Advice needed for meeting today....
So we have the first meeting today with the Social Worker for the program we are trying to get SD in to.
It's a program for youths with a multitude of issues like not going to school, anxiety, social issues etc.
Incase you haven't followed my blog, SO and I originally set this appointment up as my sister in law works there and got us in. There is a year long waiting list before she will actually get any treatment. Anyways a few weeks ago BM lost her marbles and called the program office and told them that SD didn't want us involved, so they called me and told me that SO and I were not allowed to attend the meeting. I called the counselor back myself and requested that we have our own appointment and she agreed.
We know that BM and her new boyfriend of all of 5 months is going to go in there and bash us and say that all of SD's issues are because of SO. She lies about us all the time and nothing we ever do is good enough for her.
So I need advice on how to approach this....We don't want to go in there and bitch about BM and try and blame her for things, but honestly a lot of SD's issues are because of BM. She has no structure, absolutely no discipline, and BM doesn't make her go to school. She is literally allowed to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.
How can we bring these things up and voice our concerns without sounding like we are bashing BM? We don't want to sink to her level and make it look like our goal is to blame her. To top it all off, we haven't even seen SD in a month because BM has brainwashed her so badly that she refuses to come to our house.
Any advice is appreciated!
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Stick to the facts. I don't
Stick to the facts. I don't know specifics, so just make the following apply with your own information...
"Our main concerns with SD are her behavior, specifically on transition days, her attitude and her lack of respect. We have noticed that on Sundays she is usually better behaved and attribute some of that to getting enough sleep. It seems like her meltdowns are usually close to bedtime in the evenings on transition days, as if she is tired. We also notice that she has a difficult time doing homework and only wants to do it in front of the TV. We were thinking one thing that might help would be if everyone was on the same page and we could implement some sort of routine that carried over into both homes, for example, come home, eat a snack and start homework in the same space everyday. It seems like there are a lot of inconsistencies between her two households and some of her issues are around the constant change in her routine or just not having a routine at all"
Make sure that all of your concerns are around SD and what is best for her. If BM goes in and bashes you the whole time, and you guys go in with issues/possibly solutions or issues/questions on how the hell to fix it, it will be pretty obvious where the problem is, these people do this for a living.
Thank you! That's what my mom
Thank you! That's what my mom keeps saying... "These people do this for a living, they are going to be able to see right through her".
We are just really worried. We want the counselor to know that BM is alienating us but don't know how to bring it up without making it look like we are attacking her.
We will stick to the facts, and try not to name her, but rather just state the issues. I guess the counselor can figure out where the issues stem from.