pick SS up from school in addition to taking him in the mornings, because he will already be home by the time school lets out and I will be in town still at work, where it would be a 10 minute drive for me to SS school from my work, it would be a 30 minute drive for him from home(one way). (We live in a very large county where it takes about an hour just to drive from one side to the other.)
Not selfish at all.
Not selfish at all.
I don't think it is selfish.
I don't think it is selfish. I am going through something similar so I understand. Sometimes you have to put your foot down.
He could, but as I stated in
He could, but as I stated in an earlier post he would probably still expect me to pick SS up in addition to taking him due to the driving distances.
Cook dinner??!! Ha, I needed a laugh! That would never happen. I do have to say that I actually like to cook though so it doesn't bother me that he doesn't, but he also would not do the cleanup or anything else to help out. Partial reason of why I already have resentment and feeling like I do too much already.
Unfortunately I've been
Unfortunately I've been asking myself that a lot lately
Thank you for everyone's
Thank you for everyone's responses. I feel better knowing others agree with my position and that I'm not being too selfish.
That's not selfish, that's
That's not selfish, that's self preservation. And to be honest, it's not fair of your DH to expect you to do this! It's his kid and if you weren't around, he wouldn't have the choice of different hours, or he'd have to find someone else (MIL, BM) to step up. I agree that you will find yourself resentful if you agree to this and eventually will tell DH to screw off and figure it out. Better to do that from the get go.
No need to wonder about this
No need to wonder about this or break your head over it, nor to stress about it...
simply tell DH - well you will have to make a plan with SS, I'm can't help you in the mornings, either SS stays with BM or you make an alternative plan.
I would tell DH - you are not an 18 year old teen anymore... deal with the manager and grow up, stop changing because you are not happy with management, find another job or look at your own attitude...