Thanks for the info. I've read that teenagers learn the coping skills needed to get past the difficulties, so I'm hoping my son will be like yours someday.

My son doesn't have any diet issues besides being mildly picky, but he is the best eater of my 3. I will do my best to keep him busy. Luckily with 2 other boys, they are outside a decent amount.

I don't want to do medication unless he were older and it were a last resort.

My son isn't particularly fidgety, which is why the ADHD diagnosis surprised me at first. His problems are more about his reluctance to follow instructions when he doesn't want to. For example, when I ask him to clean up his toys, he will whine that "it's too boring" and listlessly swing his arms and whine. According to his doctor, that's classic ADHD because if something doesn't properly motivate him, he will feel fatigue the way the majority of us would during a long physics lecture. In camp this summer, he punched another kid in the throat when it was time to clean up legos and he didn't want to.

His other big issue is refusal to potty train. He just refuses to poop in the toilet, and he tells me he doesn't want to stop playing. It has been a nightmare.

As for the school, he is doing fantastic in the special education program. It's only a half day, and kindergarten will only be half days. We just want to make sure he's prepared for full day school when he reaches first grade. Kindergarten may be an issue because it is MUCH more difficult than I went to school. My older son will be in kindergarten this year, so I will be better prepared for the son with difficulties next year. Knowing how tough kindergarten is now is another reason the dr wanted to give him a diagnosis to keep him in special education because with how well he did with only a month in special education, he may test out before kindergarten.

The FB groups are a good idea. It will be interesting to see about the state testing. I personally loved when we had standardized tests growing up because I did well on them and finished early and it gave me hours to just read books. I'm only beginning to understand the new tests and feel leery about them for all my kids. I really don't want to homeschool him because I have 3 boys and am not a very social person, so I like the thought of him being in school just for the social aspect. I guess I will have to see what will benefit them best. Our school district is known for being really good with kids with special needs, and so far I've loved the contact the child study team and teachers.

Thank you, that does sound like him. At this point, the "diagnosis" is only to ensure he keeps an IEP without any further recommendations. I like to try to keep them active no matter what, so it doesn't change too much. The dr did recommend a timer and star chart for the continued potty training, and that's the hard for me because it's not like we're just home all day long. I know that it is up to me to step up and work more with him, but his new school has been amazing, which is great. (They wanted me to work with him to sit criss-cross, etc but I haven't had to remind him at all! He even raises his hand when I read stories to him and his brother instead of interrupting...this is only after one month of special preschool!)

The thought of ADHD scares me, so I'm hoping that with this extra help and if I step up a bit, things will work out for him. In the initial Child Study Team meeting, ODD was suggested, so I'll take ADHD over ODD, but just willful is even more preferable. (He does feel remorse when he does things wrong, so the dr ruled out ODD right away.)

Yikes, it will get worse before better?? Is anything worse than constant poop? j/k

I agree that a label such as ADHD is bad, but at this age, he doesn't know he is labeled as anything. All he knows is that the old preschool he went to, the teacher clearly did not like him. He is now attending a new school where it was more structured and his teacher doesn't pull him out as if he's a bad kid.

My son's behavior is maddening at times. He is super sweet and loving, but the refusal to use the potty, and his willfullness, messiness, and refusal to follow simple commands is difficult. He is constantly touching things after being asked not to, he is always putting things in his mouth that he shouldn't, he is always breaking things, etc. When I take him for activities, so far the only one that he pays attention to is tennis. At all other activities, he sits or lies down on the floor and drags himself around. If I didn't have an older son who is opposite, I would think it's normal since I don't know any better. My husband has been saying for years (and our son is only 4) that we will end up sending our son to military school.

I'm not looking for labels, but looking for positive actions that can take to help better prepare him for school. I'm worried about my older son entering kindergarten, and I want to make sure this son has just as much opportunity to succeed.

I've tried. It has been over a year. I'm at home with him, and even with timers, etc, he CHOOSES not to. In order to get him to pee in the potty, I had to do the opposite of what everyone says and actually punish him and yell at him to even try just once. It has been a year and a half, it's still not done. My other son took a week.

Thank you. The school has an OT on site, but he hasn't been asked to work with one. The dr said with her notes, they will then get one to work with him.

Is Cognitive behavioral therapy taught by an occupational therapist?

If all goes well, I won't let him know he is labeled as anything. I'm hoping that what he learns in these structured classes will help him cope in mainstream ones. I see that he is taking in what he is learning (like him raising his hand to talk) and it gives me hope that he will learn and just grow out of some of the behaviors.

I absolutely will not medicate him. If he is an adult, he can make that decision for himself. I will not medicate a child unless he is really sick, or he's so unmanagable that I really have no choice. At 4, I can't fathom that.

The school will help with the potty training, but he's only there for 3 hours a day. So far he hasn't had accidents. Since he's done #2 on the potty of his own volition once, I think there's a chance it might happen in the future. He's getting too big for pullups, so I can only hope it will start to click soon.

Nothing actually motivates him to poop because he just doesn't want to stop what he's doing. The only way I get a reaction out of him is to threaten to tell Daddy that he had an accident, but the dr insists positive reinforcement is the way to go. *sigh*

Potty training is currently in his IEP.

I never heard of 504s, so that is good to know. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind as he gets older if this continues (oh please let him be fully trained within the next school year!)

The good news is he is dry about half the time at night, and the dr was surprised about that. I see that as a good sign.

I absolutely will not medicate him. The dr told us that medicating will help with the knowledge that we will not. She was just saying it would help, but not as in "I think you should consider it for your son."

He already gets upset when his brother (who is 5) calls the pull ups diapers. He also gets upset if his brother calls him "Baby B" (his name starts with B). He gets upset when I set timers because he knows he is then accountable, but it looks like I will need to start the timer again since he refuses to go when simply asked.

I guess it's frustrating too because I certainly never pushed the potty training. I didn't even consider it until at least 2, and didn't push until past 3. I had 2 boys 11 months apart, and diapers were very easy. I finally started getting "angry" at him at 3 1/2 and he always just peed in his pants when I put him in underwear. For the longest time, he would only pee on the potty if he wasn't wearing anything at all.

I think the words I use most with him are "Don't put that in your mouth!" and "Go use the potty!". I feel like a broken record.

Unless a child is sick, I can't imagine the affects of any medication on a developing brain and body can be good. I would much rather try to work with him than put any chemicals in him. He's only 4...no matter how "bad" he is, I just can't imagine that's an option!

I'll see if he wants to sit the other way around.

Unfortunately, anything messy, including poop, doesn't bother my son. He is the messiest kid. The last time he tried to clean himself up, he pulled an entire roll of toilet paper off the roll, haphazardly wiped around simply smearing poo around the bathroom, and filled the toilet with paper. I found the bathroom with poo smeared all over the sink and the floor, and footprints of poop throughout the house, up into his room and on the ladder of his loft which is where I found him. If I had been a second later, it would have been in his bed as well. He wasn't upset about the mess, but worried about me being upset with him.

*sigh* I'm just so tired of poop!

He puts things in his mouth, not his hands at all. He even will lick the glass door if the feeling strikes. He's looked at me, and suddenly licked my face! Anything soft with a foam type of material will have bites taken out of them, and any toy cars with rubber tires will be taken off and chewed in his mouth. I don't have to worry about my 18 month old putting things in his mouth the way this child does.