Am I being used??
I am a new step mom and add grandma to that. My children are still in school. My step children are adults. I I have started keeping 3 of the grandkids back in September. The youngest just turned 5 months a 3 year old and the oldest is 8 but is special needs(has to be fed, and given medication). My step daughter and son in law both work. They pay me 500$ a month to come to their house. They never have food in the house that's nutritional. When I suggest something it's like they don't listen. The 3 year old has only gained a pound in a year. I watch them 3 days a week. Last week the son in law had to go to Wisconsin for some training. So the step daughter works 12 hour day and an hour drive one way. They never asked me if I would work extra they just assume. She will make schedule changes at here job and then she tells me a day before hand that she needs me to watch them on another day. I have other things to do and it seems like everything is supposed to revolve around them. Am I being over dramatic Oran I being used?
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They can only use you as much
They can only use you as much as you let them.
I'm a giver..
I'm a giver..
Oldest should be in school.
Oldest should be in school. There are special.need classes and buses. School bus should be picking her up and bringing her home. She should not be with you all day.
You are being taken advantage
You are being taken advantage of and they are getting a bargain.
Speak up for yourself and let your step daughter know how much notice you will need for schedule changes and what the extra charge will be if you watch the kids more than originally agreed upon.
My husband thought we needed
My husband thought we needed to watch them for free because of the grandparent thing. They acted like 500$ was too much. They make great money and house is paid for. It just makes me wanna cry sometimes.
Ah, so you have a husband
Ah, so you have a husband problem, as well.
This is beyond spending time with the grand kids so the parents can have Saturday date night. Not to mention, you are the one watching them, not your husband, no?
No way in hell would I have let my husband sign me up for this. Not that he would have tried.
It sounds like they can
It sounds like they can afford daycare then. If you want to stop altogether give them a couple of weeks notice and then stop. Or if you are happy to continue on more reasonable terms work out what you need and present it to them. Right now you are working for well less than minimum wage plus supplying nutritious food and have no control over the hours. Tell them that to continue you require x amount and will only work y hours a month and need at least 7 days notice of any irregular hours. If they don't agree, stop helping them. If your husband complains tell him he is welcome to take your place and watch his grandkids.
Why doesn't he watch them for
Why doesn't he watch them for free?
The only reason I am
The only reason I am concerned about the food is they think hot dogs and chips are fine. No fruit no veggies. The 3 year old is in the 14% for her age. You go to their pantry and oreos, dingdongs, Swiss rolls. Etc... I've brought stuff with me to feed them. I agreed to watch the children Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday's I get here about 5:45am and stay till son in law got home about 4:30pm. Now he took another job and is working later. Last week he had to go to training and I stayed till 8:00pm when step daughter got home. They don't ask me they ask my husband. Plus he cooked and brought healthy food. My husband just says they are just kids and stuff like that. She even asks me to start laundry. Ugh
You're not being over
You're not being over dramatic nor are particularly being used. At least not more so than you have been quite willing to be used.
The parents do need to be talking to you. Your DH is not the one doing the task here, You are. It takes you away from your own home, your own children and anything that you'd rather be doing. You agreed to Monday-Wednesday and anything beyond that should be discussed with you...even if it's during one of those agreed days (such as overtime).
You have every right to say no. They aren't going to find another sitter for $500 a month with that schedule and want of flexibility. They both know that. If you haven't spoken up though, they may believe you are totally find with what's been happening. Extra time during the day and/or additional days beyond agreed to M-W should come with additional pay (these are working people, they know that when one works longer/more there is additional compensation).
I 'get' the food thing. You're stuck over there from 5:45am until usually 4:00pm. Do you want ding-dongs and chips all day? Yet you can't go out for lunch nor can you really bring your own lunch unless you bring for the two older children also. All extra expense and would come out of your $500. However if you were eating out and//or eating at home M-W that too would be out of your pocket. I think , for me, the hardest part there would be watching/feeding little kids nothing but junk by my hand. It's one thing that parents let their kids eat junk. it's another to be the one handing it all over to the kids. Are the parents open to discussing meals for the children without being offended and/or filling you're overstepping?
Offended if I try to imply
Offended if I try to imply that they need to rethink the food. The oldest child has severe cerebral palsy doesn't talk. It's hard to feed her. Plus she's medicated. I worked pharmacy for 18 years but medicating someone else's child other than my own worries me.
Tell your DH to watch the
Tell your DH to watch the grandkids. I'd be done.
Yes, I'd be done with this
Yes, I'd be done with this crap. Give them a 30 day notice so they have time to find another babysitter, housekeeper and doormat.
Of course you are being used.
Of course you are being used. Now what are you going to do about it?
The oldest is 8 she has
The oldest is 8 she has cerebral palsy. SD had her when she was 16. Her husband had a daughter from previous relationship she just turned 3 today. They keep her all the time. Now there is the baby. She just turned 5 months. It's definitely a job. I was our dishes and everything is picked up when son in law gets home. What makes me mad is son in law usually gets home at 4:15 or so and he sends me a text at 5:45 saying he was fixing to leave work and on way home. I feel like a door Matt. My husband uses the excuse that they are young and still learning. I know when my twins were 4 I paid 165$ a week and that was 8 years ago.
They are not learning
They are not learning anything if they are led to believe that all of this is okay. Now seems like a good time to teach them how it should be done. Or they can get somebody else.
Oh I so agree. Oh and the dog
Oh I so agree. Oh and the dog is entirely different issue.
There's a dog, too?!
There's a dog, too?!
Cocker spaniel. His food and
Cocker spaniel. His food and water bowl is always empty. Then he goes out and eats whatever and comes in and gets sick. So I put him outside with his food and water. Plus he sheds so bad I don't want the baby around that nasty stuff. I refuse to take care of the dog. Pretty bad when his water bowl is dry. Step daughter says keep him inside. Nope
on top of all of it the 3
on top of all of it the 3 year old isn't even your step daughters kid. I would be very wearry of taking care of these children. When something goes wrong you will be the one they come back and blame. (I say this because obviously they aren't healthy kids)
I'm 44 but man I'm
I'm 44 but man I'm exhausted.. what help you talking about with the disability? Plus she get child support for oldest child.
Didn't know. They paid cash
Didn't know. They paid cash for their house and sure do poor mouth a lot. I made less when I was single mom of 3 and made it. My husband said they are just stupid. I think they think that the world revolves around them. It's look what we've got. Am I jealous??!
I agree, time to give your
I agree, time to give your resignation. You are being taken advanged of. Let them find out what care for those children really costs.
Call around in your area to
Call around in your area to see how much a nanny is being paid, then for a person to do in-home healthcare and the cost of a housekeeper. Added all three of these jobs up and this is what you should be getting in wages. Some daycare's charge by the minute for being late on picking up a child, by the way infant daycare is more expensive.
To answer your question, YES, you are being used. I bet at the end of the year, your SD and SIL write off the so called wages they pay you, on their taxes. IF your DH doesn't like that you are tried of being used, tell his dumb ass to go to work for 10 to 12 hours a day and get paid shit, I wonder how long he would work at a job like that?
I suggest that you get
I suggest that you get yourself out of this arrangement as soon as possible. It's not a good situation any way you look at it and you are already resentful. It will only get worse. These are your husbands children who will be in your life for as long as you are married. Do you really want this to blow up and cause lingering hard feelings and nastiness that will probably affect your marriage because that is the only direction that I can see this heading. This is just a disaster waiting to happen and it more than likely could cause a long lasting huge chasm between all involved. All it will take is for them to become offended when you ask for more money, considerate notice of extended work hours, or nutritional food. Based on your writing this it seems you already suspect that they will not react positively to your raising any of the aforementioned issues. So........
Gently make up some excuse to extradite yourself. Indicate that your 12 year olds grades are suffering and you need to guit to devote more time to them if you think that will work. Or if you need to work let them know that you need a job that that pays you more as you know they can't or won't match it. Let's face it you can make $500 a month doing almost anything. Give them 2-4 weeks notice then quit. If your husband gets angry over your decision simply do as others here suggested and let him know that he is more than welcome to replace you.
Welcome to ST... Now - you
Welcome to ST...
Now - you are not the grand parent thus you should not be doing it for free, Simply tell them it's 250.00 per day from now on, and only 5 hours an day.... if the SD change her schedule, simply say NO I can't sorry - I already have something else....
If DH does not like it smile and say - it's your grand kids you can do it then, they are not my family, I did not marry you to become a free baby sitter... I do not mind helping but I'm no door mat either...
Simply learn to say NO with a smile