For Newbie SMs that Deal with Rotten SKIDS
It CAN get better.
I know I complain about my SS13 A LOT on this site and thank you all for listening. I just thought I'd take a minute to let you know that things CAN get better.
My SS has told me he hates me, that I've ruined his life, has told me NO blatantly to my face when I've asked him to do something, called me "the mean one", etc, etc. He literally saw me as the worst thing to ever happen to him.
I'm sure BM had a lot to do with this as she used to spend a good portion of her EOWe visits with him pumping his head up with a bunch of BS of how life would be better with her, how me and DH are mean to him, etc, etc. Meanwhile, she had been absent for 7 years from his life (ages 4-11) and DH struggled to support him and make ends meet while she smoked pot all day and partied with her GF.
Anyway, things have gotten so much better. I've stuck to my guns about what I expect (clear and rinse your plate after a meal, load it in the dishwasher, shower daily, take your things to your room, say thank you, ask before you drink a soda, candy, treats, etc. homework first, then fun, chores on weekends, then fun). I am consistent. High standards, but consistent. Kids get what they need along with occasional treats. We work hard and play hard. Take fun vacations and do fun family outings when all is right in the world!
SS was raised very differently. No expecations of him. Just do what I say, if I feel like saying it. BM was crappy when she would show up to DH's house (usually drunk), make promises and then disappaer for another 3-6 months.
Anyway, here's the good part:
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Comments
SS has become the class pet
SS has become the class pet in his 7th/8th grade class. He struggled immensely last year in the private school I put him in with my kids. He also had major attitude in all of the sports we put him in - the ones he wanted to play. He didn't do his homework and tried to play the class clown and he would be an A-hole during his practices. We worked with the teachers, took everything away from him (clothes, video games, everything in his room) and pulled him from the extras to show him we meant business.
SS now asks me if I think he should do extra curriculars. He asks my opinion.
I told DH to take him to buy him a new pair of shoes that he's had his eye on last night after getting some kudos from the teacher. When DH had him in the store and told him to pick out a pair, SS said, "we better ask Step Off first". LOL. When DH told him it was fine, SS wanted to text me to thank me.
We also took him to the thrift store for costume shopping. Whose opinion did he want? mine.
THis is a completely different child than the one that used to give me dirty looks at dinner and mumble obscenities to me under his breath.
That's great! Glad to hear
That's great! Glad to hear your hard work paid off!
My step dad and I used to
My step dad and I used to butt heads like nobodies business. I think that if steptalk was around when I was a teenager, he most certainly would have been here venting. LOL The week after I graduated from high school, he and I got into a huge fight and I moved out and never went back. I steered clear of him for a while other than holiday gatherings for the most part. Funny thing is that over the next 10 years or so, we gradually got to be friendly. I think I had alot of growing up to do, which I did and he was gracious enough to help me out by getting me my first credit card (which was a sub account of his) and I actually had him walk me down the aisle when I married my first husband when I was 25.
A week before my step dad died, we had actually gone shopping and to lunch together, just the two of us, and had a really good time. Funny, I was just reflecting back this morning to what a freaking little shit head I was to him in my teen years and the fact that he never gave up on me and we ended up being friends. I wish I could do the same with my skids
WOW! You just gave all of us
WOW! You just gave all of us a little ray of hope today. Not that I believe for a second that many of us will ever have your experience, it's always nice to hear it does sometimes happen!