Thank you dh for finally stepping up.

I noticed that my ddstb12, had been looking somewhat withdrawn and depressed. I asked her what's going on. At first she kept saying nothing was wrong. But when I asked maybe if anything was deep down bothering her she told me that SD told dd11 that she was going to kill her. I told dh what ddstb12 told me. He asked SD about it, and she admitted it. She said that when her and dd11 were playing with makeup dd was putting her mascara on and it was goopy. That's why she said she was going to kill her. Dh told SD to throw away all her makeup...

Now this isn't exactly how I would have taken care of it. But this is a start to dh actually opening his eyes again.

Now I know people are going to say a few different things, #1 that it may have been a joke/figure of speech. #2 how do we actually know she said that.

#1 SD admitted that she said it. She had plenty of time to tell dh she didn't mean it like that or that she didn't mean it at all. That was never said. She just gave an excuse as to why it was said.

#2 SD admitted it, and she told dh why she did it.

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Did SD say HOW she was going

Did SD say HOW she was going to kill her? For example: Shoot, strangle, stab, smother?

This is nuts. The kids were

This is nuts.

The kids were playing together. People say I'm going to kill you as a joke. SD probably didn't say it was a joke because she was stunned that a kid who is almost 12 years old took that to heart.

It's hard to believe that your daughter and SD didn't just laugh it off and keep playing.

Either all of those girls are sitting around trying to get one another in trouble over stupid stuff, your DD is extremely sensitive/dramatic or this isn't true.

Had SD yelled this during a nasty fight,then your daughter's reaction would make perfect sense.

Something just isn't right about this story.

SD is a ninja. Lookout. My

SD is a ninja. Lookout.

My kids said that to each other here and there in jest and in anger. No biggie. Even Dr. Phil would laugh at this one.

I wish this SD just lived with her mom full time. Went out to lunches with her dad.

THIS I can't believe dad made

THIS

I can't believe dad made thw kid thow her makup away AND the OP is happy about it,over a joke.

THIS Sounds like the DD is

THIS

Sounds like the DD is just as bad as the SD when it comes to trying to get someone in trouble over petty stuff.

Who would joke about taking

Who would joke about taking someone's life?

Now since you are taking this

Now since you are taking this threat to your daughter's life seriously. It seems that you are - a couple of things.

1: Call the police immediately. She threatened to kill your daughter. Your daughter was in fear of her life. You are in fear for your daughter's safety. The authorities need to be told about this threat immediately. Please explain to the LE officers that YOU, as her mother, believe this is a legitimate threat to your child. Tell them that you wish to press charges against your step daughter. You would like a copy of the report so that you may request a Protective Order. NOT a restraining. With a PO, the police have to take action should the PO be violated. This means the SD will no longer be allowed to be within however many feet of you or your children that the judge deems necessary for your personal protection. Be prepared for your step daughter to be remanded to police custody. At her age, she can be taken to a juvenile facility. Evidently, she should be. She's a real danger to others. This is NO JOKE.

2: Why is this child in your home after a bodily threat made toward your child. She should not be allowed there as you are eroding your case to have the PO. The judge will look at that and ask if you were so concerned, why is your SD back in your home? Unless you plan to have her chained to you at ALL TIMES, I don't see how you can prevent another threat.

3: Be prepared for your husband to be upset. His daughter will be in jail. She will have a record. Take heart, it will be expunged at the ripe old age of 18 but, still. BM will also be angry. Be ready for that.

4: You cannot allow a threat of this nature to stand against your child. Do you want to wake up and find that your child's life has been taken while you were sleeping in the next room? I don't think so. Treat this as the severe issue that it is. She's a bad kid. Lies. Steals (her own money but she did take it). She's a glutton. She's a practical bag of cats.

DO NOT HESITATE! I'm typing in all caps because this is CRITICAL! YOU are putting your daughter's VERY LIVES at stake by allowing this child back in your home.

TAKE ACTION. I don't think tossing clumpy mascara is going to have much of an effect. Please let us know what happens. You're right, this is NOT A JOKE!

Oh come on. People say silly

Oh come on. People say silly stuff like that while playing all the time.

Kids will use their fingers or toys as guns and shoot at each other. Doesn't that mean they are going to really kill each other? No, they are just playing.

I think I have told BS5 at

I think I have told BS5 at least 4 times today that I am "going to beat him"
Have I ever beat him? No.
Do I ever plan to beat him? No.
He laughs every time I say it, because it's a joke.

Our German Shepherd tried to steal one of my chicken wings last night when I ran upstairs to get my phone charger. DH told BS5 he was taking the dog to the dog pound.
Have we ever taken an animal to the pound? No.
Do we ever plan on taking an animal to the pound? No.
We all laughed because it was a joke.

I don't understand how a

I don't understand how a parent would joke about abusing their child

Sorry, in our house we were

Sorry, in our house we were punished severely if we ever said anything like this. It was more that, if you say something you better be prepared to do it or else don't say it.

Schools take this seriously (a friend's niece was suspended for saying it to another kid) and I would too. Even though I know it may be a joke or they don't mean it, you don't make jokes/say things like this because you don't know how the other person is going to react.

Very true. Some things are

Very true. Some things are inappropriate to say even in play/jest. Kids need to learn what they are before they say something to the wrong person in the wrong place. Say that to a police officer, or teacher or someone who reports it and there can be serious consequences. I think loosing her make up for a while (presumably she will get some more some time shortly in the future), is a good way to get SD to remember not to utter threats of violence against others.

I think the OP is best placed to judge if her daughter is playing up to get SD in trouble or needs to have more self confidence or just needs to build a more trusting relationship with her step sister. In this case, the SD admitted to it so it is right that she should be punished. I think the potential issues with DD and her relationship with SD are a separate issue.

Admitting to it doesn't mean

Admitting to it doesn't mean it wasn't a joke.

School have these zero policy rules in place because kooky parents get their undies in a twist when kids joke around with their snowflakes.

The DD and the dad's reactions were not normal.

This was not in school! In

This was not in school!

In life, you have to know the difference between jesting and being serious in a home environment.

I have two kids that are very successful, very loving and very grounded. And we joke with each other all the time. If you take yourself to seriously, you are missing out on so much.

These kids are pitting each other against themselves. Its obvious from all of her posts. The parents are creating an environment for that behavior to come out of them. Its sad.

Sometimes I tell hubby I am gonna suck the life out of him. It only makes him get excited. Words can be fun. }:)

THIS^^^^ what's done/said at

THIS^^^^ what's done/said at school and what's done/said at home are comparing apples to monkeys butts. Not the same.

Hell, if I flew off the handle every time BS5 came to me and said "Daddy just screamed at me!!!"?? When I've been right there to hear every word... DH was NOT screaming, he was raising his voice because YOU were not listening. Now stop tattling and run along.

I think context is important here. If SD got up in the middle of the night and stood over BD bed and said in an evil voice "I am going to kill you" Ok, THEN you have an issue that needs addressing. But the context in which she said it over applying goopy makeup????? Mountain meet molehill.

My grandkids say this to each

My grandkids say this to each other, they are siblings. I don't like it and I get on them if they say it in front of me but I know they would never do anything to each other like that. They fight like cats and dogs all the time, there is 17 months difference in them. If you were an outsider looking in and didn't know them you would probably think they are serious but they really do love each other, or will one day maybe.

I've never said the "I'm

I've never said the "I'm going to kill you" when I get angry, but I've heard people say it on tv. My children have never heard it as I've never said it, so they may have a hard time knowing the difference. As none of us were there, we can't really know. Dh and I are both the types who find it inappropriate to say, even if you don't mean it.

I told dh later that at this point that she said this, she can't make those words go away. "I'm going to kill you" is a threat on someone's life. It's a very serious offense that everyone will remember for a very long time.

I find it pretty laughable that even when I post something like this I get called names. She threatened my daughter's life, whether it was a joke or only something said in anger, it was a threat on my daughter's LIFE.

If you believe it was a

If you believe it was a serious threat that your daughter is going to remember forever, then how is making SD throw away her makeup an appropriate response? Shouldn't she be in counseling and kept completely separate from your daughter?

Ok if this is a threat on

Ok if this is a threat on someone's life, CALL THE POLICE! WHY IS SHE BACK IN YOUR HOME AROUND YOUR CHILDREN?

DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!

Your kids are in

Your kids are in school,camp....that means they play with other kids. You mean to tell me they have never been running around with kids, screaming, laughing and someone said I'm going to get you, I'm going to kill you...????

Preteen girls say it often when one is joking about spilling the beans about the other having a crush on a boy.

How in the world can you compare a comment that was made while playing to what you said to a child that you can't stand?

If this was your very first

If this was your very first blog, I'd be wondering why you're still living in a house with an SD uttering death threats and a DH who thinks throwing out makeup will change that. I'd also be concerned about the safety of you and your DD.

Well the good thing is

Well the good thing is finally starting to get on board noticing how horrible is child is, putting you one step closer to her elimination. Now, even though she admitted what she said and was punished, it was not the way you would do it, and you are still not satisfied. You will not be satisfied until your passive/aggressive nitpicking results in this child breaking down or acting out in a way that will ensure that her father will no longer want her. Then you can say, see I told you. Your thinly veiled attempts to show concerns with her health are just an attempt to show that you are such a good person you can overlook all her "flaws" and yet you still show her you benevolence and tolerance.
You keep venting and sharing, and then when the ladies on here point out that you may be a little off,even flat out wrong you take nothing from it, and keep trying to defend and deflect.You even make excuses about why you have had outbursts with your own children. You have said that they told you that you are being mean more than once, they are telling you the truth. Maybe your own daughter was sullen because she knew if she told you what was really bothering her, you would overreact, because she sees how you are with sd, and she knew it wasn't that serious. The worst part is her father doesn't even know what you are up to, and how you really feel, because you keep your little facade up, but sooner or later you are going to break, and sd will be in danger.

By the way did you ever tell DH what you said to SD about your mom? Because what you wrote:

#1 SD admitted that she said it. She had plenty of time to tell dh she didn't mean it like that or that she didn't mean it at all. That was never said. She just gave an excuse as to why it was said.

#2 SD admitted it, and she told dh why she did it.

Sounds just like how you handled what you said and just how you reacted to it. But of course you are a frustrated adult who talked out of turn, and you apologized. But you had a good reason, you were trying to be helpful. Riiiggght?

Fortunately, you can come here and look for support. I wonder where SD is going to go. Because she can't win no matter what.