I can't believe I've been here for a year already! I may not be in the step life anymore, but I can't seem to pull myself from this board. I feel like I know some of you personally so I wonder and worry.

Here's a little update...

I didn't blog much because I already knew I wanted to leave my situation. My ExSO wasn't getting any better at parenting and things were just going downhill quickly. I was mainly worried about breaking my lease early but thanks to a shoddy landlady and California law I was actually able to get my ExSO out of the lease as well. It was my deposit so I wanted to make sure I got it back. ExSO ended up rooming with a friend and sending his monsters over to BM2 pretty much full time (seeing as he lost his babysitter and he's a big commuter).

1. ExSD18 - still a spoiled little snot. That child has her nose up so far in the air she couldn't make eye contact if she wanted. ExSO attempted to make amends with her after I left but she still maintains that she can and did no wrong. ExMIL and BM1 side with her and put her up on this pedestal so she has no reason to believe otherwise. Lots of "you're the parent YOU make it right, kid has NO blame!". Idiots.

2. ExSS6 - still an awful, crying terror. It just gets worse and worse with him. He torments others but try to retaliate in kind? He has an all out crying, screaming fit. Like you're cutting off his arm. I can't stand that kid. He still cries daily, for the littlest crap.

3. BM2 - calls ExSO daily telling him she can't handle the kids. What? You birthed them! She's also come out as a lesbian. Nothing wrong with that but I suspect she either doesn't want her kids around the new relationship, the new lady doesn't like the kids or she just misses partying that much now that she actually has to be a mom. She's been like this since day 1, always looking for someone's doorstep to drop them off at so she can go party (she was barely even EOWE). She's 35, this is ridiculous.

I have lonely days. Lots of what-ifs, should I go back, etc. But then I sit back and listen - QUIET. I'm happy, just lonely and it's a good reminder to not look back.

Thank you to all the fabulous people here. I found support also from just reading the advice given to others.