I have been really noticing SD7 playing the little head games BM plays with her with BS2. I don't think she is doing it on purpose. I don't know how much she actually understands what it is her mother does to her but I am deff seeing it happen here more and more. It really bothers me. I hate watching BM do it to SD as it is. I mean when that kid got off the phone with her mother the other night after having a talk about getting her ears pierced she was so upset and crying. Her mother made her feel really guilty about wanting to have it done here. Mind you this has been talked about since SD was like 3-4. BM pierced her ears without talking to DH about it and she was not at a good age for it and they decided to take the earrings out and wait to redo them when she was older. BM and I used to talk then and I said well when everyone is ready I can have my sister do it. Shes a hairdresser and pierces ears as well. SHe has all the professional equipment at home and she will do it for free. BM was like awesome! Thanks! Well now that BM thinks Im an evil bitch cuz DH has a backbone we aren't good enough to have it done here. SD has long since said she wants them done for her 7th b-day. SD told BM aunty was going to do it for her and BM made her feel really bad about it. SHe gets off the phone and starts crying and says can I just do it at BMs house? Im so sick of this shit. DH tells SD its up to you but aunty really wanted to do this for your birthday and already has everything picked out. We explained to her that her mother shouldn't get mad about it since she said it was ok a long time ago and if she does she can contact DH about it. Truth is SD is scared of doing it period but also really wants pierced ears and my sister makes her feel more comfortable versus going to a stranger to do it. Obviously we wont hold her down and make her do it but if SD is ok with it its getting done this weekend along with fixing her hair before she goes back to school. It looks like shit and the color was supposed to come out by now but since BM had it bleached (which was not needed, shes very blonde) first the colors have just faded to pastel colors that don't match and look stupid. Anyway I see no reason why DH cant make the same choices without having BMs blessing. They have 50/50 rights and responsibilities. For BM to make SD feel soooo bad about something like this drives me crazy. So this morning (and this has been going on more and more this summer but sometimes Im slow at putting the pieces together) I hear SD trying to bribe BD into liking her better and wanting more attention from her instead of her cousin6. Now all the kids have taught BD2 that its funny when they ask her a bunch of questions for her to say no. "DO you love BS6? NO. Do you love SD7? No. DO you love uncle? NO." and they giggle every time she says no. I explained this to all of them. Explained that she loves all of them she only says no cuz usually when she does she makes them all laugh. Even after explaining this SD is getting really jelous and really upset/mad/frustrated when BD prefers to play with her cousin. I really don't like the bribing tactic BM uses or the guilt trip shit. And BD doesn't fall for it anyway. All its doing is pissing BD off and she pushes SD away which of course upsets SD even more. I know I should have seen situations like this coming but I guess I really didn't. I don't want what BM does to SD to drive a wedge between sisters here. ANd SD is clearly screaming for attention from anyone she can get it from. I just feel like Im at such a loss here. I know I cant change what BM does with SD but I don't want it flowing over into our other kids. Any ideas?