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Say something or leave it alone?

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 8:55am

I posted awhile back how my Ex's mom wants BS to go Canada (we live in the US) and stay in her remote cabin with her for a few weeks in the summer.

I sent her an email addressing my concerns that BS is probably too young to really enjoy the experience this summer, I didnt feel comfortable with his maturity in being in a totally remote area, Ex (BS's dad) probably couldnt get a passport to get out of the country (has a warrant out) and probably couldnt take time off to actually go out of country. (He's a server, he doesnt get paid vacation) Who would get BS to and from Canada, who else would be there with her and BS in case of an emergency, etc.

She responded back to my email all upset and kind of pissy. I reitirated my concerns and also added some more that I thought about.

Well BS was in FL with her for spring break. BS comes home and is all pissy with me "Grossmutter told me you won't let me go to Canada."

So then I have to hear him whine and cry about how mean I am.

I'm a little annoyed by Ex's mom putting it on me.

I gave her my reasons. I'm not even sure why it was brought back up again.

ExMIL never gave me a plan. I have to plan way ahead for summer childcare and she is aware of this.

Most importantly she has to know that there is no way that BS's dad would be able to go on this trip. That the "idea" of the trip and the actual follow through and the logistics, etc are 2 different things.

I want to send her an email and basically state, when you can proivde me a plan and state how BS will get to/from, who will be there in case of emergencies and confirm if BS's dad would be there or not or what the plan is with that (I would feel much better if Ex was there with BS but its very unlikely he would be able to make the trip).

I feel like this discussion has been hanging over us ever since I sent the first email a few months back. I like to clear the air and be up front. This is why I said no for this year. I have been open to discussion about it and she is well aware of that. I dont appreciate her putting it on me to BS that I am not allowing him to take this trip.

However, English is not her first language so sometimes our points get a little crossed. I dont want to offend her. Normally we get along very well and I appreciate that. But I'm a little annoyed that I am looking like the bad guy. I'd rather just say what the deal is and then take it from there. So we dont fall into this same discussion over and over.

Thoughts?

Comments

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:06am

I think you should totally have her give you a rundown of the logistics. What's her first language?

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:13am

German.

I think sometimes she comes across as really bitchy but I think its really the language barrier. And vice versa with me. Because I am an expressive communicator.

I really like her and appreciate all she does for BS. I dont want to ruin that relationship. But I also dont like the blame being put on me. It really comes down to there is no way her son would be able to do this trip and take BS and not sure that BS would really enjoy going alone. That is not my problem.

Ex4life's picture

Submitted by Ex4life on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:12am

Maybe I'm missing something here, but my first reaction is to ask you why are you considering emailing her again? I would let the matter drop. She sounds as bad as some of the BM's many of us deal with in the matter of crossing boundaries. She had no right to go speaking to your BS about this until it had been ok'd and the details worked out. She threw you under the bus on purpose if you ask me. Let the matter drop and stick to your guns. It sounds like you have reasonable concerns that have not been answered. Granbitter probably knows the chances of her son being able to go or get a passport are slim to none and she was counting on you to let him go so she wouldn't have to go through her son.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:16am

I guess the purpose of the email would be to clearly state my reasonings, but let her know that I am open to discussion. But also to let her know that BS came to me and since it's still being talked about maybe we should clear the air so their is no confusion that is going to get back to BS.

I'm a little annoyed as I feel she threw me under the bus and we normally have a good relationship so I'd rather clear the air with her.