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Torn (blog hog sorry :( )

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:39pm

I have a question for you all. Ever since BM flipped her shit when I didn't agree with her 1 single time, and now she hates my guts, when we actually were friends to a certain degree, she has going around telling anyone who will listen that I am a bad mom. That I treat SD badley. That I told her that I needed counciling. That I told her that I hate my kids and that is why I have a job now. The list goes on and on. There is something new nad horrible that I have done every week.

My question is... when do I get to defend myself? When is it ok for me to call her out on what she is doing? Is there ever a good time? Is it ok to send her an email and explain my side of the situation? Can I pay to have it all put on a billboard??

The worst part is that she talks about me in front of SD and now SD has a grudge against me. Is it ok to talk to SD and defend myself against what BM has been saying?

Comments

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:43pm

Well, sometimes it feels really good to defend yourself and speak up. But what does it do when in a situation like this?

The high road is more difficult but it eventually has the greater rewards.

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:49pm

That is why I am torn. I really want to tear BM a new ass hole, but I will settle for a gentle email combatting all of the negative things she thinks about me. I just don't know if I should or not. I know if I do it that way, it will be in writing and she won't be able to twist my words around and use them against me.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:46pm

Is it ok to talk to SD and defend myself against what BM has been saying?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I think absolutely yes.

I would not talk bad about her mom, but she needs to know the truth. I would never let someone purposely believe a lie about me.

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:52pm

I agree with not talking bad about her mom, even though she has talked about me. I sooo badley want to tell SD why her BM and DH broke up (BM cheated several times) and that her BM's ExH (soon to be new husband again) beat her BM and threw her on the ground when BM was prego with SD's little brother, but I know that I can't. Wish BM had the same amount of integrity.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:48pm

How old is SD? Is she old enough that you might be able to ask her how she feels about the things being said? Maybe just an open dialogue vs "defending yourself".

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:53pm

She is 8

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 2:00pm

SD tries to please whichever parent that she is with at the time. She has done this for a little over a year now. She will let BM goad her until she hears what she wants and it drives me CRAZY. SD will leave our house happy as a lark and go to BM's and within a half hour BM is calling us and telling DH about how much SD hates me or DH and she doesn't want to come and she is just miserable blah blah blah! She is old enough to be sat down by DH and I and have it explained and I think that is what we are going to do.

Kilgore SMom's picture

Submitted by Kilgore SMom on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 1:59pm

The one thing you have control over is how you reacted. If you want to show BM something the best thing to do is not react at all to anything she's says. BM is expecting you to react and that would just prove to her that she is right in her eyes.
It is natural to want to defend our self. In doing that you are lowering your self down to BM level. The more BM runs her head the more people are going to see right through her.

Be sure to NEVER talk bad about BM where SD can hear you and NEVER talk bad about BM to SD. Tell SD that you are sorry if she is caught in the middle. And that you love her regardless to what is getting said. Do not say anything about her mother or what BM is saying. Drop it there.

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 2:08pm

Thank you guys. You are right, I need to hold my head high and ignore, document, ignore, document, etc. It just REALLY wears on you to a point where I think I need meds most days LOL!

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 2:16pm

I don't think addressing things with BM will help, it will probably make things worse. I do think there is an appropriate way to discuss things with SD without talking bad about BM or even calling BM out directly.
One thing we enforce with skid whether BM is being combative or not, is making decisions about people based on what your experiences with them are, not based on what other people say.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 06/18/2013 - 2:35pm

What is that saying? "Live your life in such a way that if someone says something bad about you, nobody will believe it"

I know it's hard, but can you just try to ignore the nonsense coming out of her mouth? I mean those who know you will be able to discern the lies and those who don't, don't matter right? Wink

MotherTrucker's picture

Submitted by MotherTrucker on Wed, 06/19/2013 - 7:03am

Thanks again everyone. I am not going to email BM, but DH and I are going to sit down with SD tonight and talk with her about what SHE said and tell her that if she really does have a problem with us then she needs to talk to us about it, not BM and her Grammy. We are going to tell her that it is not right to base her judgement of a person off the judgement of someone else. I want her to feel like she can talk to us if she is upset, so I think this is the way to go. I really think what BM said was fabricated to be what she wanted to hear.