StepMoms have a much more challenging path in the blended family adventure than StepDads do.

StepDad is married to the deified BioMom. Because of that StepDad is not a threat to the sanctity and god like status of the worshiped BioMom.

StepMom, is a direct threat to mommy which puts SM at a distinct disadvantage. Even when mommy is the toxic one, directing tons of PAS on the kid to demonize daddy, and package SM as the succubus who violated the failed family by taking daddy, even if the SM had zero presence in the picture at all during the demise of the failed family.  SM is at fault even when SM couldn't possibly be at fault.

StepDads due to their affiliation with Saint BioMom do not generally get targeted in the whole failed family dynamic. Part of that is due to the tendency for courts to marginalize BioDad in the whole process.  Add in that StepDad may sire the next series of issue from the GUBM that many failed family progeny feel much closer to than any additional sibs sired by daddy with a SM and it just gets worse for the SM.  For some reason failed family progeny seem to demonize dad's second family kids far more than they do mom's second family kids.

No idea if this has merit but that seems to be the case.

I'm married to the CP BM in our blended family situation.  As it turned out, SS is an only in our marriage. He is the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock by 3 different bio moms for the BioDad.  I met my DW when SS-32 was 15mos old. We married the week before he turned 2yo.  He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.  My DW and the SpermIdiot were never married. Neither were the SpermIdiot and BM#2 and BM#3.  In our situation the two subsequent BMs are little more than afterthoughts for SS.  SS and SpermIdiot spawn #2 detest the SpermIdiot.  #3 and #4 worship him.

BM #2 and #3 are nothing but afterthoughts since SpermGrandHag bought them out by paying them CS and raising the three younger SpermIdiot spawn while paying the subsequent BMs to maintain control over the three younger half sibs.  SS is the only one raised by the BM.

I agree with points made by Rags.  Also - stepmothers are more likely to be non-custodial than stepfathers, who usually live with the SKIIDs and their bio mother - and it's easier to enforce boundaries with kids when you live with them than when you only see them once a fortnight.  

Also, my own observation is that it stepmothers are a very convenient dumping ground/object to project all the BM's and SKIDs disatisfactions upon.  In 2022 when SD29 sent me an abusive email, she had her say about how she resented ALL the parent figures in her life for not meeting her (extensive) needs.  However, I'm sure she has never told her father about these feelings, and probably not her mother either.  But she can tell me because I'm dispensible, and she would absolutely love to get rid of me. Stepmothers are essentially scapegoats. 

I agree with KES and Rags...

Biology also feeds into the dynamic.  In most nuclear families, the female is the primary caregiver and it's perpetuated in our society that men are the breadwinners and women are the ones that are responsible for home and kids... even when women DO work.. the division of responsibility often follows this kind of pattern.. dad does the lawn, car, home maintenance.. does sports.. mom does most cooking.. most hands on parenting.. dad is discipline and money.  I mean, in nature, the female of the species is hardwired to do this caregiving in most cases where it is biologically needed.  So, our courts and society are hardwired to favor the mother as the primary caregiver.. and to task the father (most often the higher earner) with payment to support the kids.  

The stepmom is in a tight rope situation.. don't overstep into the mother's role.. but, the man often assumes she will replace his EX in that capacity in his home.

Even in cases where the stepmom was not in the picture during the breakup.. the picture can be painted that they are to blame.

And... kids don't want to hate their parents.. so the stepmom is an easy extension.

Agreeing with ESMOD this time. Naturally, mums are always getting judged far worse than dads, even in traditional non-blended families. When dad looks after the child, he is praised for doing so, but if mum buys takeout, she'd be judged to be the lazy mum who doesn't look after her children properly. It is just already how society works, plus the mother being the primary caregiver in majority of families, it is seen as a threat when someone else tries to replace her. Men are praised for looking after their own children, when they cook for their children and take them to do activities. When women do it, it is seen as she's just doing what she's meant to be doing. Many people still use the term 'babysit' for when men have to look after their own children. WTH? Aren't they just 'parenting'? Given this is how things are traditionally, when men step in to the role of stepdad, he is of course praised to no end. He would be seen as the hero, someone who is so kind to be wanting to look after children that are not even his own. But when women do it, geez, how dare they!

Also, I think it is just naturally how women are. I'm a woman myself, and judge me as much as you want, but I think that women are just naturally more toxic than men. We love to gossip, to talk about others behind their backs, and so on. We are naturally jealous and insecure. I see it all the time. I try to not engage in badmouthing others. I think that if you don't like a certain person, you should be able to say it to their face and confront them, instead of being a coward and talk behind their backs. And if they bother you so much, well, don't hang out with them! But not many people think like me, and so many people are highly unconfrontational. My mum, my MIL, my SILs, some of my friends, they all do this. I don't even like to talk about my SDs to anyone (except to my mum & my DH, and even then I don't want to do it all the time). This is why this group is great! Haha. But the above gives basis to be able to talk bad about SMs. The entire BM's family of course loves to badmouth SM too, especially when she tries to set boundaries and rules for the kids to follow. How dare she defy the BM and tell BM's kids what to do! 

Then there are of course movies and stories about the evil SMs. We all know it. We are always vilified. Cinderella is just such a classic example. Everybody knows about Cinderella. 

It is just how it is sometimes. It is going to be the norm, and it will take so much time and a communal effort to change this norm, but I just don't really see it changing, not in the near future.

When problems come  up that we don't want to deal with, or not the way we like it to be. We could always put more time into work. And other stuff .  Hobby  you know gon fishing .   SM can't do that. They are stuck 

Fairy tales--think Snow White, Cinderella, the Little Mermaid. There's something deeply culturally rooted that defaults to wicked stepmothers, and it's been that way for centuries.

Women are more often than not expected to be nice, generous, good cooks and homemakers, generally obedient and pleasant, and great in the sack too, sacrificing their own wants and needs for their family, which, to most people, surely includes the stepkids.  None of that is real life, but it persists in tv, movies, advertising, etc. It's an impossible standard and, really not very appealing anyway. 

So societal fantasies work against the stepmother at every turn. Add in BM and perhaps in-law conflict, and it's a wonder that any of us survive stephell. 

Has anyone considered that SMs are automatically considered to be the cause of the divorce whether or not she was? Look at all the cartoons in bad taste where the young, blonde, busty "secretary" (boke) was the cause of the divorce. It's almost  socially accepted that the man was totally innocent and was "under her influence ". What utter crap. 

I came along long after bio mom and my husband split up. Yet the kids still didn't like their daddy with anyone but were fine with their mom dating... And she dated some real loser guys too. 

My Unicorn blended family life is in large part due to three factors. First, DW and the SpermIdiot were never married so as a teen mom DW had full physical and legal custody of our son from birth. Second, we met when SS-32 was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo. So I am dad.  He has always known his SpermClan, but home is where the three of us were and family was us as well.  Third, DW left SpermLand a couple of months after HS graduation to attend University and never went back except to visit.

So, the shallow and polluted end of my kid's gene pool had very little influence or time with him to indoctrinate him into their collective idiocy.  That of course made my DW an evil demo in their eyes and me a usurping super demon.

A role I have quite enjoyed!