Privacy
There have been many posts on here regarding reading a spouses text messages, emails etc. Many state this is an invasion of privacy. Many justify the person who 'peeked' has the right to know what is going on in their house, with their finances etc.
My thoughts on this are perhaps a bit different.
DH has the passwords to my facebook, emails (except work) and has the liberty to pick up my phone and scroll through any phone calls I may have made or text messages I have sent or received.
The same is true in reverse. I have the passwords to his email (except work), facebook and have the liberty to pick up his phone, scroll through calls and or text messages at my leisure.
We have an open book policy. Nothing is secret. If I am attempting to set up a surprise for him, I will ask him simply to wait if he picks up my phone. Explain I am planning a surprise and would appreciate him not reading the texts between me and his mother/brother/my mother/sisters etc. He normally shrugs puts the phone down and walks over and grabs his own to look up whatever number he was looking for, etc.
Myself, I don't understand the need for extreme privacy of phone or email. Bottom line to me is: If I don't want my husband to see it/read it/ hear it: don't do it. He is also of the same opinion.
And yes, before anyone asks. He has my SN here and password. I have seen him log in, read my old posts where I was venting about something and usually whatever caused my anger/frustration he quickly takes care of. Guess step talk is my diary... and by letting him read, he gets the opportunity to get inside my head and know what I am thinking/feeling without having to have those heart to heart talks that end up emotional and make men more anxious than a long tailed cat in a rocking chair factory.
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Comments
I am with you on if I feel
I am with you on if I feel the need... there is a problem. I don't comb through DH's stuff. There was one occasion I did comb through his text messages.
Back earlier in our relationship with strange womens clothing would appear at his house. He would be handing it to me thinking I left it behind. Yeah, not mine. There was never anything on his phone to make me doubt him, and we found out six months later that BM was sending sd(now)18 over with some of BMs clothes to plant around the house. Her intent was to make DH and I (Then engaged) argue and break up over the mystery clothing.
I can't fathom DH and me just
I can't fathom DH and me just picking up each other's phone to look through texts and calls. If we have a question for the other, we just ask.
Dh and ask each other if we
Dh and ask each other if we have a problem. However we also have the open policy too. Its not a big deal for me to read his text while he is driving and respond for him. Most of the tine he will ask me to. He knows I'm here but he doesn't read most of the time. If I have a problem I tell him. But if you have nothing to hide at least foe me I don't see it as a big deal to get on each others phone to look up something on the internet or what ever. But we also don't snoop as there is no reason too. We just use each others stuff or answer each others calls texts if we are in the bathroom or driving and stuff.
I'm the same as just his wife
I'm the same as just his wife it was important to me when SO and I started dating to have an ipen book relationship because of my exh's cheating sneaking gaslighting, etc any man who wasn't okay with it I wasn't going to be involved with. I needed the security and ability to learn to trust.
It's worked well and there have been times I've had to explain things he may of thought were okay while single were not okay by me an walked to fine a line. He adjusted and we moved on. He in fact just logged into my fb the other day I get alerts and asked him about it he was sending himself stuff for farmville (ugh I don't play fb games and reminded him when I got home I'd be blocking it) but I figured if he was snooping or curious or worried we coukd discuss it see if our relationship needs tweeking if he's worried. I haven't had to check his stuff in awhile an it's nice feeling secure again.
I have nothing to hide and
I have nothing to hide and neither does DH. However I think it's disrespectful for him to paw through my personal items. I respect his privacy and I want him to respect mine. But very couple is different and our way may not suit everyone.
I will say if he asked to look, then I'd let him. He has offered to let me read messages from his ex or kid but I usually refuse. I say usually because sometimes he'll shove his fricking phone in my face and I can't avoid it. I just don't care enough to be interested in what's happening with his ex or kid.
DH and I are on the same page
DH and I are on the same page when it comes to cheating. Don't be a douche and end the relationship but don't cheat. Neither one of us has anything to gain by staying married and cheating.
DH annoys the crap out of me but I can safely say this is one area that isn't a concern for either one of us.
I am of the same feeling. SO
I am of the same feeling. SO and I have an open book relationship. It's a deal breaker for me. IF you're serious enough to live together or get married - then nothing should be kept secret or deleted. That builds trust.